Criminal Activities Page #7

around on me, man.

F***.

Are you sure?

I'm pretty sure, yeah.

He said he's got

f***ing photos.

- Damn.

- Sorry about that.

You know what the

f***ed up thing is?

I f***ing wanted to catch her.

I mean, how f***ing

sick is that?

Come on, don't do that

to yourself, you know?

I mean, what kind

of f***ing sick individual

is happy that his f***ing

fianc's getting banged

in the back seat of a car

that he's f***ing paying for?

You didn't put it

in her name, at least?

Noah, really?

Listen to me, and stop

f***ing talking, I'm serious.

Okay, okay.

- Okay?

All right.

You know, you

spend every f***ing

waking minute going through

their f***ing phone,

going through their

f***ing email,

going through their

f***ing laundry.

I mean anything,

anything to f***ing

nail the f***ing

b*tch to the wall,

and I f***ing knew it!

I wanted it, I

wanted to be right,

and I f***ing knew it!

She's a f***ing whore!

Zach, you probably

don't wanna to hear this,

but at least you

got some closure now, you know?

You know what

the detective said?

85 percent of his

clients who think

that their wives are

f***ing around on them,

they are!

At least there's some comfort

in knowing

you're in the majority.

Noah, just stop

f***ing talking!

What, I'm just trying

to make him feel better.

The way I look at it,

life is a zero sum game.

It's one of the

evils of humanity.

We all win somethin' and lose

somethin' at the same time.

Okay, so you're Socrates now?

No, I'm simply saying

that we all brought

into this world with

a sheet of columns.

And the sh*t you

do in one column

has to be balanced

out with the sh*t

you do in the other.

What does that have

to do with anything?

Okay, stay with me and

see if what I'm saying

don't start making

perfect sense.

All right.

Me.

I'm here, cuffed to this

chair, because of some

malevolent act that

I did out there.

And, as you can imagine,

given my line of work,

that side of the column

is pretty god damned full,

so I'm fairly certain

that your friend here

did something on his

end, let's just say

something that he's

not terribly proud of

to deserve what's

happening to him.

Actually, you're

very wrong, Marques,

because he was faithful.

No, it don't have to be that.

It can be anything,

I'm talking about

f***ing karma, here.

Yeah, how about

sometimes things

just don't add up in the world?

And you just get

f***ed over either way,

no matter what you do.

What about that?

Nah.

There's always something.

There isn't anything.

Come on, Zachary,

there's something.

Your f***ing bullshit theory

doesn't apply here, Buddha!

Okay, so you want

us all to believe

that you some kind of saint?

I don't give a f***

what you believe!

See the thing is, you

can deny culpability

all you want, but

the way I see it,

based on laws of balance,

you might as well have

dressed your little cupcake

in some lace garters,

and put her p*ssy up

for auction yourself.

Shut the f*** up!

Hey, I'm just trying to give

your friend some clarity, here.

Let me give you

some f***ing clarity,

you f***ing piece of sh*t!

A man who discovers

that his f***ing fianc

is cheating on him six weeks

before the god damn wedding,

is probably not a guy

you want to f*** with!

That man would probably

have no f***ing issue

f***ing blowing your

f***ing stupid face

right across the f***ing floor!

Zach, Jesus

Christ, take it easy.

I'm gonna f***ing shoot him.

Calm down, man!

Give me the gun.

Zach, give me the gun.

He's trying to f***

with you, and he's

trying to get in your head.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Be cool.

Man, I'm sorry.

I'm not having a good day.

This conversation

is f***ing over,

do you understand me?

No problem.

I didn't mean to upset anybody.

It's just a healthy exchange

of views, that's all.

All I was trying to do

is shed some sunlight

as to what would warrant

some strange guy's jizz

all over his little

princess' tits, that's all.

- Sh*t, calm down!

- Get the f*** off me!

He's f***ing with me!

Jesus Christ, you're

gonna f***ing kill him.

What are you doing?

I'm fine.

Yeah, you're fine, my

f***ing ass, you're fine.

Jesus Christ.

What the hell is that?

It's a god damn microphone.

Holy sh*t!

He's f***ing wired!

- What?

- He's wired, Noah, like on TV?

You mean he's been

recording us this whole time?

Somebody has been!

You see anybody?

- No.

- F***ing screwed.

Who knows how far

that signal travels!

Warren, smash that

thing, smash it!

Noah, you can stop.

All right, all right!

F***!

What the f***?

Who the f*** is out there,

you f***ing son of a b*tch?

Who's listening to us?

What should we do?

Guys, I vote we get the f***

outta here, right f***ing now.

Yeah, I agree.

Well, wait, wait, wait.

Hold up.

Let's think about this.

Now, if someone

was listening in,

they woulda came through

that door, guns blazing,

long before now, no?

Zach's right.

We'd already be dead.

And...

Ho, ho, ho.

- Oh, that's good.

What?

That's f***ing good.

What's good?

You don't get it?

He wasn't wearing

the wire for us.

He was wearing a

wire for his friends.

Back at the diner.

I'd be willing to bet money

that this f***ing piece of sh*t

is working for some

branch of law enforcement,

most likely the FBl, they

got him all f***ing wired up.

So he can eavesdrop on

his f***ing drug-pedaling

gangster f***ing friends.

And put them all behind bars.

Isn't that right?

You f***ing piece of sh*t.

Holy sh*t.

You say he's an informant?

Actually in his circles,

it's better known as a rat.

Or a snitch.

Or maybe just a plain

cock-sucking weasel.

So back in the alley

there, that was probably-

Most likely Feds chasing us.

We probably interrupted

one of their

recording sessions

when we showed up.

I do not feel well.

Do you guys have any idea

how altogether f***ed you are?

I think you're

confused on who's

in the f***ing

doghouse right now.

Now I'm not sure if

there's an official

gangsta handbook,

but I'm dead certain

that if there was one,

it would frown heavily upon

you recording conversations

with your gangsta friends.

I bet Uncle Demetrius

is gonna be tickled pink

when he finds out

about your bureau buddies.

You guys look umm,

pleased with yourself.

I wouldn't say pleased.

What makes you think

my uncle, or anyone

from my side of the

fence is gonna believe

an inconceivable lie like that?

What you gonna do?

You gonna show him that mush?

And you clowns

were worried about

what I was gonna do to you.

Have you ever bumped heads with

the type of cats at the

other end of this wire?

It's what's known as

a task force, fellas.

Those motherfuckers

have killed

more motherfuckers than...

...than you've had hand jobs.

And you just kidnapped

they star witness.

In the middle

of a six-month,

round-the-clock surveillance!

You guys

are f***ing fertilizer.

Hey, Eddie.

Everything's set,

time and place.

All right, let's call 'em.

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