Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles Page #4

Sure, but our movies are set|in Eastern Europe.

You can't fake|the locations here?

I mean, they're shooting|an African jungle next door.

Sue, can you and I talk|off the record?

- Will you excuse us for a minute?|- Sure.

Quite frankly, the, uh,

the success or failure|of these films...

is of little importance to us.

We're after bigger fish.

There are over|300 million people...

in what was once|the Soviet bloc.

People who are starved|of entertainment.

Movies shot in their own backyard,|starring their own people.

I'm talking about building|major studios, cineplex chains,

even theme parks.

The deal I am talking about will make|Euro Disney seem penny-ante.

Well, this is a great story.|A Russian Hollywood.

And when do we go on record?

[ Sighs ]|Two weeks, tops.

But for you,

Exclusive to Newsday.

And in return?

Postpone the piece you've|already started. Right now, what is it?

It's a-- It's a story|about a small-time studio...

and their two|unsuccessful movies.

[ Chuckles ]|Who cares?

What do you say?

- [ Buzzing ]|- Well,

if it's a Newsday exclusive,|I guess you got a deal.

Claire, why don't you take|Ms. Charleton down to the set.

You can see the glamorous|side of the business.

I'll be in touch.

You are good.

[ Tour Guide ]... where we can transform|an ordinary man orwoman...

into an ape or a clown.

All righty, then. Now, before|we enter this next portal,

it is my duty to warn you that several|dangerous jungle creatures...

have been sighted on the loose,|so keep inside the tram at all times.

I don't want to lose|anyone... again.

- Dad, do you have your big knife?|- Didn't think I'd need it here.

I might have my pocket knife.|What do you need it for?

- In case the jungle animals attack.|- I think we'll be all right.

Okay, look out, folks,|it's a giant deadly anaconda!

- [ Passengers Gasping ]|- [ Chuckling ]

- Well, that's awesome, dude.|- Sorry, reflex action.

Okay. Cool.

Let's get outta here.

[Man ]|Hey, is he part of the show, or what?

G'day.

- Was that more man stuff, Dad?|- You got that right, mate.

- Hey, you two. Did you have fun?|- Yeah, it was cool.

Yeah. So how'd your interview go?

Creepy.

Did you ever talk to someone and think|everything they're saying is a lie?

Yeah. Nugget.

Well, Nugget's harmless.|This guy--

You know what you should do? Your|paper's got police connections, right?

You get the cops to do|a background check on him.

That's the way they do it|on NYPD Blue.

Hmm. Well, I see Mikey's|not the only one glued...

to the TV all day long.

But we only watch educational|programs. Right, mate?

Yeah. Like wrestling.

"Can you smell|what the Rock is cooking? "

- Well, did he behave today?|- Yeah, he was good as gold.

I wasn't talking to you.|I was talking to Mikey.

Oh.

And no more TV.|You start school tomorrow.

G'day. Mick Dundee.

Here to pick up my ankle biter.|It's his first day.

Ah, Barry Katz.|What, uh, grade's he in?

- Uh, fourth.|- Oh, same as my boy.

My boy's in the third.|Eric Berry.

- Hi, Eric.|- Well, you look like an outdoors man.

What do you think of this|whole survival camp idea?

What is it?

The school's puttin' it on this summer.|Teach kids how to survive in the woods.

Fishing, making campfires.|Dads are welcome.

- Oh.|- [Eric ] I think it's a great idea.

Gives them a chance to get in touch|with nature. I'm gonna take Gary along.

Good for you.|Couple of weeks in the bush,

you and your boy,|you'll both love it.

You ever take your boy into the outback|where you were? Down under?

All the time.

Just last month,|I took him into the bush.

Taught him how to kill|a wild boar with a stick.

Kill a boar?|But he's, like, nine years old!

Yeah, well, you know what they say.|Better late than never, eh?

Ah.|See you later, fellas.

Hey, Dad. Ms. Mathis wants to talk|to you. I'll meet you over there.

- Dorothy Mathis, Mr. Charleton.|- Oh, how do you do?

Actually, it's Mick Dundee.|But I'm Mikey's dad.

Oh, Mr. Dundee. Right.

Well, first off, Mikey is|a lovely boy. Bright, friendly.

There's just one small problem,|one we run into all the time here.

We call it|the "Hollywood Syndrome. "

Like when a dad plays|a policeman in a movie,

the children often believe|he's actually a policeman.

Oh, right, you've got|a lot of actors' kids here.

I'm not in the movie business, I'm in|the tourism business. Not so glamorous.

Exactly. Which is why|your son tries to make it...

sound a bit more colorful|than it really is.

Now, it seems harmless,|but little fibs can grow.

What's he been sayin'?

I'm afraid he told everyone|you're a hunter,

and you hunt and kill crocodiles.|[ Chuckles Nervously ]

Oh. He knows|better than that.

Crocodiles are protected.|I don't kill 'em. I catch 'em alive.

Oh? Well, yes, of course.

I'll talk to him.|There'll be no more fibs.

Really nice to meet you, Dorothy.

Looks like a hunter.

Nice butt.

Dad, will you tell the teachers|to call me Dundee, not Charleton?

Oh, sure. We just had to enroll you|at school under your mother's name...

'cause that's your|legal name over here.

Is that 'cause|you won't marry Mum?

Oh, no, we're married...|sorta.

We just haven't done|the legal bit yet.

So what'd the kids say when you told|them your dad was a crocodile hunter?

They said, "Well, what's|he doing in Beverly Hills? "

Smart kids.

Hey, Dad,|what's that man doing?

I don't know.|Let's go and ask him.

Excuse me, mister.|What are you doing?

Well, I'm meditating,|young man.

What's meditating?

Meditating is a special place I go|in my mind where there's no distraction,

and I receive|a great source of power.

Cool. Can you|show us how, please?

Sure. Come forward|and have a seat.

- My name's Mikey. What's yours?|- Hi, Mikey. I'm Mike.

Oh, hi, Mike.|I'm Mick, Mikey's dad.

Mikey, Mick, Mike.|You gotta be kidding me, right?

- No.|- Okay, okay. Hold your legs...

like in a Buddha position,

grab your ankles to|save yourself some discomfort,

and, um, we're gonna take it easy--|close your eyes, relax.

[ Inhales Deeply ]|Inhale the positivity,

[ Exhaling ]|exhale the negativity.

Inhale the positivity,

exhale the negativity.

Open your eyes.|Wake up. Relax.

- How do you feel?|- Very powerful.

And that's the ticket, daddy-o--|power. It's all in the power.

Mikey, would you just hurry up ahead.|I need to talk to Mike for a minute.

- Okay.|- In private.

- Thanks, Mike. See ya.|- You're welcome, Mikey. Take care.

Now, Mike, I need a favor.

You know, Mick, everybody|needs a favor from me.

Well, I need you to help me up.|My knees have locked.

That's my bad right there.|You got it, buddy.

I didn't want my kid to see.|Oh! There.

Thank you.

Hey, Dad, did you see the size of|Mike's muscles? They were huge.

Yeah. You see, you should never|judge a book by its cover.

That Mike-- big man,|built like a brick dunney,

but I could tell straightaway|he was a gentle man.

He wouldn't hurt a fly.|I just know people. It's a gift.

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