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Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles Page #6
and four Biggie Fries.
So that's four Classic riples...
- Uh, wait a minute.|- and four Biggie Fries?
Uh, here comes Stan and Harry.
Uh, they'll also be|dining with us tonight,
so we need...|six triple burgers with cheese...
and six Biggie Fries.
Okay. Six Classic ripples|with cheese and six Biggie Fries?
- You know what I'd really like to do?|- What's that?
Go right up on the roof|on one of those skyscrapers.
That's easy.|Just find one that's open.
S'truth. This is|higher than Ayers Rock.
Yeah. Of course, the buildings|in New York are a lot higher.
I was there, you know.
Old New York.
Or as we call it, the "Big Apple. "
Big Apple?|Why do you call it that?
Well, because|it's really big and, uh--
Yeah, but none of those buildings|are as dangerous as this.
What do you mean?
Well, they don't have|earthquakes in New York.
They have 'em here|all the time, right?
Yeah.
God!
What do you reckon|it'd do to this building?
Hey, I wouldn't wanna be up here|if she started shakin', eh?
[ Chuckling ]
I've seen enough.|You done?
Oh, yeah.|No point in hangin' round.
This quake-safe?
No worries.
Oh, mate, I need a drink|after all those 1, 286 stairs.
No worries, mate.
Didn't work.
Well, you gotta wait. There's hundreds|of cars going through...
and just us two trying to cross.
Yeah?|Now there's 20 of us, eh?
Yeah, but you can't do that.|It's illegal.
Well, I don't see any cops.
Yeah, but they have cameras|at all these intersections, see?
If you do anything wrong, they take|your picture and send you a fine.
Yeah, but I ain't wearing|a number plate around my neck,
so how the hell are they|gonna know who I am, huh?
When you landed here,|you showed 'em your passport, right?
- Yeah.|- Got your picture in it, dopey.
Oh, yeah, right.
I wonder|how much they fine you.
It all depends on how many times|you push the button.
- This looks like us.|- Great. Texas bar. We're in.
This could be a bit of fun.
These American cowboys|like a good barroom brawl.
- ## [Disco ]|- Howdy, boys. Step on in.
Howdy, ma'am.
- Ma'am.|- Howdy, cowboys.
# It's raining men|Hallelujah #
Stone the bloody crows!
That must've been|one of those poofter bars.
Yup. Only I believe|the correct term is "gay homosexual. "
That's what they call|their shirt-lifters over here.
The only woman there was|the cowgirl at the door.
## [ Rap ]
Give it up, punk,|or I'll blow you away.
- ## [Rap Continues]|- Uh, hang on. I can't hear you.
## [Stops]
- That's better. Now how can I help you?|- Smart-ass cowboy, huh?
- Hand me over your money, man!|- They ain't cowboys.
- They're fools dressed up!|- Fools got money too. [ Laughing ]
- Give it up or I'll bust a cap in your ass!|- Yeah, hand it over, b*tch!
B*tch?
Son, you have any idea how quick|you have to be to catch a tiger snake?
I'm always getting mugged.|I must look rich.
It's one of them soft-top cars.|Cave in.
- [Punks Yelling]|- [ Horn Honks ]
- Ow!|- You know,
this must be why they call L. A.|the "City on Wheels. "
What do you mean?
They don't even get out|of their car to mug you.
- Hey!|- [ Groaning] Ow!
It's all your fault, homes!|You shouldn't have called him a b*tch!
Should we call the cops?
No point. Over here,|they'd probably end up suing us.
Besides, it's not their fault.
It's the drugs.
I saw all about it|on that Geraldo Rivera.
He knows the streets.
Let's just get a cup of coffee|and go home.
Don't be too hasty|ordering coffee around here.
You might not be too happy|with the way they serve it.
Trust me.
And this is where a big crocodile|almost bit his leg right off.
- Whoa!|- Neat!
Well, to tell the truth, kids,|it wasn't really that big.
No more than 20 feet or so|anyway.
[Boy]|Whoa! That's huge!
- [ Chittering ]|- Yes, I know.
They just don't appreciate|a real artiste. I'd have bit him too.
I thought you were fabulous.
I don't care what that director said.|He's an idiot.
You were really good.
- You said black with one sugar, right?|- Oh, yes.
- Thanks, mate. Excellent.|- And...
I got us a little treat|for our friend here.
Oh, great.|That'll hit the spot.
- Black and one sugar.|- [ Slurps ]
She's a bit grumpy today.
Not happy with|the size of her trailer.
She wants a big one like Virgil,|but I keep telling her,
"Virgil's a lion.|You're only a monkey. "
- [ Chittering ]|- Sorry.
"Chimpanzee. "
Say, have you thought|about changing agents?
Diego, you're talking to a chimp.|They don't speak English.
Neither did my first wife.
Neither did my first wife.
Keep moving, Dravos.
Don't be stupid!|Mind the painting!
[ Muttering ]
Just lean it carefully|against the wall for now.
- [ Thuds ]|- Carefully!
G'day, Phil.|What's happening, mate?
Hi, Mick.|The usual continuity nightmare.
Right.
- What's that mean?|- It means I have to make this set...
look exactly like it did|on location in Yugoslavia.
Yugoslavia. Is that where|all these paintings come from?
Yup. They had them|done there. Dumb.
Would've been cheaper here,|and more realistic.
Oh, so none of these are valuable.|They're just all copies.
Yup, and rather|poor ones at that.
And these huge, tacky frames?|For God sakes.
Don't they usually cart|the sets and the props...
from one country|to another and back again?
Maybe in a big-budget international|movie like Mission: Impossible 3.
But I haven't seen Tom Cruise|hanging around the set, have you?
Tom Cruise.|What's he look like?
Like... Tom Cruise.
Jeez, Mick, were you|born in a cave?
Yeah!|How did you know that?
Never mind.
Jim, the Van Goghs|are down at the wrong end.
See, here they started with|the Gauguins, one above the other.
Let's get this right.|We gotta be done in here tonight.
They're shooting|in here tomorrow.
[ Sniffs ]
[Mick ] You see,|you can mix heroin into a plaster,
make it any shape you like.
So, when I see this guy go nuts 'cause|they bumped the lousy painting,
that's when I knew|where the drugs were hidden--
molded into the picture frames.
Pure heroin, or|as we call it, "smack. "
Jeez, Mick, you really do|think like a detective.
Yeah, well, it comes sort of|natural to me, you know?
- Hey, Mick.|- Ah.
That was the police lab.
Sorry. The frames are just plaster.|There's no drugs.
Oh, bugger it.
I was sure|I cracked the case.
I don't know. Maybe they're not|smuggling anything.
Oh, no. They're sneaking around|with something.
I just haven't found it yet.
Look, I read about this fella,
he used to push|a wheelbarrow full of cow dung...
"Manure for the garden, " he'd say.|Went on for months.
And the border guards knew|he was smuggling something,
so they'd stop him and rake through|that manure with a fine-tooth comb.
Never found a thing.
Turned out they were right.|He was smuggling something:
wheelbarrows.
See, it's there, and I'm just|not seeing it... yet. But I will.
Nah. I reckon he was right|the first time. It's drugs.
They wouldn't go to all|that trouble for wheelbarrows.
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"Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/crocodile_dundee_in_los_angeles_6078>.
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