Daddy and Them Page #4

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I mean, my God,

look how many of them there are.

Attempted murder?

Well, I thought

it was armed robbery.

That's what y'all said.

I sugarcoated it.

Because of the nature

of my work as a psychologist...

I thought it would be

a great, um...

marital aid, so to speak, for Hazel

to learn more about what I do.

Marital aid?

- What?

- Marital aid.

Oh. Marital...

Okay. Sure.

What does that have to do with?

Are y'all makin' fun of marriage?

Well, hell, no, honey.

We're not makin' fun

of marriage.

We're talkin' about

a marital aid.

- It's just a little old plug

with a string on it.

That's all right.

Um...

Yes, i was indeed very helpful in

undersanding wha we each deal wih every day.

And Hazel...

Do you know he really started

to feel some real self-worth?

He was helping people, you know,

and not just "selling wood," as he put it.

Claude, you sold

a lile wood, hadn' you?

In my time.

Well, then this fellow

Tommy Christian started calling.

Acually, you gave i away,

didn' you?

Goddamn you, Claude.

Can't you give me one night...

where you don't drive me crazy

and break my heart?

Well, don't give me sh*t about it.

Talk to your sister there.

Tommy was very disurbed.

And he started talking to Hazel

incessantly about thoughts of suicide.

Hazel practically

became his therapist.

A Russian

that wrote Lolia.

He took that word

and split it in two...

to where it came out

"the rapist. "

Bu wha happened is,

Hazel made he misake...

of meeing Tommy in person.

Tommy became obsessed with Hazel, started

calling him in the middle of the night.

All the time. At home, at work,

always threatening suicide.

Hazel couldn't stand

the son of a b*tch.

He was about to drive him crazy, so he went

over there and tried to kill him with a doorstop.

Yes, well,

that's the short version.

- Around here that's better.

- Hazel maintains his innocence...

and I believe him.

I could go ino why,

bu, um, perhaps anoher ime.

We could all use some rest,

I'm sure.

Could I ask you a question?

Like, a businesslike question about

your psychology business you got?

Certainly, Claude, yes.

Now, are you the one that can

give out dope, or the one that can't?

So which one of you

used it on who?

- What?

- The plug deal!

Mama, please quit playin'

that monkey.

Claude Montgomery,

political science.

Linebacker.

Listen, I don't know.

I could explain it to you better, maybe.

Listen, y'all stay off

them cars tonight.

I wanna get me some sleep.

Well, I don't think you gotta

worry about it, Daddy.

I mean, Ruby's

mad as hell at me tonight.

What's that got

to do with anything?

Well, I-I-I tell you

the truth...

I'm just...

I'm just wore plumb out.

Rose looks like

she's mended up a little.

She ain't finally carryin' me

a little grandbaby, is she?

Daddy, I wouldn't have a clue

what Rose is carryin'.

Well, good night.

Y'all say a little prayer for Hazel.

- Yeah, we will.

- I had an awful dream about him...

gettin' cornholed

down at the jailhouse...

by a gang of white guys.

Hey, sweetheart.

How ya doin'?

Yeah, that's right.

I don't know.

Whatever you wanna do.

See there?

What do you say, puddin'?

What you doin', playin'?

You better start talkin'.

I want it all.

Don' you le anoher minue go by

wihou elling me...

every little nasty-ass

bit of it.

It's my right to know

what I'm dealin' with here.

'Cause if you used that contraption

on her, whatever it is...

tuggin' in and out of my sister or you tuggin'

in and out of her, I have the right to know.

You mean her tuggin'

in and out of me.

You said me tuggin' it out of her, and then you

started to say me tuggin' it out of her again.

You know what I mean,

you son of a b*tch. Just start talkin'!

I wanna know where I stand,

fantasizin' and all.

'Cause if you like that sh*t... doodads,

little diddle sticks and stuff...

I swear to God I'll go to the hardware

store tomorrow mornin'...

and buy a carload of sh*t to run in and out

of us that will cripple us both for life!

Honey, I'm always

straight with you.

I mean, you know, maybe it hurts,

but I don't bullshit ya.

I'll tell you everything.

I'll tell you every little detail...

about everything

you wanna know.

- You know that.

- Every little detail. I bet you'd like that.

You like talkin' about it

and killin' me.

What are you talkin' about?

You told me to tell you.

I thought you wanted to know everything.

What about you?

- God knows wha you've done. You probablyjus lie abou i.

- Oh, here we go.

Am I the best? God knows.

Who the hell would know?

- You've probably been ou wih guys before hajus...

- Oh!

Don't even say it to me.

Don't tell me.

You talk about killin' somebody.

Oh, you could kill me, and you know it.

- I've told you a million times you are the best.

- But you're lyin' about it.

It always turns into your sh*t!

I'm the one we're talkin' about now!

My feelin's are hurt!

Can we talk about me now?

It's not you! Now, what the hell happened

with that thing? What exactly is it?

It's just a toy.

It's just a little old bitty toy.

And it was a million years ago, honey, back

when me and Rose here was two consentin' adults.

You keep your voice down! You want her

to hear us? Add that to injury.

Listen, sweetheart, a...

a man's got a past.

I wish it wasn't that way but, you know,

that's the way the world goes around.

Yeah. Well,

a woman's got a past too...

and you keep bent out of shape

about it all the time.

- I do not!

- Oh, my God.

Ruby, do you remember

that time...

- that you run off with that Efford boy?

- Oh, God.

And y'all didn't show back up for three

days, and it turned out y'all was in jail...

for, um, sealin'

a whole bunch of Pe milk...

and, wha, frozen pizzas?

- Popovers, Mama.

- Yes, ha's righ.

It was popovers.

Why'd you wait so long

to call me?

I had the most

awful nightmare about that...

that you and this boy was takin' poison

instead of stayin' in jail...

like Romeo and Juliet

and them done.

I's okay, Mama.

You was

in jail for three days with a guy.

- Jus go back o sleep.

- You never told me that.

You was in jail for three days

with a guy. You never told me that.

Yeah, three days.

I'm gonna go outside and pray

for Uncle Hazel right now.

He needs our prayers.

He's laid up in that jailhouse probably

gettin' cornholed as we speak.

Now, there's you

some tuggin' in and out.

You see that?

Now, look at you.

I always did say

one thing you can do is shoot.

Now just do the same thing

and get me a grandson.

Little girl, aren't you

proud of your husband?

Which one of us

are you talkin' about?

- See that, Jewel?

- Good shootin', O.T.

Yeah, there may be snow on the roof,

but there's still fire in the fireplace.

Or whaever ha deal is ha hey say.

I'm sure there is.

Claude, can I shoot your gun?

In a minute.

I'm usin' it now.

"Claude, can I shoot your gun"?

- What's wrong with you, Miss Priss?

- Ooh!

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