Daria: Is It College Yet? Page #7

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or pull the right strings, or donate a wing...

It was my uncle!

Listen. You're a smart guy and a good student. I'm sure you deserve to get into

Bromwell, and I wish you every success there.

Well, that's a nice thing to say, even if that Daria voice of yours makes it

sound like a kiss off... wait...

I think we should break up.

What? When did you decide this?

Just now.

Because I got into Bromwell and you didn't? That's not fair, Daria.

It's got nothing to do with Bromwell.

Well, if it's not about Bromwell, then what? Why?

Because you're going one place and I'm going another.

So what? We won't be that far away.

I don't mean physically. I mean you're from one place and I'm from another, and

college is going to make it even more obvious.

I don't believe that.

Tom... we have little enough in common as it is. Now we won't see each other for

months at a time, and every time we do, it'll be more difficult to pick up where

we left off.

Not if we work at it.

Why should we work at it when we are already getting bored?

Who's bored? I'm not bored.

Really? Or are you just upset that I admitted it first?

You'll get over it. We both will.

Hey, kids! What's new?

Oops, sorry. Wrong table.

Hi.

Hmm.

TV's off.

Yeah. Want something?

No. Just... if you had a friend and you knew she had a problem but she didn't,

would you tell her?

Huh?

This girl I was working with... I think she has a drinking problem. If I don't

say anything, I'm afraid she'll get an accident or something, but if I do say

something, she'll probably never speak to me again. Not that she is now.

I don't really feel qualified to give any advice on interpersonal relationships today.

Why not?

I just broke up with my boyfriend. It's kind of a first for me. So's this

feeling in my stomach like it's been through a paper shedder.

You broke up with Tom?

You sound almost surprised as I was.

Why?

Because I felt we'd come to the end of our relationship, for a bunch of reasons,

and we should both move on.

So you said that to him, just like that?

For some reason, I continue to opt for honesty, despite mounting evidence that

it's inexorably transforming me into an old woman alone in a one room apartment

filled with thirty year old newspapers and cats.

Oh, Daria, that's not gonna happen to you. I was at a college party. I know what

goes on there. People are smart and nice.

So it's the opposite of high school?

You're gonna have friends and everything. I know it sounds hard to believe.

Gee, thanks. But, um, thanks.

You were right to be honest. That's what I'm gonna do.

Good. You can help me feed the cats.

Daria, your face at the pizza place. Your face now... did that bastard dump you?

I was always afraid he'd do that!

No, I dumped him.

You dumped... you're the bastard? Whoa.

Yes, I'm the bastard, and the bastard is hurting like hell.

Oh, hi. I didn't think I'd ever see you again.

Why not? We're friends, right?

I mean, that was a really crappy thing I said about you borrowing my lipstick. I

can't believe I did it. I was desperate.

I know.

It was, like, the worst thing I've ever done in my life, and I'm really sorry.

Lindy, I know I'm only in high school and I'm not really used to be around

people who drink except for my father, but that's only when he's really mad and

talking about military school and even then... and okay, my mother had a few too

many at this wedding, but if you knew my aunt Rita, and I think you have a

drinking problem.

All right, I hurt you, you hurt me, fair enough.

I'm not trying to hurt you, Lindy. You really need to think about your drinking.

Quinn, I'm in college. Everybody drinks. If I had a problem, it would be

affecting my schoolwork or personal life, wouldn't it?

But you got fired because of it!

I got fired because Michael's a jerk. And guess what? I already found another job.

But you just said that what happened in Michael's office was the worst thing you

ever did in your life. Doesn't that mean it's affecting you?

That was out of panic, and now with your nasty little accusations, you've gotten

me back for. Which is what I guess you came over in the first place. So, we're

even, okay? So goodbye.

Goodbye?

I've got a paper due tomorrow and I've got a lot of writing left to go. You

noticed I said writing, not drinking. You'll noticed I've a got a book opened,

not a bottle And now the door's open, too.

Hello?

All right! Last day of school. No more classes.

Or homework!

Or those things with the pages!

Books?

Yeah, that's it.

I want to talk to you. Alone.

Okay. Obviously, you found out that I went to see your father.

And told him what I confided in you.

Look, I was just trying to help.

Yeah? Well, as a result of your butting in... I'm going to Turner! I'm going to Turner!

You are? That's great!

My parents said that if I was so upset about Crestmore that I applied to Turner

behind their backs, they had to respect my feelings. They told me I'd earned the

right to be treated like an adult.

I knew you'd work it out.

I wouldn't have worked it out without you. Did I ever tell you how lucky I am to

have you?

Jodie! Mack! Have you seen Mr. O'Neill?

Nope, haven't seen him.

Oh sure. All you males stick together!

Kevvie, do you want to go to the place we have to go to get the cap and gown

with me?

Mmmm, nah! But, you go ahead.

Why? Did you already get yours?

Um, Brit... remember when you said you'd still be my babe, no matter where I

went to school?

Umm... I think so.

But you will, right?

Sure! Where are you going?

Right here, babe!

Huh?

Right here. Lawndale High. See, um, my grades were so good, they want to see if

I can do it again.

Ohhh. Wait a minute... your grades aren't good... Kevvie, you flunked!

No, no, no! I just, um, didn't pass.

But, see, if I repeat this year, then my grades will be really good.

Mr. O'Neill says I can go away to any college in the country!

Really?

Or did he say some college way out in the country? Anyway, we're still, like,

boyfriend and girlfriend, right?

Ummm, sure.

Timothy, you've got to be firm. Now, repeat after me: "Barch, it'll be a cold

day in hell before I kiss my common sense and will to live goodbye, and enter

the bonds of unholy matrimony with such a shrew!" Now, you!

Um, Janet, it'll be a chilly day in Hades...

LOUDER!

Uh, Janet...

There you are. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were hiding from me!

Oh. Me? Hiding?

Madam? Timothy has something he'd like to say to you! Don't you, Timothy?

Well, what is it? And make it snappy, Skinny, we have to go pick our honeymoon

cruise wear.

Um, Janet, about the wedding, well, um, you see...

There's not gonna be a wedding, so you can dig your talons into the flesh of

some other prey!

WHAT?

You heard him.

Uh, you see, Janet, It's not that you wouldn't make a very desirable life partner...

All right then, Mr. Gigolo, you hear this: if there's no wedding, then that's

it. It's over, buster. We will never play farmwife and National Geographic

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