D.E.B.S. Page #4

The bank is coming up

on your left.

D.E.B.S., be careful.

D.E.B.S. spotted en route.

E TA two minutes.

Copy that.

D.E.B.S. en route, two minutes.

Do I look okay?

This is retarded.

-Bradshaw?

-What?

The plan?

Oh, okay. Formation

Alpha Kappa Gamma.

Let's do this!

What was that?

She's here.

She's watching us.

Jesus.

Come here.

I can't.

-Come here.

-I can't.

What are you doing?

Nothing. Let's go.

We'll be right back.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on.

-What?

-It's a trap.

-Whatever.

-Wait!

Why are you giving me

such a hard time?

This is great.

If you're gonna do the job,

do the job right.

Creepy shadows, no bad guys,

enclosed space. Trap.

-You think I can't handle it?

-No.

I know that you can't handle it.

I don't care if you are

the perfect score.

Perfect whore.

You wouldn't know Alpha Gamma

if it was tattooed on your forehead.

-Guys.

-This is stupid. We are going to die.

No, it's okay.

As your senior officer...

...I order you

to secure the vault, soldier.

-You order me?

-You heard me.

Fine.

See, that wasn't so hard.

I think you guys owe me an ap--

Trap.

-What are you doing here?

-I wanted to apologize for last night.

I was-- I was out of line.

-You have to release them.

-Who?

The hostages.

And put back the money.

This thing has gotten

way out of hand.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

Please don't smoke.

Please?

Oh, my God,

tell her not to smoke.

There's not enough oxygen.

We're gonna run out of air...

...and we're gonna be all faint...

...and the air that's gonna be left

is gonna be toxic.

This is bullshit.

This cannot get any worse.

Trap.

Don't you understand?

I can't be here.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to stress you out.

I'm not stressed out!

-No. No!

-This is not possible.

I'm such a freak.

You must think I'm a freak.

-I don't.

-I'm sorry I wigged out last night.

-It's okay.

-It's just...

...I don't want you to get

the wrong idea.

-Yeah, okay.

-I mean....

-I mean, I really like you.

-Right.

But I don't, like, like you.

Yeah. Yeah, I gathered.

That's why I brought you here,

so we could clear the air between us.

It's really sweet of you

to go to all this trouble...

...the chute and all. But my friends

are gonna wonder where I am.

-No, they're not.

-Why?

No reason.

Lucy!

-Going to be squashed!

-Oh, no! Oh, no!

-Oh, my God. Lucy!

-Come on.

It's not like they're gonna die

or anything.

No! No! Oh, no!

Let them out. I'm serious.

Okay. Jesus. Booby trap

deactivated. Happy?

That wasn't funny.

It was kind of funny.

I can't.

-I gotta go.

-No, no, I'll go.

I understand this whole thing

isn't gonna work out between us...

...because, obviously, I misinterpreted

the whole situation. But....

I just want you to know that last night

was the most alive I've felt in a while.

So I guess I'll see you around.

Same Bat-time or whatever.

Come with me.

Come on.

What do you have to lose?

Everything.

Oh, my gosh.

Lucy Diamond has Amy.

You guys, she's been kidnapped.

A D.E.B. is down.

We will spare no expense.

We will leave no rock unturned.

We will not rest until we see

that she comes back safely.

No, no!

No way! Are you... ?

I know.

Amy, where are you?

I know you're out playing hooky

with Lucy...

...but they have the whole school

looking for you. Bobby, everybody.

Call me.

You know where she is?

Do you know where she is?

How about this?

Do you wanna answer me?

Amy, oh, my God, if you don't

come back, I'm telling.

I am telling your mother. I'm calling

her and telling her right now.

Seriously, Amy, I'm sorry I left

such a mean message. Just....

Please, come home.

So then this mysterious man

shows up at my high school...

...and hands me this letter

which is, like:

"Congratulations, you've just been

accepted into Jameson University."

And I'm like, "I didn't apply

to Jameson University."

The government's

freaky that way.

Yeah.

So, what does it measure,

this secret test in the SAT?

I don't know.

-You never asked?

-No. It measures spy stuff.

-What?

-It's just weird that you let...

...this test decide what you're gonna

be, and you don't even know what it is.

It doesn't decide what I'm gonna be.

It's an aptitude test.

It measures aptitude, I guess.

Okay.

-You should do what you're good at.

-No, you should do what you love.

I am doing what I love.

-Why are you psychoanalyzing me?

-I'm not psychoanalyzing you.

I mean, just because I'm not

some badass master criminal...

...doesn't mean that

what I do is not important.

-I didn't say it wasn't important.

-Do you love a life of crime?

-Yeah, I do.

-So you get a kick out of...

...taking money from hard-working,

honest people.

-What is your problem?

-I just--

-I don't think you should judge me.

-I'm not.

I'm not the one that got picked

out of a gajillion people...

...to be Miss Super-Duper

Crime-Fighting Goody-Two-Shoes.

I've never been perfect at anything.

Look...

...I didn't even wanna be a criminal.

I wanted to be a pirate.

Pirates are criminals.

Whoops.

I wanted to go to art school.

-Art school?

-In Barcelona.

-You should go, you should do it.

-Maybe.

After I make the world safe

from people like you.

I don't know what the test saw in me.

Everybody thinks I am gonna

make this perfect spy but me.

I guess I'm proving them

all wrong now.

Is that what you're doing with me?

Sabotaging your spy career?

I'm here because I feel more

like me when I'm with you...

...than I do when I'm with me.

Look, let's just...

...forget we're here, okay?

Let's pretend we're in Barcelona,

you're in art school...

...and I'm renting sailboats

to tourists.

And nobody is a superhero,

nobody is a villain, we're just us.

Max here.

This better be really good.

-You are the D.E.B.S. ?

-Who is this?

I know where your friend is.

We've got a lead on Amy. Let's go.

Oh, no, no, no....

Get your ass over here.

We got a lead on Amy.

And no boys upstairs

after curfew.

Out.

Pick up, pick up, pick up....

-My God. I'm so sorry.

-Did you just snap my bra?

-No.

-Yeah, you did.

-That hasn't happened since 6th grade.

-I was trying to be smooth.

-What? You did it first.

-You're dead.

And bingo!

I am the god of Bingo.

Breach.

Bingo. Bingo. Bingo.

Bingo!

Damn it!

-Say mercy. Come on. Say mercy.

-No. No. No.

-Do you give? Do you gi--?

-No.

Do you love me?

Yes.

Come on.

What the hell?

I couldn't stop them.

-You look nice.

-Thanks.

What?

-What are you doing?

-Nothing.

Let's go.

Sorry.

Oh, God.

It is not what you think.

I hope it was worth it.

You really should

check your messages.

Look, it'll be okay.

No, it won't.

This is a nightmare.

This is--

This is not happening.

Are you kidding me?

We conduct a nationwide

manhunt for you...

...and you're boning the suspect?

What did you think this was,

a joke?

"Let's divert federal resources

and man-hours...

...so I can have my collegiate

lesbian fling in style."

I was doing research.

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