Cruising Bar 2 Page #2

it was coming.

l gotta go. Love you!

- Me too.

- Sure, Kim has it.

Wait, l have another call.

Hello? William, hi!

-Ah...

You're...

you're so beautiful!

(moaning)

You're... perfect!

Y-you...

You really turn me on!

DANCE SCHOOL:

- This is Sylvie.

She's a new student

we're thrilled to have.

(all):
Hello!

- Okay!

Let's go over our samba steps.

Music, please!

(samba music)

And...

left, right.

Left, right.

Left, forward, right, place.

Left, place.

Right, place.

Once more.

Left, place.

Right, place.

One and two.

To the side!

Keep the beat!

Okay!

Everybody, choose a partner.

Come, Serge.

Come.

(doorbell ringing)

(sighing)

- Gertrude, listen.

''Dear Gertrude,

''l know l did things

that were wrong,

''but those days

are done and gone.

''No more will l stray,

''it's with you

''l want all my life to stay.

"Without you, it's true,

my life is through.

''l'll be faithful with kisses,

''like a loon to his missus.

''l'll be your loving honeybee...

... and you my queen.''

- Did you write that?

Come in, you dolt.

(swing music)

- Come on!

Do you want to or not?

- lt's not that...

You have a bunion.

- So? l have a bunion.

- lt's just that, me...

lt makes me...

- Forget my bunion!

Ah!!

Oh-ho!

Look at that!

Oh...!

(laughing)

Oh! My toe turns you off?

Ooh!

(laughing)

You're funny!Ahairpiece?

(laughing)

l'm sorry!

Forgive me.

(laughing hysterically)

l wasn't expecting it!

That's hilarious!

(swing music)

- Sorry!

Mrs Toupin?

Mrs Toupin?

Sorry.

Mrs Toupin?

- l don't know what it is, Doc.

l have a knot here.

lfigured it'd go away by itself.

But it hasn't. lt's like a lump.

- lt doesn't look good.

High blood pressure.

Soon arthritis, cholesterol...

Your prostate will act up.

You pee at night?

Takes 15 or 20 minutes

to wake up?

Don't worry.

lt's normal.

lt's called middle age.

Any changes in your life?

- Just that my girlfriend dumped me.

l don't get it. We were doing so well.

So l thought.

Came out of left field.

- Your erections?

- Huh?

lt's firm at the base,

softer in the middle,

and rock hard

from there to the tip.

(snickering)

l was just joking, Doc.

- Sex is no laughing matter.

Ready?

(still clattering)

- Hey! Wait! Wait up!

No!

- Excuse me.

- Hey, hey.

- Hey! Whoa!

Hold your horses, kiddo!

Let's get things straight.

- We'll work on your body,

then your mind.

- Just my luck.

l bet today's

the two-for-one special.

Two fingers instead of one.

(laughing)

Ahem.

Put on some music,

lower the lights a little.

- Take a deep breath.

(sucking in breath)

(whimpering)

- Whoa-ho-ho-ho.

Relax.

l haven't started.

Here goes.

(grunting)

No free rides.

You have to be careful,

exercise regularly, do cardio.

Take up a sport.

l don't know, jogging...

... or roller-blading.

Get your sex life in shape.

And learn to relax.

- There are conditions

if you want me back.

First, flab doesn't tum me on.

You'll diet. Second,

the next fling, you're out of here.

Third, when l feel like it,

l'll decide when we make love.

No canoodling

until l'm sure you've changed.

l call the shots.

- But Gertrude!

- Fourth...

- Listen, Jean-Jacques.

ln eight years of therapy...

l'll come to the point.

l'll be frank with you.

What l've wanted to tell you

for so long...

what l've tried to lead you

to discover yourself...

... what l have to tell you,

Jean-Jacques,

is that you may be gay.

- You're not serious?

- l am.

- Come off it.

- Yes, Jean-Jacques.

l mean it.

You have to experience it, try it,

to find out if you are

or if you aren't.

