Dadnapped Page #3

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He adjusts the disguise,

a colander of deception.

What? Every writer knows

it's the power of the words.

Do you even know

what a colander is, Skunk?

Do you? Because I don't.

But I can still tell you,

there is no such thing

as a colander of deception.

Okay, careful.

We gotta time this just right.

- Is this Zoome enough for you, Neal?

- What's going on here?

What is that smell?

The cords are soaked in mentho-rub.

The more you squirm,

the more you burn.

The Vapo Wrist Wrap,

Tripp's Last Trip. Page 89.

This is kind of amazing. And painful.

- Come on, kids, get me out of this.

- Kids? We ain't kids.

We're your worst nightmare.

Stuff him!

Dirty sweat sock. You wrote it, we do it.

Hey.

- Who's Melissa?

- That's my daughter.

Let me just tell her that I'm okay.

Come on, guys. In Tripp of No Return,

even evil Professor Nix got to do that.

Okay.

- Hello?

Dad?

Melissa, honey, you okay?

I can't believe you did this to me, Dad.

It's so typical.

What? I didn't do anything.

Everything's not always my fault,

you know.

- Floss, floss, floss!

- Floss, floss, floss!

Okay, here's the deal.

Your dad is fine, okay?

And as soon as he agrees

to our one demand, he's home free.

So why don't you run along and go play

with the other little kiddies at the hotel?

And with whom am I speaking, please?

Why's that matter?

So I can use your name

in a complete sentence, nimrod.

Nimrod. Real mature.

Wait a minute. I know that voice.

Word Wham! guy! It's you!

You're Neal's daughter?

I guess vocabulary gene

skips a generation, huh?

Excuse me. May I say something?

- No!

- No!

Look, I don't know what twisted dream

you think you're fulfilling,

but you're totally ruining my vacation.

And that's not okay!

Feisty.

I like it.

Okay. Just tell me where you are,

and I'll come get my dad.

Tell you?

Hmm.

I don't think so.

Pine mist or lilac spray?

Floss.

"Pine scent or lilac"?

So, what's the plan?

Mr. Kilbo, does this town

have a car wash?

Yes. Why?

No, no, no, bro. There.

No, no, no, there.

No, no, no, there.

Hold on.

Right there. You see? Yeah.

The girl!

You know, you gotta admire

her enthusiasm.

You just had to get the hot wax,

didn't you?

It coats and protects.

All right. Drive around back.

We'll pull a toss-and-wash.

Right.

This is the place? You're sure?

Yeah. This the only car wash for miles.

Hey, you mind

if I make a quick call, kiddo?

Want to make sure the Merc hasn't

been taken over by evil aliens.

Yeah, those Zoome kids

are pretty weird.

Yeah, go ahead.

I'm gonna take a look around.

Yeah, it's me. I'm at the car wash.

The car... Don't ask.

What am I doing?

My car!

Hit the brake!

Which one's the brake?

It's in the middle!

Found the brake.

Great.

"Word Wham! Made Easy. "

It's due today.

Give, give, give, give them to me.

What's the girl got to do with all this?

What's it matter?

As long as she takes us to her father.

What?

Your nose is smaller in the picture.

Way smaller.

Well, thank you, sort of.

You know, that book is due today.

So?

So, you have to pay a fine

every day it's late.

- Are you serious?

Yeah.

- Yeah, right.

Of course.

What, are all these books overdue?

Yeah!

Move! You've got to keep up!

We're losing them!

I am driving as fast as I can!

Said his brother, with an off-key head.

That makes no sense!

All right, guys, listen.

This has been great,

and you're as Zoome as they come.

But there are other fans waiting for me.

It's not really fair to them, is it?

All right, Neal.

Okay, we'll make you a deal.

If you show us

the Book Splat Tripp-Trap,

- then we'll let you go.

- Yeah.

Setting a Splat Trapp is

as delicate as wisdom-tooth surgery.

You sure you don't want me

to come in with you?

No, I can handle this part.

We'll be right out, okay?

Cool.

So how does it feel? Exhilarating, huh?

I think the word is "traumatizing. "

Poor little baby.

Tell you what, why don't you go soak

in a bubble bath,

let me handle the dirty work?

- Dream on.

- Hey.

Just get him, grab him and go.

Thanks.

All right, it's go time.

Hold on, little brother.

Let's do this right.

All right, very gently,

no sudden movements.

There you go. Nice. This will do it.

Get him, grab him and go.

You set it on any shelf,

holding it tightly,

and the next unsuspecting librarian

gets a Tripp-tastic surprise.

This is just perfect.

Melissa, you found me.

Found you? I thought I was saving you.

But apparently, you and the nerd patrol

are doing just fine.

- Yeah, we are having a blast.

Yeah.

I got to tell you, these kids are great.

And total, 100% fans.

- Yeah!

- Yeah, yeah, we are!

This is Sheldon.

He gets

that same gum irritation that you do.

And this spitfire's Andre.

And his big brother, Wheeze.

I think you guys have met.

- Wheeze?

- Wheeze.

Okay. Listen, I think we got off

on the wrong foot, here.

You think?

Okay, I know you're new

to the whole Zoome world,

but can you maybe just lighten up?

Your dad's just trying

to have some fun with us.

Really? Well, Wheeze, the thing is,

he's supposed to be

having fun with me!

- You smell nice.

- I do? Thanks, it's my gloss.

- What is that, cherry?

- No, watermelon.

Cherry makes my lips swell.

Understandable.

Dad, we're leaving, now!

I have to get this stuff off my face!

Sorry, guys, got to go.

See you.

- Call me.

Floss.

Later.

Honey, I'm sorry. Look, they took me.

It was just a game.

A game?

It's kind of funny, actually,

if you think about it.

All right, maybe "funny"

is the wrong word.

You just don't get it.

- Well, then... Then tell me.

- Dad,

I've been thinking about this vacation

ever since school started.

I packed my suitcase weeks ago,

and then unpacked it

and repacked it, like, five times,

'cause I wanted everything

to be perfect.

Just me and my dad, finally spending

some quality time together.

Well, that's what I wanted, too,

and I still do want that.

Yeah, well, that's all great

until you-know-who comes along

and ruins everything.

"You-know-who"?

Tripp?

Honey, he's a fictional character.

No, Dad.

Peter Pan is a fictional character.

Tripp Zoome is a pain in my butt.

Freeze! Police! Freeze!

Excuse us, Officers,

we're having a little moment, here.

Right. Moment's over, writer guy.

All right, Officer Skunk, grab him.

Officer Skunk?

I love your books.

Wait a minute. I know you guys.

From the... From the hotel.

- You're not real cops.

- Okay.

You see the badge?

You see it? What's it say?

- I don't know, I don't have my glasses.

- And what's this?

- A stapler.

- A stapler, yeah.

Okay, cuff him.

- Oh, no, you don't.

Melissa!

- No, no, no, no, not you!

- What are you... Melissa!

What? I just got you back.

I'm not losing you again.

That was supposed to be my wrist!

- Well, you snooze, you lose.

- What are you...

Okay, all right, cell phones.

Is this it? Come on, let's go. Let's go.

Guys...

Come on.

...one abduction a day, that's my limit.

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