D.E.B.S. Page #3

I guess my central hypothesis...

...is that as a woman operating

in a male-dominated field...

...you felt the need

to overcompensate...

...by being exponentially

more ruthless and diabolical...

...than your established

male counterparts.

I am not more ruthless.

I think an argument could be made

that you are, i.e. we're here.

That's interesting.

Continue.

And I think that these

psychological forces combine...

...to create a kind of emotional void...

...in which you're incapable

of loving or being loved.

-See, that is so not true.

-What?

-I'm open to love. I am!

-I'm sorry. It's just a theory.

Well, what the hell do you know

about it anyway?

Nothing.

I just broke up with my boyfriend,

like, five hours ago.

I'm sorry, that sucks.

Thanks.

Why did you break up with him?

I don't know, it just, it wasn't....

I think love should be irresistible,

like a drug.

I think when it happens you should

just not be able to help yourself.

I just-- I wanted...

...more.

-Babbling.

-No.

You're not at all.

This is so weird. I....

-Why aren't you killing me?

-Not into that.

But you killed those agents

in Antarctica.

They died of frostbite or something.

I never even met them.

-And those ATF guys in Peru?

-Ebola.

You're so not what I expected.

Well, I think that's a good thing.

-So, what's up with Ninotchka?

-Oh, God, she was such a headcase.

-Where do you meet someone like that?

-Jesus Christ!

Yes!

Correct me if I'm wrong...

...but your friend appears

to be hitting on my friend.

-You're not wrong.

-Yeah, but my friend's not into that.

So Bobby's just, like, all over me,

and I just--

I just feel like he doesn't get me,

you know?

Do you ever feel like

nobody understands you?

Yes, all the time.

I am really glad I met you.

I'm really glad I met you too.

I should go.

Okay.

Am I gonna see you again?

Do you wanna see me again?

I mean, I'm breaking,

like, eight federal statutes...

-...being here with you right now.

-Yes, I know.

I could get kicked out

of the D.E.B.S. for this.

For what?

Oh, my God!

She almost kissed you.

You almost let her!

You owe me 50 bucks.

-Amy.

-Take me home.

-It's okay.

-Take me home.

-Amy.

-What?

-Well, when can I see you again?

-You can't.

-Come on.

-I'm serious. We cannot do this again.

Amy.

I have to go.

I'm gonna come find you.

-What just happened?

-Nothing happened.

She was totally going to kiss you.

You're so into her.

I am not!

You violated a prime directive.

Plus, hello, it's a girl.

-You're so busted.

-No, I'm not.

You violated the section codes

as much as me.

D.E.B.S. Code Section 1, Article 2:

"D.E.B.S. will not consort with a known

enemy, under penalty of treason."

I was not consorting.

-You exchanged e-mails with Scud.

-That's not the same.

You got drunk and nearly got

the chancellor of Bulgaria killed.

-That wasn't my fault.

-Remember how I covered for you?

I never told anybody.

If Max found about that...

...you would never ever get

your stripes and never graduate.

-I can't believe you.

-Not a word. Nothing happened.

Where have you been?

I couldn't sleep, so I took a walk.

I was really upset...

...about Bobby.

Yeah, Bobby.

Oh, yeah. I forgot, I'm sorry.

-Are you okay?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

Good.

You know, I can't stop thinking

about Lucy Diamond.

-You too?

-Yeah, I feel like she's playing...

...some type of sick game

of cat and mouse with us.

I don't know.

Hey, but you guys

be careful, okay?

Good night.

Yeah. Be careful.

Oh, my God, is it true?

Did you fight Lucy Diamond?

I heard you cut off her hand.

Does she have her hand?

Yes, she still has both of her hands.

God.

-Everybody's talking about it.

-About what?

How you met Lucy

and lived to tell about it.

They're calling you a hero,

when, really, you're a slut.

-You shut up.

-A gay slut.

-I'm not gay!

-Ms. Petrie wants to see you.

What? Janet!

-What's going on?

-Madam Petrie.

-She's coming down.

-Here? Why?

She never comes here.

-Ms. Petrie, I would just like to say--

-Who are you?

-Max Brewer.

-Max Brewer, my time is precious.

-You're wasting it. Where's the girl?

-Bradshaw comma Amy?

You.

Excellent. Well, take one over here.

Right there.

Excellent. Sit.

Chill.

First....

-Amy.

-Amy.

Let me just say how delighted

I am to meet you.

When I heard that one

of our own girls...

...had actually engaged Lucy Diamond

and lived to tell the tale....

I mean, Fred, over at

Central Intelligence...

...nearly peed his pants,

he was so jealous.

This stunt is really going to

put the academy on the map.

Lisa from Interpol called

to extend her congratulations.

I'll bet.

This is just too much fun!

Now, Alice--

-Amy.

-Amy.

We are going to need a description

of the encounter.

-The encounter?

-Everything that happened...

...no matter how small

or seemingly irrelevant.

-Why?

-To develop a profile, of course.

Nobody's ever been this close

to Lucy Diamond before.

You, for all intents and purposes,

are our leading expert.

I don't think I'm an expert at all.

You underestimate yourself.

I took the liberty of accessing

your private files.

-What?

-"It's a Man's World:

Lucy Diamond and the Psychology

of Cultural Criminality."

-Oh, God.

-"Lucy Diamond...

...is at once a narcissistic sociopath

and a victimized girl-child...

...eternally searching for

the love of her father.

Her crimes could be viewed

as a desperate cry for help.

The more she steals,

the deeper her feeling of emptiness."

-Annie--

-Amy.

I think you identify

with Lucy Diamond.

I think she sees your pathos.

You've got some dangerous

union symbiosis going on.

What's that movie with Jodie and the

dog falls in the well with the lotion?

-Silence of the Lambs.

-You're the lamb, Amy.

We can use that to our advantage.

I'm putting you in charge

of this investigation.

What?

You are hereby promoted

to squad captain.

No.

Is there a problem?

Excuse me, ma'am, but I am

the captain of this squad.

-Miss...?

-Brewer.

Brewer. There is a killer on the loose.

There is no time for egos.

This is not the Girl Scouts,

this is espionage!

We have a chance

to do something here.

You have a chance

to do something.

Don't let us down.

Ready your troops.

You head out at 1400.

That's all.

Max!

-Max. Max.

-What?

I didn't mean for this to happen,

I swear. I don't even wanna be captain.

That's just it.

You don't even want it.

Boys fall at your feet, the school

kisses your ass...

...and Mrs. Petrie makes you

squad captain.

You'd be just as happy drawing

in your stupid little book.

I don't understand why you have

to take away...

...the only thing I have going for me.

-Oh, Max--

-Just--

Whatever.

It's fine.

-Just promise me one thing.

-What?

You catch the b*tch.

Lucy Diamond's on the move!

Robbery in progress! Code 99!

The bank employees

are being held hostage.

Lucy and her cohorts

are still inside.

Apprehend the suspect,

recover the money.

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