Daddy and Them Page #6

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- Suppose it's true?

- That boy back there...

got his legs shot out from under him

by his crazy wife.

Y'all gonna be takin' us

to the airport after a while.

- Okay, Ruby?

- That'd make you happy.

They can stay the rest

of the year if they want to.

- You'd like that, wouldn't you?

- My God!

Ruby, there's the bags.

Goodness gracious, girl!

You got a rear end

just like your mama.

Oh. See there?

That's it. That's it. I'm either gonna

kill myself or get dumped by you...

for some tight-ass

insurance woman or somethin'.

- Real estate woman. Let's go!

- I didn't say it.

Here, honey, I'm gonna

put it back here.

- You sure do make good ham hock.

- Come see us someime.

Nashville

ain't that far away.

You know, I miss seeing

your sorry ass.

Well, I miss you oo.

Well, you ake care

ofher, okay? I really love her...

even though we got

our problems and stuff.

- I love her too.

- And I'm sorry if I was the cause of any of your problems.

- Well, no, that's just family, you know.

- Yeah.

- It'll all work out. We'll come see y'all.

- Yeah. Okay.

- Okay. You look real good, Claude.

- Thanks.

Oh, my God! I give up,

you sorry bastard! You sorry bastard!

Why don't you just throw her down

on the couch in front of everybody!

Goddamn you! Get it over with,

why don't you, Claude!

Go on in the house

and beat off!

- Hon, that's nasty talk.

- Ruby, come on, honey.

You know ha boy

Gerald Plummer?

He's workin' down

at the airport now on airplanes.

- Cheer up. We might see him.

- Great. That's just great.

Yeah, tell her that, why don't you.

That's all we need here.

Honey, why don't you go see Gerald Plummer

at the airport and watch him fix airplanes.

- Would you like to do that?

- I never touched him. I never touched him!

- Well, he must've had leprosy!

- God.! I give up.!

- I wasn' doin'nohin'

- Don't you start with me!

Rose, you stay out of it!

You stay out of it, Rose!

Go away!

If you didn't start this sh*t,

it wouldn't happen anyway.

- Get in the f***in' car.

- You watch to see if I don't go to a nightclub!

Oh, good! Maybe you can meet

somebody pretty!

You get in that car... Get in and shut

your mouth! Get in that damn car now!

How come y'all

be cryin' like that, Mama?

Sometimes, it just gets

cluttered up in my head, hon...

and I...

and it causes me to cry.

And...

I don't know how come

her to be cryin' though.

Can I see that book?

Can I see that book?

That's a psychology book.

You mind if I read it?

Of course not.

My God,J.C.

You look like a cat burglar.

I heard the whole thing, bud.

Let's go to a nightclub.

I'm no sure wha i is. I'm no

sure wha i is I'm supposed o do.

I wish you could help me.

Oh, my God.

What a horrible night for somebody.

God bless 'em.

Sir, you've been in a wreck.

You need o be real sill, okay?

- All right.

- All right. Don't look around. You know where you're at?

- You know what happened?

- I don't know exactly where I'm at.

All right. We're gonna get you

to the hospital. Be still. Don't move.

- Say righ here.

- Nancy, no.

Well, you may have

inernal injuries we don' know abou.

Wih he bleeding on your head, you could've

hi he seering wheel or he windshield.

Don't move around. Do you know

how much you had to drink tonight?

- Well, I had a 30-pack. You'd have to tell

how many's left over there. - All right.

- Hold up.

- Oh, my God, it's...

What are you doing?

Do you know who the president is?

- Huh?

- Yeah. Bill.

Okay. You know

where you're at?

Now, come on.

Hey, sugar britches, you just

gettin' back from the airport?

Oh, baby. Oh, my baby.

Oh, my baby. You mean,

you're not hurt too bad or dead?

You should've seen it. We whacked

the sh*t out of that Dually over there.

- Big old cowboy's eyes

got as big as a pie plate.

I seen him just before we hit him.

Man, oh, man.

- You mean, you're okay?

- They were all drunk.

There doesn't seem to be anything at all

wrong with him except a bruise or two.

- Oh, God.

- See there? We was drunk.

Thank God

y'all was drunk.

- Thank God.

- Oh, baby. I've go so much apologizin'o do o God.

Oh, baby.

Honey. Honey, please.

Please, let's never go nowhere

that we're apart, okay?

- Okay? Okay.

- Okay, honey.

If we can.

What's wrong, baby? I'm fine.

I just got knocked around a little bit.

That's all right.

Honey, wh... Wait a minute.

Where's J.C.?

He's over there in the truck.

He's stuck in there.

- They're trying to prize him out.

- Is anything wrong with him?

- Well, yeah. He can't get out.

- But physical?

He's fine.

He was he drunkes one of'em.

Anyhow, we're gonna take him

to the hospital for observation.

We're gonna do chest X rays.

We're gonna check for internal injuries.

And if you wanna follow us,

you can.

-

- Well, who... that?

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

This is Tamara.

Tamara, this is my wife, Ruby. Ever

since we got here, she's been so nice.

She just practically saved my life,

even though there wasn't anything wrong.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

- Tamara is your name?

- Mm-hmm.

You think it would be all right if I talk to

my husband for a minute before you took him?

I know you have to take him.

Just for one moment? Private?

- One minute.

- Okay.

I'll see you

in a minute, Tammy.

She's so nice.

Did you have your shirt and

your britches undone and open...

or was it Tammy

who did that for you, honey?

She done it, honey.

She had to check me.

You heard what she said...

internal injuries possible.

I bet you liked that. Pretty-lookin'

checker you picked out for yourself.

- Ineresing you picked her, isn' i?

- Sh*t, I didn't pick her out.

- She just come over here. She's the ambulance driver.

- You didn't pick her out?

- One woman and a bunch of men, and you didn't pick her? Okay.

- I didn' pick her ou.

I can't even have a head-on collision in

peace. I could've been tore to pieces here.

- Have fun at your nightclub?

- Sh*t. We didn't get to the nightclub.

We ain't but a mile from the house.

We was headed that way...

and J.C. Bent over to pick up his Molly

Hatchet tape, and we been here ever since.

- Is that right? Uh-huh.

- Well, yeah, it's right.

Well, then,

let me ask you something...

if you're so smart,

Mr. Nightclub, okay?

'Cause you're busted. How come the truck

is pointed towards the house, huh?

You ever hear of a little thing

called female intuition?

Well, yeah. It was pointed in the other

direction till we hit that line dancer there.

- Did you ever hear of centrifugal force?

- Sorry your night got spoiled...

but it's so great,

'cause you're fine now, baby.

Everything's okay. So as soon as they

prize Hugh Hefner out of the truck...

you can go back to your little nightclub

you missed in the first place.

- Hey, Ruby.

- Hey,J.C.

- They're tryin' to prize me out.

- Huh?

They're tryin'

to prize me out.

I hadn't wanted

to get into this.

I wanted to keep my opinions

out of the way of the family.

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