Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles

Okay, ladies and gents,|Walkabout Creek Hotel.

Last chance for a coldie|before we hit the outback.

G'day, all.|I'm your hostess.

You can call me Ruby or love or|anything, but never late for breakfast.

[ Laughing ]

And what's your pleasure, folks?

Gin and tonic, please,|and a Pims for the lady.

Gin and tonic, please,|and a Pims for the lady.

"G" and "T" and a Pims.

No, I asked for|a gin and tonic and a Pims.

Yeah, well,|there's no harm in asking.

Couple of beers|will be just fine.

That's the ticket, old mate.

- Hey, Nugget.|- G'day, Sue.

- Where's Mick?|- We got a panic call from the Rangers.

They spotted a huge croc|in the Tarrabool swimming hole.

Actually, we tossed a coin to see|who'd catch it, and Mick won.

- He went after it alone, did he?|- No.

Jacko Jackson's gonna|meet him out there.

And Jacko, as you know, is the second|best crocodile man in the territory.

So you got no worries, love.

My only worry is I need Mick|to pick Mikey up after school.

I'll tell Mick for you.|If he gets tied up with that croc,

- I'll pick up the young fella myself.|- Thanks.

I thought you were|the second best crocodile hunter.

- Oh, well.|- Oh, he's just modest.

He's one of the best,|you know?

Hey, Sue. If anything ever happens|to Mick, I'm gonna come courtin'.

Well, let's just hope|nothing happens to Mick.

Now, where are you,|you big ugly bugger?

This is as good as it gets.

Come on.|Come to Uncle Mick.

Big...

big...

big mistake.

Oh, sh*t.

[ Sighs ]

- G'day, Mick.|- G'day, Jacko.

What are you doing up there?

Just sittin' up here, thinking|about a new career, mate.

Where's your boat?

On the bottom.

- How'd that happen?|- Croc pulled it under.

Pulled it under?

How big was it?

That big.

Now what?

Well, now we scramble ashore|and go to plan "B. "

Don't move.

Well, could be worse, mate.

Oh, yeah?|How's that, Mick?

Well, someone could|see us up here,

up the tree, outsmarted|by a bloody crocodile.

- [ Chattering]|- [ Groans ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

[Woman ] So help me God, if I see|a snake, I'm gonna drop dead.

How are they gonna catch a crocodile|up there in the tree?

So, which one is the second best|crocodile hunter in the land?

[ All Laughing ]

Okay, everyone, we're on|a tight schedule here.

We better keep moving.|Don't want to disturb the hunters.

Back on the bus,|please, folks.

That's the way.

Bloody Nugget.|Great, eh, mate?

Two best crocodile hunters|in the entire Northern Territory, eh?

Yeah.

We look like a couple|of real pelicans, don't we, eh?

[ Both Laughing ]

You know what I hate about crocs?|They got legs. Come on.

Oh, remember the good old days|when we just used to shoot 'em?

Yeah, mate, but if there were no more|crocs, they wouldn't need hunters.

Oh, they'd need hunters...|to keep the wild pigs in control.

Pigs?|Oh, not the same.

I don't want my kid saying,|"There goes my dad, Pig Dundee. "

Do you want to be known|as Porker Jackson?

Well, no.

Nah, we need the crocs, mate.|They make us somebodies.

Without 'em, we're|just a couple of old bushwhackers...

with bite marks on our legs.

We'll get him tomorrow.|Same time.

Hey, I knew a pig farmer called|Porker O'Brien once. Hah!

You know why|they called him Porker?

I hate it when he does that.

Gives me the creeps.

- Thanks, mate.|- No worries.

So, you got out of that tree|all right, eh?

Now, how could you possibly|know about that already?

My people have ways of talking|that no white man can understand.

Arthur, you're so full of bullshit.

No, it's a kind|of mental telepathy, eh?

- Yeah, mental, all right.|- [ Cell Phone Ringing]

Ah, I think we just found out|which one of us is the white man.

Yeah?

Yeah, I heard about that.

[ Laughing ] Yeah, well,|he's standin' right next to me now.

- Oh, great.|- Yeah, okay. Yeah, later.

- So, are you doin' a show tonight?|- Yeah.

Already did the matinee.|Gotta keep the tourists happy, eh?

Oh, well, mate, these days|they're our bread and butter.

That's sort of what we are now in|the 20th century-- tourist attractions.

As they say,|that's show business, mate.

By the way, Mick,

it's the 21 st century, mate.

it's the 21 st century, mate.

Oh, yeah, I-I knew that.

- See you, Art.|- See you later.

- See ya, Troy.|- See ya, Mikey.

- Wanna go fishing?|- Yeah.

- So, what did you learn today?|- Oh, just school stuff.

But we had an earthquake video,

and we learned how they happen|in California, America.

- Did you see one when you were there?|- No, I was in New York.

They don't have|earthquakes there.

People there wouldn't stand for it.|They'd be like,

[ Imitating New York Accent ]|"Earthquake? Hey, this is Brooklyn.

Get outta here.|Forget about it. "

They're tough.

Whoa, homework time.|What's that?

- It's goanna turd.|- That means he's close by. Find him.

- There he is.|- Yep.

- You hungry? Want him for dinner?|- Yuck, no way.

- Then you better miss.|- Dad, I never miss.

[ Gulping ]

Whoa.

Quick, Dad, there's a big razorback|up there. Can you do it?

- Do what?|- You know, that trick. Please.

All right, but it won't work|if you're scared. He'll smell it.

I know. I won't be scared.|I promise.

Don't look at him|till I do.

I really won't be scared|if I can carry your knife.

[ Imitates Growling ]|Cool.

[ Laughing ]

Okay, Dad, I'll talk it over|with Mick. Uh-huh.

No. No, and if we decide|we need to be married,

I promise you'll be|the first to know.

Would you like to say hello|to your grandson? Okay. Hang on.

Hey, Mikey.|Come say hi to Grandpa.

Hi, Grandpa.

Pretty good, yeah.

- [ Sighs ]|- So, what's new?

Oh, Tom Zetland-- he ran|the L. A. bureau of Dad's paper--

was just killed|in a car accident.

- What, was he a mate of yours?|- Actually, no.

But the thing is, Mick, Dad is now|pleading with me to take his place...

while he looks|for a permanent replacement.

What you're sayin' is your dad wants|you to go work for him in Los Angeles.

Mm.

For how long?

Well, I told him I might|fill in for a few weeks.

Well, tell me this, if we lived|over there in the city,

- would you take the job then?|- Oh, sure.

I mean, I was raised|by a newspaperman,

and, well, I don't know, I guess|it just gets in your blood.

That settles it then.|Take the job.

At least for the rest of the year.|Me and Mikey'll go with you.

- You're kidding?|- No. Good for him. Help him decide.

Decide?

- Your dad owns a newspaper, right?|- Mm-hmm.

You're his only child. Someday|Mikey's gonna have to decide.

Does he want to be an assistant|crocodile wrangler...

or the owner|of a big-city newspaper?

That's a tough one.|And the travel will be good for him.

Remember how my trip|to New York...

sort of opened my eyes|to the ways of the world?

Made me a lot more--|What's the word?

- Sophisticated?|- Yeah.

By the way, Mick, what are|you doing with that awful trap?

You're not going to use that|on some poor animal?

No, I'm lending it to Donk.

Some mongrel's been sneaking|into the pub at night...

and knocking off his grog.

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