Dadnapped Page #2

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but my name.

No, no, not "my name,"

but my name, Skunk.

Just sign it to Skunk.

"To Skunk, Neal Morris. " There you go.

- Floss.

- Floss!

Maurice.

Maurice, look! He signed it!

Would you stop jumping around

like a baby gorilla?

We are not here to get autographs.

Go. Go, go, go.

Get, get. Come on, let's go. Move.

Okay, okay.

Surrounded by oddballs,

each more desperate

and with less a hold on reality

than the next.

Whoa!

Big "whoa," little lady.

Pretty incredible rig, isn't it?

Made it myself, straight from the plot

of The Tripp of Time, just like Tripp.

And you did this because?

Because of the contest, newbie.

Whoever proves to be Zoome enough

wins the prize.

"Zoome enough"?

Oh, yeah.

Whoever can show

they know the most about Tripp Zoome

wins the ultimate fan prize, the chance

to become a character in my next book,

and the opportunity to read it

before it's published.

Which would be so

amazingly incredible.

Yes, it would.

I worship at your feet, Neal.

No need.

Another brush with danger!

The catchphrase.

- Floss!

Floss!

And on that note, good night.

Good night.

I see you.

Hey, Dad, what do you think about

Grisham Lodge for dinner tonight?

They have this restaurant

where you can sit behind a waterfall.

Wow, that's a cool location.

That could come in handy

for my next book.

Tripp battles piranha

behind a waterfall of toxic sludge.

What?

Honey, I'm a writer.

I'm always on the prowl

for new material. Tripp demands it.

You act like Tripp Zoome is real, Dad.

He is real, to me. He has to be.

Forget it.

Tell you what. Why don't you pack,

I go pick out a contest winner,

we jump in the car,

we're on the road by noon.

- You mean it?

- I mean it.

- Perfect.

- Okay.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, well...

Big daddy himself, the king,

Mr. Neal Morris, will determine

which of you crazy cats...

- No.

... is truly Zoome enough!

- Floss! Floss!

- Floss! Floss!

I just want you guys to know

that I'm not going anywhere.

I'm staying right here with you!

And time for our next super-fan,

Bobby-O from Cincinnati.

Come on up, buddy.

What's the matter?

Plans not working out?

You got something to say?

Say it to the wall.

That is so much better.

Ow!

Watch where you're going, nimrod.

Nimrod? Very mature.

Although it does score you

nine points in Word Wham!

Well, I always use

the triple Word Wham! tiles,

so you do the math, Einstein.

You're a Whammer?

Regional whiz. Two years in a row.

Very impressive.

Thanks. It's all about the vowels.

Yeah. Vowel power.

Well, I'd love to stay

and compare strategies with you,

but business calls.

Business?

Whatever.

Nice. You get her digits?

Well, I was going to, but it...

I cannot believe we're related.

Okay, whatever. I'll be in the van.

And by connecting the hairbrush

to the clock radio,

I'm able to recreate Tripp's

first official Tripp-Trap Scrambler.

Cool!

Molar to Canine.

Distractor is loaded and ready to go.

Copy that, Molar.

Phase 2 standing by.

Good work, Shel.

Transport standing by.

On my signal. And

go, go, go!

Roger that.

I found

oral care andlor dental equipment,

What is it?

- You smell something?

Said the fat man with the nose

of doom upon his grin.

That's good.

How's camping?

It's great! Fresh air, beautiful trees.

And traffic? He did it again, didn't he?

Yeah, he did.

Calm down, everyone.

I'm sure it's just a ventilation problem.

- Mr. Morris, sir?

Yeah.

A moment of your time.

I think I can explain.

Okay.

Where is that kid going with our guy?

Okay, excuse me, excuse me.

I need to get through here.

If you could just move it! Let's go.

I just don't know why you

thought this trip would be any different.

You never know, Deb.

Something might pop up

and change everything. Right?

Whatever you say, Mel.

Just call me when you get back, okay?

Tell your dad "floss" for me.

Sure, whatever.

So, you thought

this trip would be different, huh?

You are thick!

It already is different.

As soon as he's done in there.

You mean

as soon as he's done with me.

You know, for someone

who knows how to save the world,

you really are a jerk.

Any minute now, he walks out that door

and it's my vacation, not yours.

Dad?

The Tearjerker. And it works!

Yeah!

A 16-gallon dust bag, a juice extractor,

and an eight-horsepower wood chipper.

I've got to meet the fans

who put this baby together.

- I think that can be arranged.

- Yeah?

Mr. Zoome, I presume.

Sabotage.

Spin him, spin him, spin him!

Yeah!

Hey. They...

They're stealing my writer, Maurice!

Quit your crying, Skunk! We'll get him!

Okay.

We need some wheels.

Just like those.

Okay, calm down. It's gonna be okay.

Everything is under control.

Dad!

No, no, no.

No one goes in

until the fumes clear out.

- But my dad, he's inside.

No, he isn't.

And it's not fumes, it's onions.

Totally Zoome-tastic!

"If one chopped onion makes my mom

cry when she's making lasagna,

"think what 1,000 chopped onions

will do to a room full of SCUM agents.

"He smiled, his perfect teeth aglitter. "

Big deal. So some geek had

way too much time on his hands.

Where is my father?

All we know for sure is whoever did this

knows his way around a Tripp-Trap.

Hey. Where are the tapes to

that camera? I want to check them out.

Are you kidding me?

A bunch of kids took him?

Why couldn't he still be a dentist?

Central station,

your call is being recorded.

Hi. Yes, I'd like to report

a missing person.

No, he's not missing. He was taken.

Who are we actually

talking about, here?

My father. His name's Neal Morris.

He was taken by a bunch of kids,

like, total freak-out losers.

Okay, okay. Here, calm down, honey.

Are you talking about the same

Neal Morris down at the Merc Hotel?

That Zoome fan thing?

Yes, yes, exactly.

Okay. 'Cause, see,

I've been getting a lot of crazy calls

from that place today,

you know, like, spies and robots

and double agents.

And we got a lot of work down here

at the police station,

so you've got to stop bothering me.

Hello! I'm trying to report a crime, here!

Okay, look. Here's the procedure.

You wait 48 hours.

If he doesn't turn up then,

then you come down to the station,

you fill out a report.

Okay? That's the system.

Well, the system is stupid.

What?

Why are you looking at me like that?

I'm just surprised.

Surprised? At what?

You.

You get this big shot at being me,

you don't take it.

Are you kidding me?

First of all, I don't want to be you.

I would hate to be you.

In fact, I hate you.

Wow, kind of harsh. Don't you think?

Don't you have a super-villain to wrap

in dental floss or something?

Nope. I'm all yours.

And it looks like you're gonna be

needing me, too.

'Cause we both know

you are not Zoome enough

to get Neal back on your own.

Hey, this is the real world.

In the real world, 15-year-olds don't

save their fathers from freaky fan guys.

You know what? You're right, 100%.

I guess that's why

your father writes about me, not you.

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