Dangerous When Wet

I got out of bed on the right side

On the bright side

On the light side

I got out of bed on the right side

And I'm havin' a wonderful day

I sang a duet with the rooster

I'm a booster

Of the rooster

But he doesn't crow like he useter

Couldn't handle my yodel-ee-ay

Who cares if the sun ain't shinin'?

The eggs are beamin' sunny-side up

And as for a silver linin'

The coffee's steamin' money-side up

When day rolls around to the night side

If I still seem on the bright side

I don't wanna sound on the trite side

But I figure it happened this way

I got out of bed on the right side

And I'm havin' a wonderful day

One, two, three, four.

Two, two, three, four.

Three, two, three, four.

Four, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Two, two, three, four.

Three, two, three, four.

Four, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Two, two, three, four.

Three, two, three, four.

Four, two, three, go.

What's so interesting?

Clover and alfalfa diets

as opposed to non-legumes.

I'm not so sure I agree, though.

Katy, you can't learn dairy farming

out of books.

Anyway, what about doing your 10 laps?

Pa, do I have to?

Yesterday, you didn't swim a stroke,

nor the day before. You're getting unglued.

You're getting soft.

Remember the family motto.

"Take care of the body."

- Right.

- The brain will take care of itself.

I never said that.

I'm not getting soft, Pa.

Good girl. Katy.

Oh, all right.

Breakfast in 15 minutes.

I don't wanna sound on the trite side

But I figure it happened this way

I got out of bed on the right side

And I'm havin' a wonderful day

Hey, look out.

Hey, come on, bossy, mush.

Get out.

Come on, hay-burner,

let's get this show on the road here.

Come on, don't just stand there, move.

Ask her to move

like a gentleman.

That's no gentleman, it's a cow.

Joke over.

Come on, come on. Hurry up. This way.

- Farmer's daughter?

- Hey, come here.

And the traveling salesman.

Second joke over.

Come on, that's the way.

- That's pretty cute.

- Thank you.

- You too.

- And stay out of the road, girls.

Say, honey, we're gonna be in town

this afternoon. Maybe I'll be seeing you.

- I wouldn't count on it.

- Why? You gonna milk the cows?

No, they're very clever,

they milk themselves.

Hey, the farm girl's right with it.

- Yes, sirree.

- Look, why don't you change your mind?

We got a great little show whipped up,

courtesy of that boon to mankind, Liquapep.

Here, let me show you.

If you're weak, puny or undeveloped,

you take two tablespoons full...

Well, I guess you don't need this.

Come on to the show

anyway, will you?

We could have a nice chop suey dinner

afterward. What do you say?

- Well, I'll tell you what.

- Yeah?

There's a drugstore on the corner

of Main Street and Elm.

And you wait outside. And wear a white

carnation in your lapel so I'll know you.

Now, don't go away.

However, if I'm not there by Thursday,

you'll know something happened, huh?

Boy, she is with it.

- Junior, pass the blackstrap.

- Wheat germ, please.

- Hey, look, a double yolk.

- Find out who laid it.

We'll segregate her and study her diet.

Probably Becky.

She always puts her heart in her work.

Ma, can I have some more yogurt?

Now, that's what our cows need.

- Yogurt?

- No, an imported Jersey sire.

- Look, isn't he beautiful?

- You know what an imported sire costs?

I know what Sir John of Ralwyn costs.

He's worth every penny of it.

If we bred our girls with a prize package

like Sir John...

...we'd have the richest milk

in the country.

Where do you expect to get the money?

Well, I haven't worked that out yet.

I wonder how much the government

would pay us not to raise potatoes.

Oh, stop fretting, will you?

We got plenty to eat...

...lots of fresh air

and a good roof over our heads.

Well, a pretty good one.

Pa, let's face the facts.

The milk sales are way down,

the cheese is way off...

...the fences need mending,

the barn needs painting...

...and you know that milking machine

should be in a museum.

Now, just a minute. Who won first prize for

being the healthiest family in this county?

We did. And that's all we've got.

Muscles.

Look at my triceps, Pa.

Pa, we've gotta put this farm

on a scientific basis.

All right, all right.

From now on, we all knuckle down.

That goes for everybody.

We start today.

- Good.

- "Saturday afternoon.

- The Liquapep Health Show. Free."

- Health show? Where?

"Saturday afternoon." That's today.

Liquapep

If you are desirin' a new vitamin

To make you get fat

Or to make you get thin

To put the old energy back in your step

You'll get your kicker quicker

Drinkin' Liquapep

Thank you. Now, I'd like to present,

with your kind permission...

...the world's most perfectly-formed man,

the one and only, Hercules.

There he is.

Folks, would you believe

that just one year ago today...

...this magnificent specimen was weak,

scrawny, run-down?

Well, he was.

But then he made a wonderful discovery.

Tell them what it was, Hercules.

- Liquapep.

- Thank you very much.

Flex for the folks, Hercules.

Isn't that something, folks?

Okay, Herc, get with it.

Now, folks, while Hercules goes among you

passing out free samples of our product...

...I would like to read a free, unsolicited

testimonial from a satisfied customer.

"Dr. Colonel Cassius Carver,

New York City.

Dear sir, before taking Liquapep,

I was tired, run-down, irritable.

- After only one bottle...

- Just as I thought, muscle-bound.

I thought so too.

And now we come

to our big amateur contest.

All right, step up,

talented citizens of Arkansas.

The winner will receive, free,

a case of this wonderful elixir...

...Colonel Cassius Carver's Liquapep.

- Hello.

Who'll be the first contestant?

Step right up. Come on.

Come on, folks, step up.

Don't be bashful.

Hey, it's Suzie Higgins.

Oh, Miss Suzie Higgins.

Take it, kids.

I got all this stuff, Ma.

We can go home now.

- Where's Suzie?

- Up there.

My ma asked me and I told Ma

I like men

They don't have to look like Pa

But I like men

Since my birthday is coming due

I wouldn't dream of telling you

But in case you go shopping

Through the five-and-ten

Tell the lady at the counter I like men

Though my marmalade takes the prize

I like men

There ain't no flies in my mince pies

But I like men

I told Pa when I graduate

Don't want a bike or roller skates

Told him to line me up on dates

- Hi.

- Oh, hello.

- Pretty cute, huh?

- My sister.

Well, what do you know?

For cousin Ebenezer

A funny-looking geezer

I'm powderin' my beezer

When he comes to call

My neighbor, name of Hiram

A goat would not desire 'im

I'm tryin' to inspire 'im

With my folderol

Must be tetched in the head

'Cause I'd really rather drop dead

I can't explain it clearly

I reckon that it's merely

Mother Nature

Some gals say they like fancy clothes

I like men

Nylon hose and great big bows

But I like men

At the crack of dawn I'll be found

Milking the cows or tilling ground

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