Daria: Is It Fall Yet? Page #4

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Um... thanks.

Are you going to blow off fireworks at the club, too?

Sorry. I forgot. We can't. I already told... promised Daria I'd go with her to

her friend's Fourth of July party.

Daria, what can we do to get into your good graces?

Now, I want each of you to think of the blue lanyard as representing how you

feel on the inside, and the green as how you present yourself on the outside.

Picture...

It's a hundred degrees! Can't we go for a swim in the lake?

Yeah... lake!

Now, Kristin... do we really want to risk exposure to algae blooms? Maybe some

other time, when it's not quite as warm out.

The blue strand represents the gnawing feeling of failure growing with each

wasted year. The green represents the ulcer you're developing from the

unrelenting indignities you suffer. Take the blue and cross it under... I mean,

over the loop and then through the frustration... argh... ! Lanyards suck!

So continue threading the blue with the green until you've finished. Or can't

take the tedium anymore.

Hey, Link. Need some help?

Nope. All done.

Hey, Quinn, can I get you a soda?

How about a lemon for your soda?

How about a knife for your lemon?

Um, okay.

Gee, Quinn... I'm surprised you're not at the planetarium with the jet

propulsion club, what with all your tutoring.

Sandi, shh. I'm trying to keep that a little quiet, remember?

Say no more. As your friend and fellow Fashion Club officer, I give you my

solemn word that your secret is safe with me.

Thanks, Sandi.

I will never tell a soul that you, Quinn Morgendorffer, are seeing a tutor.

Quinn... you're seeing a tutor?

Quinn, I'm so sorry. I didn't see them sneaking up behind you.

Um, yeah... I'm being tutored because of my P-STAT scores.

That's cool.

Hey, yeah.

Awesome.

Really?

Hey, next year could you help me with my homework?

No, me! I'm stupider than he is.

I can barely spell my own name.

Gee, I didn't realize being tutored provides you with an opportunity to help

others. Maybe I should get a tutor.

Yeah... me, too.

Oh, God, I think I need one, too.

Jodie, what have you been up to this summer?

Soup kitchen, crisis center, Congressman Sack's office, fund raising, golf lessons.

Isn't she something?

Oh, yes. And Michael, is it? What are you doing this summer?

Driving an ice cream truck.

Oh.

Hey, there's Daria with that guy who claims to be her brother. I'm going to trap

him in his own web of lies.

Oh, Kevin, you're so... spidery!

It's been a lovely evening, but I think I'm ready to go home now. But first, a

word from the village idiots.

Hi, Daria! Hi, Tom!

Hey.

Hi.

Say there, um, Tom. If you're Daria's brother, how come we never saw you before

this year?

That should be obvious. They weren't able to match up our telltale birthmarks

until now.

Oh. Hey, man, I'm sorry.

I have something to tell you two. Tom's not my brother.

Aha!

He's the mad scientist who built me. He has to hang around in case my internal

organs fall out.

Eww... !

I'm her date.

Good one, man.

Wait a minute, Kevvy. He's serious. But how can you be dating Jane and Daria?

Well, I'm not dating Jane anymore.

Oh. Oh! Daria!

Um, will you excuse us for a while? We'll be back right after man walks on the sun.

Wow... Daria's dating her best friend's boyfriend.

So then, whose brother is he?

Hey, Daria. Thanks for coming. Tom Sloane, right? Jane's boyfriend?

Actually, we're just friends now.

Oh, that's too bad. You guys were a cute couple. Any chance for a reconciliation?

Um, Jodie... Hell's frozen over and Tom's here with me.

What? I mean... it didn't occur to me that, um... you know... Dad! You remember

Daria Morgendorffer. And this is Tom Sloane.

Sloane? You're not Angier's boy, are you?

As a matter of fact, yeah.

Great guy. And how's your lovely mother, Katherine?

You know my mother?

I just had the pleasure. We're up for membership at Winged Tree and she's on the

board. Forget politics. That's power.

I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

You can't eat in your room forever. Why go to an artists' colony if you're not

going to mingle with your fellow artists?

That's like saying why go to a penal colony if you're not going to mingle with

your fellow... I think I'll stop there.

Come on, I know they'll warm up to you if you give them a chance.

Um, are we by any chance conversing across parallel dimensions?

I'll bet you dinner I'm right.

You're on, sucker.

Mind if we join you?

Not at all.

How's everyone liking the colony so far?

I love it. It's so... freeing.

And Daniel? That man is brilliant. He said my white-on-white painting was a

stroke of inspiration.

I'll bet you two have explored all sorts of strokes together.

Oh well, I suppose genius does have its prerogatives.

Well, I don't know if Daniel's a genius.

No offense, Jane, but aren't you still in high school? How much can you know

about art at this point?

Excuse me?

Paris, we all had to submit a portfolio to be accepted here. I'd say Jane knows

quite a bit about art.

I'm sure you're right. I apologize. Are you guys ready to go?

Gee, that was fun. But in the future, let's save time and just roll around on gravel.

Sorry about that. I guess I owe you one.

You owe me dinner.

"Brush, brush, brush your teeth, using good hygiene, up and down and up and down

and floss until they gleam." Everybody!

"Brush, brush, brush your teeth, using good hygiene, up and down and up and

down, floss until they gleam."

Remember, don't think about what you're doing, because I don't really want a

painting from you. I want a painting from the child within.

It's so pretty out. Can't we go for a hike? Please?

Now, campers. I wouldn't be a very caring counselor if I let you run

higgledy-piggledy through the poison ivy and ticks. One day there'll be time to

explore the woods, after we explore ourselves.

Well, well, Josh. What have we here? A football player? May I inquire why?

My child within wants to be a winner. Everyone knows football players are winners.

I see. Obviously, your definition of a winner is a degenerate slacker with

pigskin for brains, an unshakable desire to sleep through class, and a lifetime

goal of excelling at arm noise contests while never, ever doing any honest work

of any kind! Is that right?!

Oh, my gosh. Anthony, what happened?

I, uh... Timothy, I think I may have spoken too harshly to a camper.

Oh, no. Was he traumatized?

I'm no good at working with young people! Why, oh, why did I ever think I could?

Josh is the worst bully at camp.

I hate his child within.

Hooray for Uncle Anthony!

Oh... thank you, campers!

Okay, let's talk about the rise and fall of the Roman Empire. In 753 B.C.,

Romulus and Remus...

Um, excuse me, is this going to take long? I still have a few accessories left

to buy for my date tonight.

Well, look. Rome wasn't built in a day, if you know what I mean.

Good one. Might I suggest then that we finish this session at Cashman's?

Sandi, if you're not going to take this seriously...

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