Daddy Day Camp Page #4

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without permission slips...

...and bring them back like this?

Affirmative.

See, this is exactly the thing

I was afraid of.

We restored our honour, Dad.

It was just...

What kind of insane militant

nut factory you running here, huh?

Huh, Charlie Hinton?

Driftwood Class of '77.

- That's right, I know who you are.

- Listen, Lance.

I'm really sorry about this.

In fact...

...my father and I were just about

to have a discussion about it.

This is your father?

Oh, this is classic. Oh, sure.

The chicken's come home

to roost, huh?

Now I know why you don't want

to compete in the Olympiad.

You're afraid of getting

your butt kicked again...

...in front of Lieutenant Prune Juice.

Colonel.

Oh, Colonel. Sorry.

Look, Lance, I'm just trying to teach

these kids about sportsmanship.

No, the only thing you can teach

these kids is how to lose.

Or have you forgotten?

"Daddy. Look at me.

I'm a failure. "

You know why my parents bought

Camp Canola for me?

No, why?

Because that summer

when I kicked your butt...

...that was the best moment

of my life.

And now, every day when I wake up,

I get to live that dream.

And it is fantastic.

Peaked when you were 11,

did you, Lance?

See, I get it, Charlie.

You don't want your kid

to end up a loser like you.

Like father, like son.

Oh, sure. No, that's cool.

You walk away.

Yeah, because refusing to compete...

...just proves to the community...

...which camp they should send

their kids to.

Mine.

Adis.

What I'd really like to do

is kick your butt.

Being as we're trying to set

a good example here, mister...

...you got yourself an Olympiad.

Yeah!

Fantastic.

Yeah.

Good, good job.

The great Julius Caesar

once said...

You were way out of line

with what you did today.

If we do this, we do it my way.

You got it?

- Affirmative.

- Good.

Now. What do you think

we should do?

A sleepover?

I thought the whole purpose

of day camp...

...was sending the kids home

at the end of the day.

It was your idea to get

my father involved.

According to Buck,

the best way to build team unity...

...is to put the kids in a new situation

where they have to work together...

...to overcome stuff.

Well, I think someone wants

to impress his own father.

Listen, this Olympiad is gonna

be good for business.

Once those Canola parents see

how well our kids work together...

...we might drum up new customers.

If you think parents

are gonna switch camps...

...based off of wins

some silly events...

Mrs. Hinton?

I'm Edward Thumson from the bank.

Yes, I'm aware of who you are,

but what are you doing in my house?

Is that real Tiffany crystal?

It is standard procedure to do...

...a pre-inventory

prior to the foreclosure.

But the first instalment is not due

until next week.

True. But with only six campers...

...it is mathematically impossible for...

- Actually, there's seven campers.

- What's going on?

- Oh, I'll tell you what's going on.

We overextended ourselves

with the camp.

Now strange men are touching

the furniture...

...messing with my mama's vase...

...Mr. Thumson's threatening

to take my house away.

Okay, okay.

- I know what I gotta do.

- What?

- I'll sell the camp.

- Listen to me.

If you believe by winning

this Olympiad...

...more kids will come to the camp...

...then you go kick

some Lance Warner butt.

Come on. Come on, soldier.

Yes.

Ben! Hey!

Come on, son.

- I know the song.

- Well, what?

You don't like being

in the support vehicle with me...

...instead of out there with poison ivy,

rocks and whatnot? Bugs.

It's supposed to be a hike.

I look like a goober.

Okay. You're right.

Oh, look at her.

She even puts on bug spray

like an angel.

You're pathetic. Go walk with her.

Get your groove on, dude.

What makes you such an expert?

You're only 6.

I know I won't spend

my best years buried in video games.

Shut up. Don't make...

Here, buddy.

Stop it. Stop it.

Hey, Billy? What's going on?

Nothing.

No wet willies to dish out?

Maybe you could switch over

to the purple nurple.

No, I already gave one to Mayhoffer.

It's just... I don't like sleepovers.

That's all.

And why is that?

Come on, Billy, you can always trust

a fat guy. I won't tell anybody.

Cross my heart, hope to diet.

- I sometimes wet the bed.

- What?

I sometimes wet the bed.

You know what?

I had the same problem

till I was darn near 10.

Really? What did you do

at sleepovers?

An excellent question,

my young friend.

I think you'll be intrigued

by the answer.

Get that equipment up, Brown.

This is dumb.

Why we gotta walk so far?

Far? Halt.

Now you listen up, hippie-hair.

How are you gonna compete

against Camp Canola...

...tomorrow morning

with that kind of attitude?

We have 12 events staring at us

dead in the eye.

We have got to toughen up.

When I was your age, I used to march

six miles into the woods...

...just to spend the night alone

in a tree. Focus on a goal.

I used to put rocks in my backpack...

...just to get stronger.

That's how you grow up to be a man.

Ain't that right, Ben?

All right. Let's head out.

Forward, march.

Hey, Ben.

What are you doing there, son?

Nothing.

I'm so full.

I'm fuller than you.

No one's as full as me.

But now I've got room for dessert.

Who wants S'mores?

Anything I can help you with?

Can't find the chocolate

or the marshmallows.

What are you talking about?

They're in my bag.

Who wants chocolate?

What are we gonna roast?

Nice job, Hinton.

Your dad is such a schwing.

I gotta roast something

with a pit in it.

Shut up. I don't like it

any more than you do.

It's not my fault.

Dude, trust me.

A star-filled sky,

the warm glow of a fire...

She'll be like Silly Putty

in your hands.

What makes you such an expert?

Look, you know how grownups

are always saying...

...they wish they knew then

what they know now?

- Yeah.

- Well, I know.

How are we ever gonna beat Canola

with runts like you on our team?

Yeah. What you gonna do, tiny?

Bang your pan until they surrender?

I think I burned my banana.

- Hello.

- Hey.

How are you doing

this fine evening?

Pretty good. Never roasted

a pear before, but it smells good.

Yes, smells are good,

and you, too, smell, Juliette.

I mean, things smell...

I mean, good, you smell.

Sorry, it must have been

from the hike, because...

No, no, I mean...

It's a nice night.

Starry skies, a warm fire.

Good food.

Idiot.

Great place you got there.

What's the mortgage like?

What are you doing?

Sleeping in a hollowed-out log

or something?

It's called camping, private.

You should try it.

Yes, right.

Jack, I think that banana is about

as cooked as it's gonna get there.

It's so slimy.

No, it's roasting.

It's supposed to bring out the flavour.

Try it. You'll like it, I promise.

Good, right?

No!

I'm done with that.

That's nasty.

You feel better?

Sure you're gonna need that, son?

Good Lord's filling the sky

with a million nightlights.

Just for you.

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