Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles Page #2

[ Chuckles ]|Stealing Donk's beer, well,

- I guess they deserve to be mangled.|- Yeah.

Well, what about you, Mikey?|What do you think?

How would you like to live|in California for a while?

- They have earthquakes there, right?|- Well, yeah, they have had.

Cool.

I thought you might say that.|You're gonna have lots of fun.

Actually, you're the one|I'm worried about.

No, I'm fine.

Um, Mick, I seem to remember|after a few weeks in New York...

you did get pretty antsy.

Yeah, a bit antsy.

Mm, that's what I love about you, Mick.|You're always so unselfish.

No worries.

# Yeah #

# Yeah|Dance, dance, dance, dance#

## [ Woman Vocalizing,|Indistinct ]

[Mick ] Beverly Hills, eh?|Home to the movie stars.

A lot of 'em, yep.

You're not in show business,|are ya?

- No, I'm in the tourism game myself.|- Hey, so am I.

When I'm out driving this.|Actually, though, I'm a writer-actor.

Just, you know, drive the limo|between gigs. Make a lot of connections.

Had Tom Arnold in the car|this morning.

Tom Arnold?

Oh, wife probably knows who he is.|She's- She's in the newspaper business.

- A reporter.|- Yeah.

Here, take one of these.|You never know.

Thanks.

There you go.

That- That's nice.

No, you can keep that.|I got plenty of copies.

Crocodile!

[Sue ] Okay, tax relief plan.|State tax only.

No interest there.|Traffic accidents.

Okay, these figures comparing L. A.|to New York drivers, that's good.

Follow through on that.

Great. So our policy|hasn't changed then?

- How so?|- It's like Mr. Zetland used to say,

[Imitating Mr. Zetland]|"We're a New York paper.

If the news ain't about New York,|then who gives a rat's ass? "

Or words to that effect.

So he wasn't too happy|about working in L. A., huh?

Oh, no, no. Tom loved it here.|No, he loved doing expose features...

and investigating|scams and phonies.

- What was he working on?|- He was doing this feature...

on this new mini studio.

He started to get|really excited about it.

I think he smelled a rat.

But what it was about,|only Tom knew.

Maybe you can find out what sparked|his interest in there. Good luck.

Oh, hey, how are your boys doing?|Are they out exploring?

Oh, yeah. Should be fun too.|For both of them.

- [ Chattering]|- [Man ] Come on, people!

Thank you. Oh, spontaneous|applause, thank you.

Thank you.

All right, a couple of tricks.|Behind the back.

All right, all right,|all right, under the leg.

[Juggler Chattering ]

- [ Bones Cracking ]|- [ Man Groaning ]

[Juggler Continues|Chattering ]

[ Groaning Continues ]

Hey, Dad, look.|There's those girls from Baywatch.

- What?|- Baywatch.

On TV, you know?|The girls that run funny, like this.

And Donk and all the men|in the pub go, "Whoa! "

- What've you been doin' in the pub?|- Whoa! Hey!

- I am so sorry. Whew, muscle fatigue.|- It's okay.

- You all right?|- Hey, do you know what time it is?

Oh, it's about 12:30,|maybe 12:35.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, that's cute,|but you're wearing a watch.

- That's not a watch, it's a compass.|- Oh!

Yeah, I'm new in town.|I couldn't find my house without this.

Really? So where's|your house from here?

Eleven point five miles,|two degrees north northeast.

Called, uh, Beverly Hills.

Bev Hills?|So, you have a nice home?

- Yeah, we got eight dunneys.|- Yeah, that's eight bathrooms.

- Oh, nice. This-This your boy?|- Yeah, that's Mikey.

- So, you married?|- No, he's not married.

- So you got custody?|- Yeah. Well, Mikey's my son.

- Right. So you're a good parent?|- Well, I'd say.

Right. Oh, this is too good.|I finally bump into a cute cowboy.

He's more Robert Redford's vintage|than Brad Pitt's, but that's okay...

'cause he's got a mansion in Beverly|Hills, plus he's got custody of his kid.

That means he'd be a good dad|to my Cindy and this is--

Oh, there's a catch, right?

Nothing this good|ever happens to me.

Are you-- You're not available?|You're- You're gay, right?

Um, most of the time,|pretty happy, yeah.

[ Chuckles ]|Of course.

Cute cowboy, Venice Beach,|had to be gay.

What was I thinking?

- Boy, she was a chatterbox.|- Yeah, mate. American woman.

- She's got a nice ass.|- Yeah. Hey,

you gotta stop hangin'|around that pub.

[ Sighs ]|Who taught you that? Nugget?

- Find anything fishy?|- Yeah. Listen to this.

Silvergate Pictures make their|first movie, right? Lethal Agent.

It's a total bomb.

So the very next picture|they make is Lethal Agent II...

which, of course, goes straight|to video where no one rents it.

And guess what they're doing now|to save their reputation?

- Uh--|- Yeah.

I don't know.|Did Tom talk to these guys?

Yeah. I think he spoke to everybody|from the president of the studio down.

That's when he seemed to get|really excited about the story.

All I can see here is a bunch of|really dumb business decisions.

But, of course,|that's not illegal.

Well, you know, that's|the research I did for him.

Whatever Tom was working on|is probably in his P. C.

I can get the disk from his house,|if you're interested.

That'd be great.

And I notice they're having a "meet and|greet" for press and industry people.

Do you know who would|normally cover that?

Fay Olson does entertainment.

Okay. Tell her she can have|the night off, and I'll fill in.

- Hey, Dad, what sort of car is that?|- I can't look now, mate.

These California people are|nice and friendly and polite...

till they get in their cars, then|they turn into crazed wombats.

Quick, Dad, stop,|there's a dog in the road.

Where?

- So where's the dog?|- He ducked in there.

I'll get him.

Be careful.

All right, everybody, stay back.|Don't worry, we'll get him.

I'm on it.

- What's the hell's goin' on up there?|- Come on, buddy!

The guy said there's|something on the road.

He looks like a nut to me.

- Probably a bomb or something.|- It's a what?

- He says it's a bomb!|- It's a bomb! It's gonna blow!

[ All Screaming ]

Come here, boy. Come on.

He won't come out.|He's scared.

That's not a dog.|That's a--

I don't know what it is.|Some kind of possum maybe.

I've never seen|a black and white possum.

I've never seen|a black and white possum.

I think it's a skunk.

How do you know what a skunk|looks like? We don't have 'em at home.

It looks like Pepe Le Pew|in the cartoons on TV. [ Chuckles ]

I thought skunks were|supposed to stink.

[ Sniffing ]|Don't stink.

Come on, boy.|Come on.

[Dispatcher Chattering]

Possible explosive device|and hostage situation.

There we go.

No wonder he's scared.

Those bloody helicopters.

Take off!

We have a very tricky situation|for the police here.

The suspect appears to be|holding a young boy hostage.

Stay where you are!

Put the bomb down!

What?

That's not a bomb.|That's a cat.

Ah, see, just like at home.|The policeman is your friend.

They're here to help us.

That's not a cat.|That's a skunk.

- You can take it from here, guys.|- Uh-uh.

Uh, Mike, I wouldn't|mention this to your mum.

She probably wouldn't understand.|It's man stuff.

Of course, at that stage,|early this afternoon,

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