Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles Page #3

we had no idea that the bomb|was, in fact, a skunk.

Officers reluctantly placed|the skunk in a squad car...

to await the arrival|of animal control.

In the meantime, it backed up|traffic on the 101...

[ Volume Increases ] from Calabasas|to Pasadena, the worst traffic jam--

- What are you doing, Mikey?|- Uh, it's okay, love, it's me.

Oh. Mick, are you sure|you want to come tonight?

I mean, it's a social thing,|but it'll be work for me.

I'm lookin' forward to it.

You know, to see if the local people|are as friendly as New Yorkers.

I hope your son feels the same way.|He starts school on Wednesday.

Oh, no worries.|He's, uh, he's just like me, really.

From what I hear, he has enough charm|to stop a skunk from spraying him.

Yeah, well, you know, we were|roarin' down the freeway--

It's okay.

- You looked really cute on TV.|- Bloody television.

## [Rap ]

Not this time, pal.

- [ Gasps ] Mick!|- Call the cops!

Let him go. He's the valet.|He's supposed to park the car.

Yeah, yeah,|take it easy, dude.

- Tip him.|- Sorry.

- Honest mistake.|- Sorry.

Valet?

## [Rap Continues]

- Picture, please.|- Sure.

Mind if we get a shot?

Don't worry. I'll just get|a drink, blend right in.

Okay. I'll come and get you|after I've done the formalities.

[Man ]|Big smile for the camera, please.

All right, that's your Evian,|and this here's...

your sparkling mineral water|with a twist.

Oh, and a straight club soda.

So, you havin' a drink|or doin' your laundry?

G'day. Mick Dundee.|And you're--

Tony. What can I get|for you, Mr. Dundee?

Just a cold beer'll do, mate.|Thanks.

That's typical of L. A. today.|Health nuts.

Worried about what they drink,|worried about what they eat.

I used to be like that|till I found the answer.

Oh? And, um,|what's the answer?

Coffee. Eat and drink whatever you|please, then flush it out with coffee.

So you just drink|lots of coffee.

No. You don't drink it.|I'm talking colonics.

A good coffee enema|leaves you clean as a whistle.

[ Chuckles ]|Bottoms up.

Hey, Tony.|An enema--

Isn't that where they shove|a hose up the old--

- Yep. Lots of people swear by 'em.|- With coffee?

- Cream and sugar?|- It's L. A.

Excuse me, Mr. Rothman.

I'd love to introduce you|to someone.

- Ms. Sue Charleton from Newsday.|- Hello.

Arnan Rothman. Delighted.|Didi tells me you've replaced...

- our late friend, Tom Zetland.|- [ Cell Phone Ringing]

- Excuse me.|- That's a shame. He was a good man,

and he really knew his way|around this business.

Well, I'm afraid I come up|a bit short in that department.

Actually, I was hoping|maybe you could help me out.

- Are you in the cast of this flick?|- Me? Oh, no, I'm socializing.

Networking. Me too. Have you seen|any of these masterpieces?

- No.|- Unbelievable schlock. I kid you not.

Makes you embarrassed|to be in the business.

The only thing I've seen worse than|Lethal Agent was Lethal Agent II.

I read the script on this one,|and it's even worse.

I don't know how these clowns|stay in business.

I suppose you've heard, then,|they're making Lethal Agent IV.

What?

No one told me.|Do you know if they're casting yet?

I gotta call my agent.

I'm planning on following|through on Tom's story...

more about your film company|than this particular film.

- We shot the whole thing in Greece.|- Oh!

[ Gasps ]

Allow me to introduce Milos Drubnick,|our international vice president.

- Sue Charleton.|- Delighted to meet American star.

I'm big fan, all your films.

Well, that's very kind of you,|but I'm a journalist.

- Sue's from Newsday.|- Huh.

Milos handles all our|Eastern European activity.

I could not work over there|without him.

You'll excuse me.

Well, I don't want to monopolize|all your time here.

I was hoping we could catch up|at the studio.

Absolutely.

That's just the way|they do things.

You don't want that, love.

Get some free food in you.|You'll feel a lot better.

You're welcome.

- Hey, you're from down under, right?|- Yeah.

I don't suppose you know|Mel Gibson.

Mel Gibson? Ought to.|Bailed him out of jail twice.

You're kidding.|You really do know him?

- I could tell some tales about Mad Mel.|- Please do.

- I could tell some tales about Mad Mel.|- Please do.

I thought you said we were finished|with these prying Newsday people.

She's just following up on|the original story. I'll handle it.

No. Now she want to come snooping|around studio. You should say no.

Look, we're the new boys|in town, right?

We're supposed to be begging|for publicity.

We start banning the press,|they're gonna be all over us.

Leave this to me.

- He takes his shoes off-- Thanks, Tony.|- You're welcome.

Runs outside stark naked.

Sets fire to the building|and burns it to the bloody ground.

[ All Laughing ]

He's a mad bugger.

Excuse me.

Mel Gibson's best friend.|They're practically brothers.

I've seen them together.

Just tellin' 'em a few tales|about Mel Gibson.

- You don't know Mel Gibson.|- Yeah, I do.

You know him too.|Met him at Donk's pub.

Mel Gibson. Tall redheaded fellow,|walks with a limp.

Oh, "Mal. " Malcolm Gibson.|Not Mel Gibson.

Yeah, Mal Gibson.|They know about him over here!

Small world, isn't it?

Hey, Mick. Mick,|you give me a call anytime.

Okay, dude. Hey!|Maybe we'll do lunch.

- Mick, you're starting to scare me.|- I like Hollywood.

Good afternoon.|Welcome to Beverly Hills.

Thanks.

So, your story on the film company|just got red hot.

Tom Zetland's place was robbed,|and they took everything.

Oh, my God, that's terrible.|But how does it make the story hot?

Tom is accidentally killed?

His place is cleaned out, leaving|no clues to what he's working on?

Maybe Tom was|on to something big,

and they had to shut him up.

You think the film people|had him killed?

It's possible.

I had a bad vibe about this|from the start.

I think you should be|careful going out there.

Well, I'm not exactly going|into a Mafia stronghold.

I'm interviewing|a studio head on the lot.

I'm even bringing my family along.|They're gonna do the tour.

Well, all righty, then. Welcome,|ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls,

to the Paramount Pictures tour.

This is where the magic happens,|people. But before we actually begin,

I'm gonna ask you all|to raise your right hand.

Okay, cool. Now what|you're about to witness...

are some of the biggest secrets|of movie-making.

So I must ask that all of you swear not|to reveal anything you witness here.

Do you swear?

Uh, just say, "I do. "

- [ All ] I do.|- Okay.

Righty- o, Jim.

Oh, wow, you're in for|a special treat here today, people,

'cause just up ahead|we're actually filming...

a giant crowd scene for the latest...

Silvergate Studio picture,|Lethal Agent III.

I told you we should've gone|to Universal.

Because quite simply, losses|on the first two movies...

are amortized into the cost|of the franchise.

We're making this movie|for practically nothing.

Okay, but still, wouldn't it|be cheaper to make your films...

either here or in Eastern Europe|instead of both places?

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