Dadnapped Page #5

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It takes the reader out of the story.

It's way too "bang-bang, tough guy. "

Yeah. You know what? She's right.

No one really talks like this.

And the plot is...

- There is no plot.

- There is no plot, really.

You just kind of have to

work through this thing.

What did I tell you, Skunk?

This is the start

of a whole new life for you.

Now, we can get down to business.

All right. You two, start fixing!

What, write the book here? Like this?

Yeah, yeah. Just like this.

You got a problem with that?

No problem.

Look forward to the challenge.

My main man, Tripp, gonna give them

all the slip with the dental floss

Gonna show them who's boss

What?

I said, my main man!

My main man, Zoome

Yeah, he makes the ladies swoon

Okay, the first thing I suggest is,

reestablish your open.

I mean, you know, your first sentence

really needs to grab the reader,

and yours just...

- Doesn't.

- Doesn't.

Stupid road!

Great! We're being followed.

It's those brats in the van!

Really?

All right, let's see what they got!

Guys, are we speeding up

or are they slowing down?

Scary-looking, freaky dude!

Oh, God! What are you doing?

Dad!

You gotta stop!

It's the attack of the killer pants!

Now we're talking!

If there's one scratch on my ride,

it's gonna get ugly.

Wheeze!

We got them!

Great. We're stuck.

So, what did you think, Neal?

Was I Zoome enough?

Hey, those are just kids!

You guys are way out of line, here!

- Dad.

- Yeah, Dad. Shut your mouth

before you say something

you wish you hadn't.

Now what?

We're almost out of gas?

All right, next time, we grab a hybrid!

Hey, when you find a station,

I have to go to the bathroom.

Not my problem.

Hey, guys, come on. Be reasonable.

Hey, it's okay, Moe. I'll go with her.

What?

I mean, I'll stand by the door.

What are you doing?

- What? I'm cold.

- Fine.

Hey! Easy on the elbow.

I might want to play tennis someday.

You don't like me very much, do you?

Like you? Think like a writer, Skunk.

You're the bad guy.

Well, maybe I'm the confused,

likable bad guy.

Did you ever think about that?

Hurry it up in there.

You wish!

Maybe next time, you'll think twice

about serving 10-year-old hot dogs.

And can you back away from the door?

I can't, you know...

Right. Sorry.

I'd kill for a comb.

I don't know,

I think you're holding up pretty good.

What is with you?

Showing up, ruining my life?

I didn't sign up for this.

You don't get it, do you?

Get what?

I'm in your head

because you keep me there.

Come on.

- Do you ever think of that?

- That's ridiculous.

You think you know everything,

and always have to shove it in my face

like I'm some child who can't figure out

anything for herself.

Which is crazy, 'cause if you're in

my head, then I am thinking like you.

No, we had to leave.

It was out of our hands.

Yeah, no, I know that! Okay.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I swiped you some beef jerky. Eat up!

Sorry, I just...

Forget it.

Let's just get this show on the road.

I'm hot now.

Come on.

Where are we going?

The only way we can go.

This stuff is disgusting.

Maybe. But it's dinner.

So if I were you, I'd shut up and chew.

And make his book better.

Guys, this is nuts.

My dad needs a real place to write,

one that doesn't have potholes.

Why don't you just take us back

to the hotel?

At least they have a computer there.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm fine.

These conditions are great. Just...

Guess what?

The kid genius is actually right.

This is not working out.

We're going back to the hotel.

They've been here.

The bathroom!

It's a page from

Zoome Time Boom Time.

She circled the word "presidential. "

Well, how do you know it's from her?

Watermelon-flavored lip gloss.

Okay, everyone think.

What's this mean?

Presidential, presidents,

pickles, dill pickles.

They took her to a pickle farm!

No.

Presidential suite.

They're staying

in the presidential suite.

I heard them when they checked in!

Come on!

Yeah, well, guess it could be that.

- All right, everybody out. Let's go.

Okay.

Never thought I'd be glad

to see this place again.

Yeah, me, neither.

No one here cares what you think,

Daddy-O, just what you write.

Freeze-Dried Dreams?

More like Warmed-Over Nightmares.

Wait a minute.

You're working with them?

Well, don't get crazy!

They work for me.

But before, you helped me.

You were so good at finding your pop.

- Hey, don't you touch...

Hey.

You helped me tell them

right where to go.

Now, take them upstairs to my pad.

- Our room would be better.

- And get that book finished!

I have to go back to work.

Let's go.

Hey!

Easy, there.

Retro-creepy.

Okay, come on, move it.

There you go.

All right.

You are going to be very safe here.

And it should give you enough time

to finish the book.

I just don't get it.

Why is Merv making you do this?

He's not making us. He's helping us.

He's gonna get my book published,

like Neal.

Usually, I just deliver the pizza,

you know.

Never delivered customers before.

- Hey, first time for everything.

Yeah.

By the way, the pizza is slamming!

Best crust in town.

- So, who wants some tunes, huh?

- Yeah!

Yeah!

Thanks.

The Merv?

Looks like little Merv's got big ideas.

So do you.

Nice edit on this character stuff.

Thanks.

- I didn't know you drank coffee.

- Well, it's mostly milk. Mom's orders.

Okay, okay, how's this?

"The drive-in snack bar

was a sloppy room,

"filled with all sorts

of junky stuff and stuff. "

Not bad, not bad.

But remember what I told you before.

When you first describe a location...

Try and help the reader know more

than what it looks like.

Imagine what it feels like,

even smells like.

Okay, okay.

"The sparkling palace

smelled of gross, dirty socks,

"And a short bald man

in need of a bath. "

I heard that.

All right! Now, that's believable detail.

Right, Dad?

That's really good, Skunk, really.

You're pretty amazing. You know that?

Thanks. So are you.

Incoming!

Come on!

This is The Merc. How may I help you?

You just sign it to "Carl Janhansen,

friend, artist, pizza man. "

You got it, my friend.

Thanks again for the lift.

- Yeah.

- And thank you for the coupons!

Man, I can't wait

for Two-For-One Tuesday!

No. That's not an elephant, Officer.

Love is a burger and fries

You're the heartburn of my soul

Remember, good ideas get great

only if you don't get hurt.

Do you even hear how you sound?

Why do you always have to talk

in catchphrases?

Fans like it.

Yeah. Just hope the fans like my idea.

It is a good plan, right?

Right. Asking you is the same

as asking myself.

And I already know the answer.

It's another brush with danger.

- Floss.

- Floss.

That is such a lousy catchphrase.

Yeah, I know.

Work on that, will you?

I told you, pickle farm.

What?

I'm just saying.

In the book, Tripp breathes

underwater using straws

held together by rubber bands!

No. No, that's not it.

But we know she has the book.

What would she do?

She's Neal's daughter.

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