Cruising Bar 2

(dance music)

As:
Serge - The Earthworm

Grard - The Bull

Jean-Jacques - The Peacock

Patrice - The Lion

MEET MARKET 2

- Hello, Myriam?

Myriam, it's me.

Well, as we said,

l'll be there at around...

Call you back.

(moaning)

- Serge, come!

(panting and moaning)

(moaning)

Come!

Serge, hurry!

- l'm coming! l'm coming!

- Hurry, Serge!

(panting)

(taking short breaths)

Serge, it hurts!

(woman moaning)

(Serge taking short breaths)

Oh...!

Ah...!

Ooh...

(both screaming)

lt hurts!

(buzzing)

Help me!

Help me get up!

(moaning)

Hold on!

Did you call the ambulance?

-Yes.

- Serge?

- Uh-huh?

(liquid running)

- My water broke.

- Huh?

- Serge?

Serge!

-Arrivaderci, Grard!

(spritzing)

(suspenseful music)

(clanging)

(gun cocking)

(gunfire)

(screaming)

-And cut!

Good work.

Fantastic. Real champs.

- l know.

- Call in the stuntman.

- Stuntman, please!

- Hurry, you're wanted on set.

- Thanks.

l'd work more

if American actors were taller.

They're shrimps.

The last U.S. shoot,

l couldn't stunt for Tom Cruise.

He comes up to here.

- Serge.

- Mm-mm.

- Serge.

Hey. lt's me, not him!

(panting)

- lt'll be okay.

- He's early, l'm not ready.

Serge?

Remember to call my husband!

(groaning)

Tell him to bring my things.

-Yes.

(moaning)

-And call Mom.

-Yes!

- Don't forget Mom!

- No, no!

- Thanks, little brother.

(wailing)

- Where's the f***ing stuntman?

Where is the f***ing stuntman?!!

- Maybe you should add

some padding here.

- Costume's too tight.

Go on, you're fine.

And a helmet?

- Go on, Schwarzenegger!

- No helmet?

- Hello, Myriam?

Myriam?

lt's me, Jean-Jacques, again.

Look, l'll be over

in about 10 minutes.

See you, darling.

She must be in the shower.

- Where's the f***ing stuntman?!

- Where's the stuntman?

- l'm here! l'm coming!

l'm coming!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Ah!

- Oh, sh*t!!Ahhhhhhh!

(moaning)

- Oh, good god! Larry!

(Larry moaning)

Oh, Jesus!

Talk to me, Larry!

- Excuse me?!

l didn't... l didn't seen him!

- What?

- l didn't seen him.

ls he hurt?

- You son-of-a-b*tch.

You f***ing a**hole,

get off of my set!

Get out of my sight!

Get off of my set!!

Larry? Larry?

(Larry moaning)

(cellphone ringing)

(moaning)

(ringing)

(ringing)

(ringing)

You...

- Can l call you back?

- You get off of my set!

- l'd appreciate it.

- You f***ing a**hole!

Get out of my sight!

(engine starting)

(spritzing)

-Argh...

(swishing)

- Salome, 35.

5 foot 11,

sporty,

seeks yuppy

for a trip around the world.

7-figure income only.

- Mylne, forties. l love sex.

l want a man for sex

and nothing but sex.

Get the idea?

-Ahem.

(beep )

l'm Serge,

l'm looking for love.

Ahem.

l'm Serge...

(beep )

l'm love...

(snorting)

Silly! ''l'm love''!

(laughing)

(beep )

- C'mon, open!

(beeping)

What is it today?

(ringing doorbell)

Gertrude?

There! The lock...

What now?

Come on!

What is this?

(knocking hard)

Gertrude!

Gertrude!

Come on, Gertrude!

Gertrude!

You can't do this to me.

Not after 30 years of marriage!

- This way.

Hide over there.

That's it.

Ahem. Ahem!

Oh. Sorry, l have the wrong door.

l'm sorry, forgive me.

lsn't this Myriam Legendre's

apartment?

- Myriam doesn't want

to see you anymore.

- Hmm!

Thank you.

- l'm Serge, forties.

Late forties.

Serious, but likes to have fun.

Likes animals.

l'm looking for a woman

who's easy-going...

... and pretty-ish.

My phone number

is 514-842--

(phone ringing)

Gosh darnit!

