Dance Flick Page #3

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a needle. You look like a gutted worm.

You look like the number 11.

What are you, Mary-Kate or Ashley?

I've inserted tampons bigger than you!

I don't teach by the pound.

You, shave it!

What do you think this is,

Busch Gardens? Trim it!

Flatten it. Look who freed Willy!

Whale spotting! Grecian tanker!

You've got more chins than a Chinese

phone book.

How about some butter for those rolls?

We do the mashed potato here,

we don't eat the mashed potato.

Please. You gonna keep the baby?

I hope so.

And what's your situation? Did you

grow up next to a nuclear power plant?

You look like you were yanked

through a closed door.

You know, you're never gonna make it

as a dancer, Sister Sledge.

If I were you, I'd kill myself.

My life is over!

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!

It was a metaphor!

Girls, if you wanna have a successful

senior showcase...

...you're gonna have to step it up.

Nora, show them how it's done.

Be a tree.

A cloud.

An earthworm. An acorn.

- Wow, she's amazing.

- A pair of lips.

That's Nora, she's a triple threat.

- She acts, sings, and dances.

- You're a cup of coffee.

She's won every competition out there.

Excellent, Nora, excellent!

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Brilliant, A-plus!

Now, for the rest of you cows...

I want you to follow me over here

to the balance beam.

All right, that's good, Jack, that's good.

Now, take it to the right.

Take it to the right.

Now the left, come on!

All right, now bring it up the middle.

Let's go, come on.

Jeez, give me that.

You have got to take your ball

and drive it hard into your opponent!

And I mean drive it long and hard.

Let's go again.

- Dad, can I ask you a question?

- Yeah, shoot.

Did you ever wanna try something new...

...but were afraid of what your friends

might think?

What, like bonking a hooker?

Nothing wrong with that.

Your first time should be special.

No, that's not what I mean.

Did you ever wanna try something

other than basketball?

Like having a strong man pin you down?

His hot breath breathing down your neck

as you struggle to the ground...

I know what you're getting at.

If you wanna join the wrestling team,

you have my full support.

Now, remember, we got

basketball practice this afternoon, huh?

Lady-killer.

Excuse me!

This is the dancers' table, and from

what I understand, you no longer dance.

- Damn, Nora, you are so mean.

- Not mean. Just real.

Come on.

Don't worry about Nora.

She is all bark and no bite.

Besides, those are the rich b*tches...

...and you don't wanna

sit with them anyway.

Now, this is us, right over here.

Holla, holla, holla, holla!

Now, these are my roll dogs.

This is Uglisha and what's her name.

- Hey, girl!

- Hey, girl!

Wait, you don't know her name?

I thought they were your friends.

No, no, girl. I didn't say they were

my friends. I said I roll with them.

You see, I hang out with them because

they make me look better.

Now, what would I be doing being

friends with a b*tch with a keloid...

...and some run-over shoes?

Look at her shoes. They tragic. God.

Uno!

What an a**hole.

Who, girl? 'Cause you know in this

school you got to be more specific.

- Him.

- You talking about the corny brother...

...with the Cosby sweater

and the Dumbo ears?

Yeah. The one with the dried lips,

big forehead, and ashy knuckles?

That's my brother.

No, I wasn't talking about him. Him.

I don't usually do it.

- Cousin.

- Him.

- Yo, really?

- Nephew.

I'm really sorry.

I don't mean to offend you...

Oh, girl, I'm just messing with you!

She got you, girl. She got you good.

Yeah, she's like, "I'm surrounded by

black girls. Backpedal, backpedal. "

I think she's sweating Tang.

- She's so crazy.

- Scared me.

- They like my little minions, you see?

- Yeah. It's fun...

Come on, guys! Yeah!

All right.

Baby, look at me...

I'm just an average teen...

In gym class I watch you undress...

It's no secret that

fashion is my interest...

I got something in me...

I'm gonna set it free...

I'm Lance from 'N Sync's

number one fan...

Don't you know I love Bass

Now you know that I'm gay...

Flame...

I'll be gay forever...

I will always love guys...

Guys...

I'll wear chaps made of leather...

Do you think Tom Cruise is bi?

Gay...

Brokeback Mountain was heaven...

Is Ryan Seacrest straight?

Flame...

I'm gonna love men forever...

Baby, remember, I'm gay...

Remember, he's a member

Remember, he's a member...

Remember, he's a member...

I'm gay...

- Remember, I'm gay

- Gay!

One of you lucky boys is gonna be

my partner in the big showcase.

Now let's get started. You.

Go get her.

Next!

Yeah, you better be smiling.

Stop shaking.

Man up, dude! Come on, guys,

I weigh exactly 97.2 pounds.

I had one grape this morning, one!

- We're out of here.

- Guys, no! Don't go!

Save it, lard ass.

My life is over.

- I'll do it.

- Do what?

- Whatever it is y'all trying to do.

- You think you can lift me?

Sh*t, I could lift you.

Wait.

- Now what?

- You take your half boner off me.

My bad.

- Now put me down.

- All right.

Damn, I think I broke a nail.

So, we going to Club Violence tonight.

It's a hip-hop club. You should come.

- Yeah, sure.

- Are you 21?

No. I'm in high school.

So, what are you saying? I'm stupid

'cause I'm 21 and still in high school?

No, no, no, not at all.

Yo, A-Con, Megan needs a hook-up

on an ID for Club Violence tonight.

- Word. Give me $50.

- For what?

So I can get you some ID for $20.

You know Club Violence

ain't no square dance, right?

That's all right. I'll dance in circles,

probably around you.

Snap!

- She gonna roll around you, fam!

- All right.

She gonna roll around you.

All right, girl, let's roll.

- I think mami feeling you, fam.

- She probably got friends, too.

Oh, no, I'm good, B.

I need me a Queen Latifah type chick.

Corn rows and broad shoulders,

you know what I mean?

So, if I get jumped,

she knocking everybody out.

Yo, up here!

- Hey, girl.

- Hey, girl!

Come back in here, you little brat!

Quit playing around!

I'll be right down, Megan.

- Hey, girl!

- Hey!

Are we stopping somewhere first?

No. Why?

Do you need to stop somewhere?

No, I was just wondering,

is he coming to the club with us?

- Yeah. Why? Is there a problem?

- No. Not at all.

Okay, then, let's roll. Come on.

You are going to love Club Violence.

All the big ballers get shot there.

Speaking of which, you gonna need this.

It's your ID.

Oh, my God, her hair is horrible.

She has buckteeth, a lazy eye, and

needs to wax that unibrow. Who is this?

That's you!

- You're right.

- Come on.

Hey, Uglisha! Hey, Keloid!

- Hey, girl!

- Hey, girl!

- Charity, can I ask you something?

- Sure, what is it?

How do I look?

Girl. You ain't going nowhere with me

looking like that. Hold on.

Uglisha, let us use your car right fast.

- No, but I can't let...

- But nothing!

We ain't going nowhere,

we just wanna sit in it.

Nobody trying to take

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