Critters 2

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I hate that part.

Bounty hunters, have you

completed your mission?

Oh, yeah, we wasted him.

Check out the head

on this sucker.

Fine, however, an earlier

expedition remains incomplete.

A G-sweep of the planet Earth

indicates residual Crite life.

- G-sweep's wrong.

- No way, Your Holiness...

I was there.

I saw it all.

The G-sweep is

infallible.

The council is very nervous

when it comes to the Crites.

They are a lethal plague

and must be wiped out.

Pay for the Hexapod kill

shall be withheld

until the eradication

of Crites on Earth is verified.

There must be no doubt.

Does this mean

we're going back to Earth?

What takes you

to Grover's Bend, son?

My grandmother

lives there.

Oh, Easter vacation

with Granny, huh?

That's

a good grandson.

You know what the Bend's

famous for, don't you?

What's that?

Hasn't your granny ever told you

about those space porcupine things?

No. No, she never did.

Bunch of folks hereabout

think they came

from one of those unidentified

flying UFOs or some such.

Some say those

little boogers attacked

one of the farms

outside of town.

Maybe a friend

of your granny's, huh?

The Browns.

No... no, no.

She doesn't know any Browns.

Come on, man!

Buried treasure

right this way.

What the hell

are we doing?

Ain't nobody lived here

in two years.

What exactly

are we looking for?

Collector's items.

Nothing like them.

Just like all the other weird sh*t

you got in your store.

Jeez, it's freezing

in here.

What are they?

Whatever you tell people

they are.

So what do you say?

These things

ain't worth dick!

Okay, fine.

I'll just take 'em

up to K.C.

See what one of them big antique

stores'll give me for them.

- You do that.

- But...

a case of Meister Brau would

save me a lot of trouble.

- Load 'em up.

- Right!

Perfect fit!

Come on, kids,

let's go. Hurry up.

Hey, Sis, dinner's

at 6:
00, okay?

'Kay, Megan!

- You put...

- No, no, no.

Okay, okay. We'll pull the photo

one column to the left.

Now we'll keep

the 4H Club sidebar,

and we will swap

the sidewalk weeds issue

with the Easter egg hunt

right here!

- l-l...

- Yeah.

- Hey, Dad!

- Hi, honey!

- I got the returns.

- Just put them back by the...

- the typeset, will you?

- Okay.

What do we do about

the 39-pound squash?

We bury it somewhere

on page four.

- Didn't you say it was 29 pounds?

- 39.

I weighed

ol' jumbo myself.

Better move it

up to page one.

We're still looking

at empty space here.

Put that back!

I got a stop-press

story for you.

What's that?

"Bus driver

finds Grover's Bend"?

"Brad Brown is

back in town."

Bradley Brown?!

The boy who cried

'critter.'

We don't want to get scooped

on this one, Mr. Morgan.

Not much chance of that, Sal.

We're the only paper in 80 miles.

This is big news

in Grover's Bend.

Inquiring minds

want to know!

- Like mine.

- Mm-hmm.

Just forget it, Sal. That boy's

stories nearly tore this town apart.

Just let Grover's Bend

forget about that night.

I mean it, Sal, no...

Brad Brown.

Brad who?

Snacktime!

Here we are!

Don't you have

any Clark Bars or Milk Duds?

Honey, fresh vegetables

are high in fiber,

and we need fiber

for a healthy B.M.

We don't want to get

constipated, do we?

- No!

- No, we don't.

I know who that is!

Bradley, come on in.

- Hi, Nana.

- Look at you...

you're shooting up

like a stinkweed.

You've been

eating red meat.

No! No, no, no.

Not me.

It's the worst thing

you could do to that body.

Come in here and have

a good snack with these kids.

You know the carnivores

have short intestines

and the meat passes

right out through?

But we're herbivores,

we've got great

long intestines

and the meat

just rots in there.

No, no, you stop it.

Quigley, get your stupid dog

out of the way.

Chili Dog,

get in the back.

Go on, get back.

Go on.

Get in the back.

Get in the back

you miserable son of a b*tch!

Go on!

- It's just a dog.

- So was "Cujo."

Sh*t.

Hi, Harv.

What in the hell

are you doing here?

Important business.

Brad Brown is back in town.

Oh... well,

on the important chart

I'd put that right

between a pineapple quiche

and a pimple

on the ass.

I thought you'd want to talk with

him... about the critters and all.

Why in the hell would I want

to do a thing like that?

If I never talk

to anybody

about them things

that shall remain nameless,

I'll die a happy man...

and besides that,

I ain't been sheriff of this burg

for two glorious years.

Why don't you

run along home, Sal,

because they're about

to start the bonus round.

Here's the last of them.

Put them with the rest

of them, brain dead.

So... what about

them brewskies?

This is all that

plain-wrap piss.

I thought we agreed

on Meister Brau.

I ain't got

no Meister Brau.

Then I'm taking two.

And a couple of these!

I hate teenagers.

Quigley!

Now... what in the hell

am I gonna do with you?

...Right onto highway 54,

just outside of Grover's Bend.

We'd love to see ya.

- Moo-ve.

- # At the Hungry Heifer #

# We won't give you

a bum steer. #

Say...

how come...

you look like

that rock and roll guy,

and Lee's still a...

nothing-face?

Because this body fit.

Lee stays

a nothing-face

till he finds

the right self.

Can't live

in the wrong self.

Charlie quiet.

- Charlie thinking.

- Thinking what?

just about going back to Earth

after all this time.

Don't want to?

I don't know.

On Earth, I was

just a big nobody.

I had one friend...

and he was

just a kid.

- Brad.

- Yeah.

Hey, hey, uh...

you wouldn't just leave me

on Earth, would you?

Charlie bounty hunter.

Yeah...

yeah, Charlie

bounty hunter.

You guys are okay,

you know that?

# At the Hungry Heifer #

# We won't give you

a bum steer. #

How about some buffalo chips

or a Moo shake?

We've got a two-for-one

Easter special.

No, thanks.

Wesley.

What are you doing here?

Let's have us

a beer.

Don't you get it?

Let's just say

I'm not the Van Halen type.

All right!

I hate elevator

music too.

Look...

what other choice

you got?

Wesley, I've got to go

to work! Leave me alone!

Leave her alone.

Just, you know...

cool it, okay?

Well, looky here.

Little Bradley Brown.

I haven't seen you

in a long time, peewee.

How's your little

space monsters?

I don't want to start

any trouble, okay, Wesley?

Did you hear that?

The little mouse

don't want any trouble.

Well, that's too bad.

I'm warning you,

I've been taking karate.

I don't want anyone

getting hurt,

so just keep

your distance.

Somebody call the sheriff!

Shouldn't have

come back, a**hole!

Nobody wants you here!

Thanks for

the getaway. I'm...

Bradley Brown.

Do I know you?

Did we go to school together?

You used to throw cherry bombs

in the trash cans.

Are you a senior?

Yup.

- What?

- Ponytail and braces.

- And zits.

- You're Megan Morgan?!

Does your dad still run

the newspaper?

I'm a reporter there.

Really?!

Kinda like a "Jimmy Olsen"

with breasts.

Chili, chow!

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