Excuse me.

(ringing)

Hello?

- Hello, Serge?

- Oh, Mom?

- Your sister delivered!

- Wait, don't tell me!

l want to make a wish.

A girl?

- Yes!

- l won!

l won! l guessed right!

- Hi there.

lt's me!

Ooh!

l gave those Americans

a knock-out performance!

The director couldn't believe it.

He said that in Qubec, the...

The stuntmen are...

... top-notch.

Marie-Andre?

(echoing)

''l can't take it anymore.

''Bye-bye.

Marie-Andre.''

- Hello, boss!

Did somebody die?

- No, no.

Well, then...

how 'bout we take inventory?

- Uh... no inventory today.

(phone ringing)

- How long had you been together?

- Two months.

ln a few weeks.

- Did you love her that deeply?

- No.

- Jean-Jacques,

what do you want from a woman?

(phone ringing)

(beep )

- Gertrude?

lt's me.

Grard.

Your husband.

Gertrude...?

(sighing)

Gertrude...!

Pick it up.

Gertrude!

- l'm not home!

- Gertrude!

Gertrude, jeez!

Dammit!

(sighing)

(sighing)

(sighing)

(sighing)

(squeaking)

My days are endless.

Feels like three weeks already.

l can't work, can't sleep or eat.

l have no more oomph.

Come on!

Come on, Gertrude!

Wait a minute. Let me ex--

Gertrude, let me explain!

Gertrude!

Gertrude, let me...

(dogs barking in distance)

- l'd put a mattress there.

- Beaudoin, you goddamn f***er!

Lower him!

- Sure, boss.

- Come on!!

Know how much that American's

gonna f***ing cost me? F***!

Before you ruin my business,

l want you out!

Don't ever come back!

ls that clear?

- Do you think he meant it?

(setting car alarm )

(indistinct chatter)

(phone ringing)

(ringing)

(ringing)

(ringing)

- Hello?

Yes, speaking.

Who?

Suzy?

Ah, Suzy!

(doorbell ringing)

- l have tickets for Vegas!

- Take your babes to Vegas!

- Gertrude, w-w-wait.

lt was an accident.

l didn't cheat on you.

lt was an accident.

lt was just one time.

Gertrude!

- Hello, what can l bring you?

- Do you have lnstock lceberg

crystalline water?

-Yes.

- Okay.

l'd like an Ushuaa water.

- Fine choice.

- Do you happen to have water

from the glacier in...

... Spitzberg?

- Yes, of course.

-And...

what about Jungfrau water?

(sexy sax music)

- Yes.

- Jungfraujoch water?

(sax music)

- Yes, yes.

(music)

(music)

-Ah...

- So, did you miss me?

Huh, my pretty Suzy?

(dog whimpering)

Aimer d'amour

C'est aimer

Comme moi je t'aime...

Aimer d'amour

C'est aimer

Comme moi je t'aime...

Depuis que tu es l

(revving engine)

Je ne pense qu' toi

(honking horn)

Tu prends tout mon temps

- Think you can buy me?

Tu es tout ce que j'attends

J'ai besoin de t'aimer

De te comprendre et d'tre aim

De te prendre...

(dog yapping)

- Oh...

aren't you good-looking!

You're so cute!

- Thank you.

- How old are you?

- Two.

- Do you come here often?

-Yes.

- What's your name?

- Serge.

Uh... l mean, Suzy.

Hi there!

- Bye, Suzy!

- C'mon, Suzy.

(Suzy yapping)

- Wait, l'm at my dad's.

Hi, Dad!

- Hi!

- Whoa.

What happened?

- Oh, uh...

... Marie-Andre left.

She moved out.

-Ah, l hate seeing you sad.

- lt's okay.

At least work's going great.

How are you?

- l can't be ready by 7:00!

- Huh?

- No, l'm talking to Tanya.

Thank you for...

Dad! l'm talking to you!

Yeah, hi, hold on a sec.

Thanks for my trip to New York.

lt's the best present

you ever gave me!

- My pleasure.

- No, not him!

lf he's there, l'm not going!

He's disgusting!

Look... Dad!

- Huh?

- You should get out,

meet people.

- Where can l go?

- Yeah, l'm on my way.

You and Marie-Andre,

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