Crocodile Dundee Page #3

Would you mind?

Bloody Wally.

He's only been here a dozen times.

He's probably lost.

Did you, uh...

You got wind or something, Wal?

I want Mick to come back

to New York with me.

Mick? In a big city?

No chance.

Paper would pay.

Well, a man should

broaden his horizons.

Everything Okay?

Oh, yeah. No worries.

Jesus Christ!

Sue!

Sue!

Sue.

G'day, mate!

You look absolutely stunning.

- Welcome home.

- Thanks.

Here, let me get this.

Oh...

Where's the man from the backwoods?

Oh, God. We got

separated in customs.

He almost started a riot

when they wanted to look

through his suitcase.

Ah, there he is.

So, that's Jungle Jim.

New York City, Mr. Dundee.

Home to seven million people.

That's incredible.

Imagine seven million people

all wanting to live together.

Yep. New York must be the

friendliest place on earth.

G'day!

Mick Dundee from

Australia. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you? I think...

Good. Just came down

for a couple of days.

Probably see you around.

Fine. We went from there...

I don't know, I think...

Thank you, Gus.

- You'll take care of the luggage?

- Yes, sir.

That's it.

Hey. Thanks for the lift, mate.

No problem.

What tribe are you, Gus?

Tribe?

Man, I ain't from no tribe.

You're a black feller, aren't you?

Last time I looked.

No one in our tribe's got

a flash car like this.

You must be doing all right, eh?

I'll get a cab back to the office.

Do you want to eat

somewhere special tonight?

Well, I thought

Tucano's would be nice.

Tucano's. 7:
30?

Mmm. Great.

- Bye.

- Okay.

Table for three.

Sir?

No worries.

Well, what do you think?

Oh, it's a bit rough,

but I'll manage.

Hey, how many of us

are staying here?

Just you.

I've got my own apartment downtown.

Oh, sorry, Mick Dundee.

I didn't catch the name.

- Angelo.

- Pleased to meet you, Angelo.

I got it. Here you go.

Got to pay for the room

in advance, have we?

You're in m town now, trust me.

Yeah. Can I get the direct

dialing code for Australia?

You should be comfortable.

Everything's here.

There's a TV if you get bored.

Ah, television.

Yeah, I saw that at Darkie

Johnson's place years ago.

Yep, that's what I saw.

Right. Okay, thanks.

So, I'm writing down Wally's

number and my office number.

Hey, Sue, come here, look at this!

Some nitwit's put two

dunnies in here.

One dunny, one bidet.

- Bidet?

- Mmm.

It's for... After you... You know.

You figure it out.

See you at seven.

Yeah.

For washing your backside, right?

G'day.

G'day.

G'day.

- Hello.

- G'day.

G'day.

Sorry.

G'day. Ooops!

Sh*t.

- Take it easy, Mick.

- Thanks, mate.

- Ta.

- Bye.

- G'day.

- Yes, sir.

Good evening. Follow me, please.

- Hello.

- Um.

Sorry we're late.

- Been waiting long?

- Oh, I arrived early,

eager to spend time with my girl.

So, what are we drinking?

Uh, two vodka martinis,

and what's yours, crocodile?

Yeah, I'll have two of

those, and a beer, thanks.

Could you send them through

to our table, Matt?

You have been here awhile.

Let's eat.

Now this will be quite a

novelty for you, Mick.

Eating something without

having to kill it first.

Shall we?

- Ah, Roberto.

- Good evening, Mr. Mason.

I can see you got some

friends. Follow me, please.

Thank you.

You know I had almost forgotten

what a sexy-looking lady you are.

I'll gonna have to find a

way of keeping you in town.

Oh, I think we can

work something out.

Really? Yes, what?

Listen, uh, you two

should really be alone.

Sorry, Mick. It's just that we haven't

seen each other in six weeks.

Well, that's all the more reason...

Oh, there's no way I'd leave you alone

on your first night in New York.

Richard and I want you with us.

Right. Absolutely.

Ah, New York is no place

for a country gent.

I mean, ain't no crocodiles out

there, but a fast-moving Chevy

sure make a mess of you.

What's your game?

Great. I'm starving.

Ha ha! Grazie, Roberto.

Thank you. Um, perhaps I should

order for all of us, right?

I mean, I don't imagine

that they have any...

Kangaroo steak or possum grits!

Oh, don't worry about Mick.

He can make a gourmet meal

out of just about anything.

Even medium-rare goanna.

It was great, wasn't it, eh?

And what about the yams?

Oh, yes. They were great.

Well, that's...

That's wonderful.

As he's our guest,

perhaps he'd like to

order for all of us.

Oh, wait a minute. I'll do that.

No, it's... It's all right.

I'll have a lash.

- Italian, eh?

- Yes.

I don't know what you call it,

but I'd like to look at that dish

out there the big fat

sheila's eating.

Richard!

He okay?

Can't handle his drink, poor fella.

He said you hit him.

You're not in the pub

at Walkabout Creek now.

- He was being a pain.

- That's beside the point.

You're not serious about

this lemon, are you?

Butt out, Dundee!

He had a little too much to drink.

Richard is warm, caring,

and I love him, okay?

- Excuse me.

- What?

I think I'm going to throw up.

God.

- You want a hand?

- No. I can handle it.

I'm fine.

Listen, we've got a busy day

tomorrow, so get some sleep.

I'll pick you up early.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- I think you better take me to the boozer.

- Boozer?

Don't know that one.

Pub. You know, somewhere

to get a drink.

- Want to join me?

- I just finished my shift. Why not?

- Fancy a drink, do you?

- You kidding? I'm Italian.

I'd drink you under the

table any day, my friend.

Well, that could be interesting.

No, I'm not putting down

your black widow spider,

but the funnel-web spider can

kill a man in eight seconds,

just by looking at him.

Of course, the real danger down

there is the sharks, though,

the big ones, you know, like Jaws?

I caught one down there

about three weeks ago.

Got it opened. Know what

we found inside it?

Three Filipino fishermen...

- Still in their boat.

- Hey, buzzy!

Come on over, meet this

guy from Australia.

Hey, my man, what's happening?

Uh, where?

What's goin' down, bro?

Goin' down? Ah, yeah. Just

blowing the froth off a couple.

All right! Hang loose, my man.

- Flat out like a lizard drinking.

- Say what?

What?

He's cool.

Yeah. I'm cool. I'm cool.

All right!

All right!

He's a nice fellow.

Here's my little

Italian mate, Danny.

Just in time to buy

another round, too, mate.

What are you drinking, Gwendoline?

Ah, no more for me. Thanks, Mick.

I must be getting on home.

Oh.

Where's, uh...

Where's home, sweetie?

Just around the corner.

I have a little place where

I live all by my lonesome.

Not now.

- Most of the time, that is.

- Oh.

Must, uh...

Must get a bit lonely, eh?

Hanker for a bit of,

uh, male company?

Do I ever.

Hey, come here.

Uh, excuse me, Gwendoline.

Don't go away, love.

I have been trying to

tell you all night.

That girl, she's a guy.

Huh?

A man dressed up as a girl.

Nah.

A fag, for Christ's sakes!

I swear.

Oh!

Hey... That was a guy.

A guy dressed up like

a sheila. Look at that.

Hey, you all knew,

you pack of bastards.

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