Danny the Champion of the World Page #2

- But it is!

How would you like a midnight feast?

And I will explain to you

the mysterious art of poaching.

(Sizzling)

Well, now, once upon a time...

Dad!

Do you want your sausages?

Then listen to your old dad.

Once upon a time, people who lived

in the country were very poor.

Some of them were starving

and they were so poor

that they had to poach

their own food in order to survive.

But that was ages ago.

No, not so long ago.

In your grandfather's day.

And then, when things got better,

people continued poaching because...

Well, because...it's one of the most

exciting, difficult sports there is.

The pheasants belong to somebody,

don't they?

Ah, well, yes, strictly speaking.

Legally, they belong to the person

whose land they're on at the time.

That's never bothered anyone

round here.

Not until Mr Smarty-Pants Hazell

came and bought up all the land.

Tea, sir. It's hot.

I hate organised shoots like Hazell's!

- Why?

- They're unnatural. Against nature.

Do you know why he's got so many

pheasants? He buys them as chicks.

He puts them in pens and the keepers

feed them like...like pets.

They're practically tame!

On the day of the shoot, an army

of beaters crashes through the wood

and frightens them up into the air

and rich idiots

blast the senses out of them.

That's organised slaughter. (Sniffs)

Poaching is quite a different matter.

It's one man on his own.

It's the hunter and his prey.

The pheasants have a chance.

It's hard to catch one.

And there's the added spice

of the keepers lurking behind trees

with shotguns.

Guns?

They wouldn't shoot you, would they?

Hazell's keepers might. In the old

days they peppered your backside.

Your grandpa had a backside

like a pin-cushion.

Grandpa was a poacher?

He studied the art of poaching like...

like a scientist.

He discovered

one of the great secrets of poaching.

What was that?

- Time you were in bed.

- Oh, Dad, please. I'm all right.

- No, Danny, it's a secret.

- Please!

Well...

I suppose my dad told me...

so that I should tell you.

Pass it on, so to speak.

Like a family heirloom.

The thing he discovered, Master Daniel,

was that pheasants...love...

Pheasants love raisins.

(Echo) Pheasants love raisins...

Pheasants love raisins...

(William) Now keep very still.

Don't let them see you.

If we just stay here a minute.

Chickens like raisins, too.

Not as much as pheasants, though.

They adore them.

My old dad didn't stop there.

He thought about it

and one day the idea hit him.

Watch.

Watch that one.

Gotcha! Come on.

(Chickens cluck)

You can prod her. Stroke her, go on.

Do anything you like to her.

She won't move.

If she was a pheasant,

we could snaffle her right now.

That's the beauty of it. That's the poetry.

It's completely silent.

- Go on.

- (Chicken squawks)

The Sticky Hat, my old dad used to call it.

It's a landmark invention

in the history of poaching.

Hello, that sounds like business.

Come on.

(Engine rattles)

- (Engine backfires)

- Oh-oh.

Who's this?

Dad?

Danny, I've got a job for you.

But not until I tip you the wink.

- (Horn)

- (William) Morning.

Ah! Morning! Mr Smith?

- Yes?

- Name's Hunter.

District Council Child Welfare

Department. This is Mr Parker.

- Housing.

- Good morning.

Now, Mr Smith...

- We've had a...

- A report.

- I thought you might get one.

- Did you indeed?

- We're empowered under Section 3...

- You can inspect the place.

This is the workshop, office, stores.

- Living accommodation?

- Round the back.

- I'd be happy to show you round.

- I see.

I'm glad you're adopting

a responsible attitude.

Hm?

(Whispers)

(Chicken clucks)

I've never seen anything like it in my life!

A tin tub to wash in.

A hole in the ground to...

Do you really think this is the way to

bring up a child in this day and age?

I do. In this day and age, especially.

Why don't we have a cup of tea?

You didn't send Danny to school

until he was seven and a half.

Now, are you aware

of the legal requirement?

Yes, I'm perfectly well aware.

I taught Danny myself.

Oh. I'm afraid that just won't do,

Mr Smith.

The law is quite clear. Attendance

at a school is compulsory.

Unless alternative instruction is provided

by a qualified teacher.

- Mm-hm.

- I am a qualified teacher.

- I taught full-time before the war.

- Oh.

Well, did it never occur to you

that Danny might benefit

from the companionship of children

his own age?

(Sighs)

What... What are you doing?

How dare you! Take your hands off my car!

This is criminal damage.

I shall prosecute. I...

She sounded a bit rough.

Do you have trouble starting her?

- She does.

- Ssh!

- Points, is it, Dan?

- And carburettor.

Fuel pump's a bit wonky. I can fix it

but it really needs a new one.

- All right, Dan. We'll leave you to it.

- What?

Your car's in safe hands.

He does know what he's doing.

Come and have a cup of tea.

Danny's been tinkering with

motor cars since he could walk.

- Mr Parker? Tea?

- Mm.

I suppose he's the best

nine-year-old mechanic in the world.

I know I should have asked you first but...

I thought it would convince you

that he hasn't been wasting his time.

I should have made him go to school earlier

but...

My wife died when he was four months old.

He was all I had.

Fine-looking girl.

- (Car horn)

- Sounds like he's ready for us.

If you'd like to try it.

(Engine runs smoothly)

- Well!

- Bless my soul.

Danny, thank you very much.

Well, I'm convinced.

I assure you, you won't be

hearing any more from the council.

Danny, you're a lucky boy.

You've got the most...spiffing father.

Ready, Mr Parker.

I'm probably talking out of turn,

Mr Smith,

but if I were you, I'd hang on

to this bit of land of yours.

Say no more. Mum's the word, eh?

Goodbye! And God bless you both.

- Well done, Dan.

- Piece of cake.

Come on.

Do those tools - don't forget them.

- Dad?

- Yes?

About last night. Do you often go out

when I'm asleep and I don't know?

Not since your mother died.

I made a vow then

that I wouldn't go out poaching

until you were old enough to be left.

I'm old enough now.

You can go out whenever you like.

- Do you mean that?

- As long as you tell me.

Of course I will.

Stan... Victor here.

(Man's voice on phone)

So, what happened, then?

He'd an answer for everything,

did he?

Oh, forget it, forget it.

Stan...

when did I ever forget a favour?

Yeah. Yes, I suppose

that could be arranged. Goodbye.

An answer to everything, eh?

We'll see about that.

(William) Weasel, Danny.

You missed it. It went down there.

I love weasels - such a brave little animal.

A mother weasel will fight

to the death to protect her young.

Even against a fox

100 times bigger than her.

- 100?

- Ssh!

- What?

- Did you hear that?

(Squealing)

Come on.

(Squealing continues)

Ssh-ssh-ssh.

Don't frighten it. Don't frighten it.

(Screeches)

(William) Barbaric.

Do you know,

he'd chew right through his leg.

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