- lt'll melt away like butter.

- Can't we take it nice and easy?

l'll become so weak!

- Eat while it's hot.

(sighing)

- You know l hate cauliflower.

- lt's broccoli.

- Broccoli, cauliflower...

- Glucoflex.

Omega-3.

Active Male Multi-Vitamin.

(both screaming)

- ldiot!

- Sure got you!

- You haven't changed.

Hey, Chief.

- l got you, huh?

-And how!

- l got you!

- ls Marie-Andre with you?

- lt's true, you don't know.

l'll let you in on it,

but keep it to yourself.

l broke up with Marie-Andre.

- Come off it!

- Yeah.

l split up.

- You didn't!

Are you in love?

You're in love, right?

Ayounger chick, right?

ls that it?

How old is she?

- 32.

Nearly 33.

- You lucky bastard!

- l gotta go.

- Okay.

Some guys have all the luck!

- See you, Chief.

- Bye.

(rattling)

- Oh.

Hey. Hey, hey.

Hey, hey! Hey.

Excuse me!

Hey!

Hey, hey!

(screaming)

(whimpering)

(sighing with relief)

- How bout a quick spin cycle?

- The laundry's done.

Sort your socks instead.

- My socks! My socks!

Who cares about my socks?!

l can't take it!

My balls are going to burst!

One of them's turned navy blue.

l need to make love.

lt's in my blood.

l'm a Simoneau.

My dad was like me.

My brothers are like me.

We have too much taster...

tester...

Toast-your-own...

- Testosterone!

- Right.

l need to let go.

Do you understand?

lt's not healthy.

- ls yourwrist arthritic?

- Come on.

Y-y-you...

you know l don't like to mas...

... to masturbate.

l love you, l want you.

(sighing)

- l'm not ready!

-Ah... Gertrude.

- Why do you smell of garlic?

- l'll go finish my birdhouse.

- Me,

Jean-Jacques...

... a homo...

Aquee...

Afag.

- Ow.

Ow! Goddammit all!

There, it's finished!

(upbeat music)

(groaning)

(racket)

- Ow!

- l can't get my head around it.

l have to see the doctor.

- She's with a client.

Shall l make an appointment?

- No, no.

l have to see her right away.

- How about the 18th at 10?

- No, no, the 18th, today, now!

- Sir?

- l just can't get my head around it!

Sorry, madam, but it's urgent.

Doctor,

l'm not gay.

lt's impossible!

l'd have sensed it before now.

- Jean-Jacques, to be certain,

you have to try it.

- Really, it's impossible.

l don't want to be gay!

What will people take me for?

What will they think?

Anything,

but not gay!

Who wants to be gay?!

- Uh...

Gertrude...

sorry to harp on it, but...

... do you think...

today's the day?

Does...

does that mean

today's not the day?

l like your carrot salad.

lt's tasty... lt's tasty.

(rock music)

(rock music)

- Excuse me...!

Excuse me...!

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

(sighing)

- Oh-oh-oh...

Ah... ahhhhhh...!

- Excuse me!!!

Excuse me!

Excuse me!!

Excuse me!!!

(deep, scratchy voice): Thanks.

Ahem!

(''normally''):
Thanks.

- Hello, Maurice?

Grard.

Yeah.

Listen, Maurice, uh...

l've a little favour to ask.

(stuffed-up voice):

Hello, Marie-Andre?

lt's me, Patrice.

No, this isn't a joke.

lt's me.

lt's me, really.

Marie-Andre!

Marie-Andre, don't hang up.

lt's me, Patrice.

No, l'm not okay.

l had a little accident at work.

Yeah. Do you think...

... we could get together tonight?

M-Marie-Andre...

Marie-Andre.

(sniffing loudly)

(blowing)

- lt's Maurice,

he's called three times.

- l don't want to play cards.

l like being home.

- He's an old friend.

- l don't want to leave you alone.

- lt's okay,

Henriette's coming over.

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