Dark Cove

---

1

Do you think anybody

will find the body here?

I mean, it's not

that hard to dig up.

If we had some bleach we could

get rid of most of the remains

but this is the best

we can do for now.

We just gotta f***ing try it.

Yeah, but they have

dogs that are trained

to sniff out corpses.

F*** it!

This is what we're going to do.

We don't know anything

about what happened

we were asleep.

DARK COVE:

I don't know, Joey

I mean, I'm really tired

I just worked like three

doubles straight.

Listen Rachel. I have to

go on this camping trip

I've asked every f***ing server

in this entire restaurant.

Please take my shift tonight.

How come you never take any

shifts for me?

Like that time I wanted to go

to the Lil' Wayne concert

and you wouldn't take my shift.

Whatever.

Just think of the cash.

Section seven

You'll make $120 easy

and I'll throw in another

$20 right now

Yeah? What else are

you offering?

You sleazy little sleuze.

Listen, next time we're both

hammered at a party

I'll go down on you for like

two hours stright.

I'm talking Russian tongue maneuvers

kept secret during the cold war.

I've studied that sh*t.

I've even got this finger technique

where I tap on your clit in morse code.

My God!

You are such a freak.

Fine. I'll take your stupid

shift.

Yes! Thank you so much.

I love you.

How about a little sneak

preview in the staff bathroom?

Get the f*** outta here!

Come on. Quick moterboat?

Rim job?

Yes!

What up Joey?

Hey, Joey! What's up man?

Check out my new tattoo.

That's f***ing sick dude!

Yeah, dude. I just got my

sleeve started on Monday

I'm gonna go back and get some color

touch ups and it'll be done man.

Sweet dude. Well I'm going

camping right now.

I'll catch you later, alright?

Camping? Sick bro.

I wish I could roll with.

Later buddy.

You're a f***ing pimp bro.

You're a pimp.

Peace out motherfuckas!

Yo, you got your shift covered?

You know it playa.

Let's roll out.

Yummy.

I hope you girls

aren't vegetarians!

Joey!

Hello, ladies.

Did you guys actually just

sniff each other's fingers?

Hell yeah. It's from

Dazed and Confused.

That doesn't make it okay.

Nice to see you too, Lacey.

Maybe I like to smell all

sorts of things.

Roses and cream!

I like that.

Hello, Joey.

Hello.

Okay, Jen may be single now,

but that doesn't mean that you

can perv on her all weekend.

Whatever.

What's up Ian? It's been a

long time bro

Joey Deezio. My

favorite little Italian.

Are you ready for another

legendary excursion?

You know it. I've been looking

foreward to this sh*t all year.

Alright everybody. Welcome to

the fourth annual camping trip

Lacey, babe, I know

it's your first time.

But we wont be gentle.

I don't like it gentle!

So hard, so deep,

so far past the clit.

Shut up Joey.

So Jen, now that you're single

that means me and Ian can

"Eiffel Tower" you tonight, right?

My God, Joey.

What do you mean "Eiffel Tower"?

You mean you've never

been to Paris?

No, I've been to the south of

France on a family vacation.

What?

Don't worry, we'll show you

the "Eiffel Tower".

Jen don't listen to them.

It's just immature guy bullshit.

What is it?

What does it mean? Tell me!

If you really wanna know, it's

when you're bent over getting

double teamed by two guys, one

in the front, one in the back,

and they do a straight arm

pointing high five.

Hence, "The Eiffel Tower".

Shotgun mouth!

Yeah, no that is not happening.

I told you. It's disgusting.

Sorry Joey, I can't anyways

I've got a girlfriend.

Yeah, and she's a

prissy Vancouver chick.

She can't handle bush wacking it with some

rough Victoria boys for like three days.

Man, she had to work.

Whatever dude, I'm just sayin'

she's a little prissy.

Every time, you know, we book

something fun to do she bails.

I'm just saying, when it's on

the island.

If it's in Vancouver and it's

convenient she's there.

I'm just saying she's a bit

prissy.

She's... admit she's

a little bit prissy

F*** you, man.

A little bit prissy?

Like that much?

Yeah, like the size

of your dick much.

You know otherwise. You know

otherwise, okay?

Lacey, back me up.

I am not getting involved

in this conversation.

You know otherwise.

Just admit it.

You big dick bastard.

Yes! See, that's what I'm saying

My dick is like the Kennedy assassination,

the truth always comes out.

What?

The Kennedy assassination?

His cock is actually

very political.

It's, like, liberal with some

conservative tendensies.

All this talk about Quinn's dick is

making me want to pull out mine.

It could come out any moment.

No!

Joey, I think you may be the

horniest person on the planet.

I've thought about it, and I

actually think that if Joey

spent all the time that put

into chasing poon,

all that energy, passion

and enthusiasm.

If he put that into doing something

that was actually productive

he probably would've found

a cure for cancer by now.

Maybe a nobel peace prize.

Or maybe solve the Kennedy

assassination mystery.

Yeah, but you know I would not

nearly be as much fun.

We know Joey, that's why we

love you bro.

You're our own little

poon hound.

Honey, are we almost there?

Just two more hours.

Welcome to Sombrio, babe.

I'm excited.

Finally.

Get me out of this van.

Alright.

That matress is f***ing huge!

What kind of sex are you

planning on having this weekend?

Just because we're camping doesn't

mean we can't be comfortable.

Lacey, what have you done to

this guy?

I remember he used to just pass out

in the middle of the hard ground

with all his clothes on.

Sometimes in a pool of his own

vomit like Keith Moon.

I've matured, okay?

I'm a gentleman of leisure.

Let's leave this in there for now.

We'll take it on the second trip.

So, did you guys reserve

a campsite?

No, there aren't any

desgnated sites.

There's a few fire-pits

set up along the beach

but you can pretty much

just camp anywhere you want.

But we still have to pay though.

That's what Joey's doing right now.

Right Joey?

Yeah, yeah. I'm on it homie.

The thing that sucks is that there's

like a ten minute hike down to the beach

so we'll have to make two

trips to get all the gear going

but trust me, it's worth it.

Aren't there any park

rangers supervising?

Not really. I mean they have one or two

guys that come down once in a blue moon

to check on campfires and sh*t but

we've never seen them around here.

That's why it's such a

good party beach.

Hey, what's your license

plate number?

943 SPK

Sweet.

Didn't you tell me a bunch of hippies

used to live in the woods around here?

Yeah, back in the early 80's a bunch of

hippies moved here and starting squating.

They set up all these crazy elaberate

shacks right on the beach.

Some of them lived here for

over twenty years.

Yeah, some of them had kids

who were born

and until they

were were teenagers.

I actually met one

of them in Australia.

She was a pro surfer 'cause se grew

up on the beach surfing everyday.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes