Daddy Day Camp Page #5

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Don't know why you got your panties

in a wad tonight, Mayhoffer.

We're all getting butt spackled

tomorrow anyways.

What are you talking about?

You don't seriously think we can beat

those rich Canola kids?

Yeah, they're gonna cream us.

Cream? Cream is for coffee.

Okay. Listen up, troops.

It's come to my attention some of you

don't believe we can win tomorrow.

Okay.

Maybe they have fancy equipment.

Gold-plated toilet paper.

But we got something

those snotty-nosed...

...silver-spoon brats will never have.

- Do you want to know what that is?

- Lice?

Driftwood spirit.

I didn't think you guys had it...

...but the way you pulled yourselves

together today...

...made me prouder

than any platoon I've ever led.

- We couldn't have done it without you.

- Nonsense.

You couldn't have done it

without this.

Because it's Driftwood Camp spirit

that links us all together...

...and makes it all possible.

You're not just a bunch of kids

that came together in camp.

You're a team. Team.

- Team.

- Team.

- Team.

- Team.

Team, team, team!

And listen, team.

Tomorrow, you're gonna take

those lobster-eating...

Yeah!

...those Humvee-driving...

- Yeah!

...Canola cretins and you're gonna

throw them in the dumper.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Yeah!

You don't think you're setting them up

for a pretty big letdown?

Well, in order to win the battle...

...one must first believe

in the success of the mission.

It's been a long time

since you've been in battle.

A minor technicality.

Hey, have you guys seen Ben?

I can't find him.

- Ben?

- Ben?

- Ben!

- Ben?

- Ben!

- Are you in there?

- Ben.

- Come out.

Guys, I found him.

Ben.

Ben, get down from there.

What are you doing?

Get down. Where you been, man?

We been looking all over for you.

Listen, don't ever scare me

like that again, you hear me?

I'm okay. I just wanted to be

like Grandpa, that's all.

So you wandered off by yourself?

You know how dangerous that is?

Grandpa said

it's what made him tough...

...so I thought it'd do

the same for me.

What?

All right, guys, listen up.

Listen to me.

Let me tell you something

about being tough, okay?

Being tough doesn't necessarily

make you a hero.

Sometimes tough people grow up

to be arrogant, selfish and stubborn.

You guys just need to be yourselves.

And know that

by being yourselves...

...you're gonna be winners,

no matter what.

Even if we choke like you?

Especially if you choke like me.

Listen.

I want you guys to grow up

to be kind and caring...

...and accepting of people.

Even if they make mistakes.

So, Ben,

don't try to be so tough, okay?

Just try to be your best.

That's all that matters.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Okay.

Okay, my little Olympians,

time to rest up for the big day.

- Oh, come on.

- Come on.

Calling Buck, man,

what was I thinking?

It's the only way he knows, Charlie.

If that means him jeopardising

any more kids, he can keep it.

I don't want Ben to grow up

to be anything like my father.

Let's go.

Shoot.

What the heck is...? Oh, you nasty...

This is a mistake.

Wait for me.

Yes. It worked. I'm dry.

See? Told you, Billy.

You always fool

the bed-wetting goblins...

...if you sleep in your day clothes.

Go play with the kids.

Oh, my neck. I'm so cold.

Feel like a human pincushion.

- Relax, Charlie. Look around.

- Oh, thank you.

Would you look at that?

They're running around,

having a good time.

Oh, Buck's gonna go on and on

about how he was right...

...and I'm way too overprotective.

Buck's not gonna go on and on

about anything.

I haven't seen him all morning.

Sign up for camp, please?

Driftwood?

Hey, do you wanna sign up...? No?

Well, as you can tell, we've obviously

destroyed their camp...

...over the last couple years.

I'm thinking, once we kick

Driftwood's butt one more time...

...this is where

the new hardware goes.

What do you say?

It's gonna be great.

Hey, Chuck E. Cheese!

Getting a little nervous?

Let me give you the 411

on the day's events.

Okay.

The Olympiad starts.

Your team sucks. You lose.

The end.

Good luck, Lance.

I don't need luck.

Okay, I'll take it from here.

Forfeit! I forfeit!

- Have you seen Grandpa Buck?

- Col. Buck has been gone a long time.

Guys, I'm sure he'll be here.

Okay, so just reach to the left.

Stretch.

No news yet on Buck.

Margaret's driving all over town.

But I did find this in your office.

"Charlie, Uncle Sam called

about another job...

...which is just as well, seeing

as things aren't working out here.

Your tough Colonel Buck. "

- I'll keep looking.

- Okay.

Is that from Grandpa?

Yes. Yes, it is.

He's not coming back?

Well, no.

He's the one that showed us

how to do everything.

We're gonna get whupped.

I don't get whupped.

I do the whupping.

We're doomed. Doomed, I tell you.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Just because Buck got called away

to serve his country last night...

...doesn't mean we take everything

he taught us and just let it go to waste.

- He deserted us.

- Without so much as a "see you. "

No, no, no. He didn't.

It's here in the letter, listen.

"Dear Ben, Max, Juliette, Robert...

...Carl, Jack, Becca, Billy,

and Mullet:

Sorry to leave in the night

without even saying, 'See you'...

...but it's important

that you don't panic.

The 103rd Airborne is staging

manoeuvres tonight...

...and let's just say they could learn

something about teamwork from you. "

The 103rd was retired

after World War II.

Tell you what?

They're bringing it back.

- We can't do this without Buck.

- Yeah.

Sure we can. You know what?

He would've wanted it that way.

You know why?

Because we're a family.

We'll pull each other up,

because that's what families do.

If family's so important,

why'd Grandpa Buck leave?

Yeah.

- Going that well, huh?

- Best day of my life.

Well, Ben seems upset

about Buck leaving.

Yeah.

You know why grandkids

and grandparents get along so well?

They're united by a common enemy.

Makes sense.

I'm saying, if you and Buck could unite

around each other's strengths...

...Ben could have

the best of both worlds.

Go get them, coach. For all of us.

Good news.

Found this in Buck's cabin.

I'll watch after the kids.

You go make things right.

Thanks.

You missed your train.

I missed a train.

Haven't really decided

which one I'm getting on yet.

I thought you had

to be back for manoeuvres.

That's true, but next year.

That's about as often

as they let a broke-down retiree...

...come out and play

with the reservists.

"Retiree. "

About the only action

I get these days...

...is when college students

are doing...

...research papers

on military history.

So...

...you abandoned your post

this morning.

Good soldier knows

when he's in hostile territory.

You heard me last night, didn't you?

I guess I've had a few things

on my mind over the last...

...30 years or so.

I didn't even know you felt that way.

Strange, getting older.

Easier remembering things

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