Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles Page #5

[Man On TV] I need you guys|to tear this place apart.

Ah, it's the bowlin' ball.|Pure heroin.

- I know it's here somewhere.|- Check out the bowlin' ball.

- Hey, what about this bowling ball?|- There, I knew it.

[ Television Continues ]

- Hey, Sue!|- Hmm?

- What are you doin', love?|- Trying to think like a journalist again.

I used to be|pretty good at it.

Not that anyone was gonna put...

Sue Charleton and Pulitzer Prize|in the same sentence,

but, ah, [ Sighs ]|I'm just stumped.

Is it that, uh,|film studio thing?

I'm sure it's an elaborate front|for something. But what?

They're smugglin'.

- Drugs or guns.|- How do you arrive at that?

That's what it always is.

The big money thing they smuggle|into America are drugs.

And the big thing goin' out--|guns.

Oh.

And where did this insight into|major criminal activities come from?

Oh, from TV.|I'm a quick learner.

I look like I just fell off the turnip|truck, but I didn't land on my head.

You know what you need?|You need a mole.

- A mole?|- Me. I'll get a job at the studio.

Oh, Mick, I know you need|something to do, but--

I made a lot of contacts|at that movie party.

I bet one of them|could get me a job there.

Well, what about Mikey? Who's gonna|take him to school in the morning?

I'll get him one of those nannies.|I'll get a good one.

No worry. Leave it to me.|This is important.

See, sometimes I think young Mikey|thinks I'm a bit of a hillbilly.

Well, I am, actually.

I wanna show him that being a hillbilly|doesn't necessarily mean you're dumb.

I wanna show him that being a hillbilly|doesn't necessarily mean you're dumb.

[ Man ] So our first group,|stroll up the street,

followed by our three businessmen|at a more brisk pace...

and then our two|construction workers!

- Diego Rosales.|- Yeah, Mick. Mick Smith.

Nice to meet you, Mick.

Now, we're in Berlin,|so please walk like Germans!

How do Germans walk?

- One foot after the other?|- Okay.

So, this is a rehearsal!|Background only!

And... action!

What the hell are you doing?

I just wanted my kid|to see me in the picture.

Yeah, well, if you start looking|at the camera during the take,

- they'll take you out of the picture.|- Oh.

- You're new, aren't you?|- Yeah, first role. Bit nervous.

Cut!|Back to one, please!

- Just relax. Watch me, okay?|- Yeah.

Forget about the camera.

We're two working stiffs|on our way to a bar.

- Oh, just pretend it's real life?|- Yeah.

Okay, now, people, we will be doing it|for real this time, and remember--

attention, please!

- Quiet, everyone! Picture's up!|- Quiet!

- Roll!|- Sound speed.

Marker.

Set.|And... background action.

And action.

Stop that man!

- Cut! Cut!|- Man, are you okay?

- What the hell happened?|- It was my fault. I saw him runnin'--

Uh, what happened is that he--|he tried to catch him as he fell.

We saw him trip. He went down hard.|Are you sure you're okay?

- Thanks for trying, buddy.|- Okay, we'll go again.

Back to one! Fast as you can!|We're losing the light!

Hey, thanks|for covering up for me.

I couldn't help it, you know? Reflex.|Sort of like a football flashback.

Football, my ass.|That wasn't exactly a legal tackle.

It is at home. It's called a dowel|and coat hanger. Anyway, I owe you one.

No, no, it's okay.|I had to keep you here.

You're fun. I want to see what you're|gonna do to screw up the next take.

Okay.

Oh, uh, what's the problem,|Michael?

Miss, do people like rats|in America, or are they just pests?

- Why do you ask?|- There's a big rat in the bookshelves.

[ All Screaming ]

[ Gasping, Groaning]

- Is it dead?|- No, Miss.

I only stunned it. Dad says never kill|anything unless you're gonna eat it.

[ All ]|Eww!

I think we'll just put it|outside, please.

He's my best friend, you know?

The key to survival here is you gotta|keep your face away from the camera.

That way they can use you|again and again.

- I've been in every mob scene.|- You're a pro.

All right, everyone!|Settle down!

- Settling!|- Try again.

And background action!

Action.

Watch this! Watch this!|Kiki, get me a drink.

[ Chittering ]

Cut!|This isn't working.

What's the problem|with the monkey?

Sorry. She was fine earlier.|Come here, Kiki. Come here.

Come here.

I don't understand.|She never does this.

Come here, Kiki!

She's just a bit nervous.|What do you want her to do?

- You ever work with animals?|- Yeah.

- Kinda.|- She's supposed to go to the table...

and take a soda|to the actor.

- Diet or regular?|- Whatever. Diet.

- Want a glass?|- She hasn't learned that.

- We're running late here.|- [ Whispering ]

Can we try one more time?|If this doesn't work, we'll drop it.

Okay, back to one.|This is the real thing, everybody.

Concentrating. Roll!

- Picture's up!|- Speed. Marker.

- And background action!|- Action!

Watch this. Watch this!

Kiki, get me a drink.

Make it a diet one.

And a glass too!|Thank you, mein Liebchen.

Cut! Print!|Check the gate.

[Applause ]|Whoo!

[ Whispering ]|Book him.

Look, uh, I got a problem.|All my animals are on the jungle set,

and I can't keep coming|back and forth with the chimp.

So if you'll fill in for me,|I'll double what you're getting paid.

Will I still be on this picture?

Every day.|Kiki's an above-the-title player.

- You got a deal.|- [ Clapping]

You're looking at|the new monkey wrangler.

- Thanks for your help, Diego.|- Dude, Mick!

Hey, hey, this is|a positive career move.

- Reckon?|- I'm telling you, you're gonna go far.

Ah! Don't be a stranger now.

Hell of a nice guy.

Can't act for sh*t,

but he'll probably wind up|with his own TV sitcom.

- [ Kids Chattering ]|- Mikey!

Wait just a minute, dear.

- See ya, Mike.|- Bye, Mikey.

I suppose your father's|picking you up again.

Nah, he's at work this week.

Oh. Bummer. Well, how are you|getting home then?

I've got a nanny|like all the other kids.

Oh! Which one's yours?

Over there.|The big one.

- Your nanny?|- He's Uncle Jacko from back home.

- And is Uncle Jacko married?|- No, but he's looking.

Hi. Dorothy Mathis.|I'm Mikey's teacher.

G'day, Dorothy.|Call me Jacko.

G'day, Dorothy.|Call me Jacko.

Bloody marvelous.

Los Angeles, eh?

Funny name.

Los Angeles.

Yeah, it means, uh,|"lost angels. "

It's Italian.|Ah, there it is.

I told Sue I'd take you somewhere|really special for dinner.

You're gonna love this place.|Trust me.

Now, pick out what you want|of the menu here...

and you yell it out|into that box.

Two minutes later,|you're scarfing it down...

without even|getting out of the car.

We have these drive-ins|back home in the cities,

but this is|where it all started.

So you can eat like a pig|and no one can see you.

Clever buggers,|these Yanks, eh?

Well, this is why L. A. is famous|all around the world--

for its fine cuisine.

[ Girl] Welcome to Wendy's.|Can I take your order?

Let me handle this.|Good evening, Wendy.

There will be four of us|dining in the car this evening.

So we're gonna need|four triple burgers with cheese...

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