Dark Ride

---

(creaking)

(creaking continues)

Looks like it's closed.

Don't be such a wimp.

The guy's right there.

(maniacal laughter)

I told you, Colleen,

if you're gonna pull this crap,

you could have just

stayed at home.

Will you just leave me

alone, you idiot?

- (carnival music playing)

- Well...

Jerk.

Come on already.

(laughter continues)

Two tickets, please.

Round trip or one way?

(laughs)

Go on, get on.

It's not gonna bite you.

(gears hiss)

- (banging)

- (creaking)

(maniacal laughter)

You see? It's all fake,

you little baby.

Don't you feel

stupid now?

(shrieks, laughs)

Ooh-hh...

(bubbling)

(screams)

Look at that devil face.

(laughs)

You're not looking.

Look.

Mmm,

it's kind of cool.

- (yells)

- Stop it, jerk!

Oh, poor baby.

Want me to change your diaper?

- (roars)

- (girls scream)

- (gasps)

- (indistinct chanting)

Whoa, look at that.

(player piano playing)

(gunfire)

Lmagine if this whole ride

shut down right now.

We would have to find

our way back out on foot.

- (animal howls)

- It might take hours.

Look at that fire,

Colleen.

That's awesome!

You're not looking.

You are such a little girl, Colleen.

You know that?

I'm gonna start calling

you Colleen Crybaby.

I knew I should have left you home,

Colleen Crybaby.

I'm gonna make you get out

and walk this ride all by yourself.

You know what?

(girls screaming)

(maniacal laughter)

Sam!

(maniacal laughter continues)

All right, you stupid...

ride.

(crying)

Colleen:
Sam!

(Colleen screams)

(creaking)

(rock music playing)

? She's lying

right next to me...?

Cathy, am I even gonna

need a bathing suit in New Orleans?

I don't think so, Liz. Oh, unless

you're gonna pull your top down

- for "Girls Gone Stupid."

- What, like this? Whoo!

You know you're going to.

You'd love that.

Can you tell me again

why we're going there

and not someplace with palm trees

and umbrella drinks?

Look at it like this:

The money that we're going to save

by enduring this trip

with the boys...

and I do mean "endure"...

will more than make up

for food, fun

and anything else

we might need.

Think of it as business,

not pleasure, Liz.

I'm glad you suggested

we go to New Orleans.

It's retro.

You feel me?

It's like something

our grandparents would have done.

Yeah, well, I was hoping

the female population down there

- skewed younger than that.

- When they were our age,

- you freak show.

- Right.

Anyway, spring break's become

this market-laden excuse

for multinational consumer product

companies to pass out samples of sh*t,

like deodorant

and condoms.

F***! "Final Cut," dude.

I love this book.

What are you doing

reading this?

You gave it to me

for my birthday.

- Oh.

- Take it out of the bag

and put one

of these in instead.

We're going to spring break,

not to the library.

- What is this?

- It's a condom.

And you have to use it

when you're not having sex with her.

You know about her?

You know that Jim's

driving us, right?

Yeah, I know that.

Are you okay with that,

after what happened?

What happened was

I got really drunk

and I hooked up with someone

I shouldn't have hooked up with.

- It happened once, come on.

- You do it every weekend.

- Once.

- Stop, stop.

It's like the measles.

It's out of my system.

- Okay okay.

- Drop it.

You do know how I get

when I get a few drinks in me...

I could basically probably hook up

with anyone.

- The whole school knows how you get.

- Shut up.

Do you realize that

Michael Cimino almost bankrupted

United Artists with "Heaven's Gate"?

It's just such an abuse

of production.

Why don't you take it down a notch

with the movie mania?

We're trying

to fit in.

What's the deal

with you and Steve?

I don't know. My whole situation

reeks of clich?

I mean, all this together,

apart, together, apart...

I'm f***ing dizzy

at this point.

And then the sh*t

he pulled this semester.

- So what did you tell him?

- I like the sound of alone.

Do you still love him?

I don't know.

You know, I'm 19 years old.

What do I know about love?

I highly doubt that quickies

in the dorm room

and a romantic

Saturday evening

by a frat keg qualify.

I look at it like this...

I mean,

if I can get

through this trip as friends,

then that's

all she wrote.

If I can't keep

my hands off him,

then, well,

we'll see.

Oh, so you're taking

the scientific approach.

- Do you still love her?

- Who the hell knows?

If we don't f*** during vacation,

I'm guessing it's done.

If she can't keep her hands off me,

we'll see.

So you're taking

the Tommy Lee approach.

You can say that.

- Oh, God.

- Yeah, it was totally nuts.

Both:
Hi.

Oh, God, there they are.

Hey!

Wait a minute. Why would you want them

to come with us

if you don't think

you two are still dating?

Gas costs?

Doesn't the expression "bringing sand

to the beach" mean anything to you?

I'm not too worried

about it.

Although I gotta admit it, it's kind

of blowing my hitchhiker fantasy.

What, you always wanted

to blow a hitchhiker?

Oh.

- Steve:
Hey.

- Hi.

Hello.

- How are you doing?

- Hi.

Okay, gang, so we all set

to do this or what?

Big Daddy's gotta go.

Well, when's Big Daddy

gonna come home?

The road's calling,

honey. I gotta go.

Bye. See ya.

What up, man?

How you doing?

- Hey.

- What's shakin'?

Hey.

Elizabeth,

it's been a long time.

Time was the only long

thing you ever gave me,

Big Daddy.

And it's Liz.

Ow!

You got AAA

for this dump?

Seriously,

you guys, don't talk sh*t...

(kisses)

About my baby.

They didn't mean it.

The '70s called.

They want your baby back.

That is so funny.

He's creative.

He's like

the kissing bandit.

Bill, thanks

for the invite, man.

Should be a lot of fun.

Yeah, no, I'm just happy

to be invited.

Boy's gonna get him

some tail.

- My boy's gonna get him some tail.

- (car horn honks)

Come on, stop it!

Wouldn't hurt a cripple.

Hello,

"Midnight Cowboy."

John Schlesinger,

you know?

Jon Voigt, Joe Buck.

Guys, it's a classic.

It's the first and only

X-rated film ever to win an Oscar

for Best Picture.

Who are you people?

- Get in.

- You've never heard of it?

I love the shag.

I love the shag.

All right, let's hit the road, kids.

Everybody buckle up.

? Making change?

? In factions...?

? Yeah, the kids?

? Are all right...?

? It's a scene

every night...?

? If the best is really

yet to come?

? We'd all stay?

? Longer?

? And all the seasons

that we ran?

? Too quickly through?

? Have passed...?

I guess

it's a self-serve.

Sure this place is open?

Well, all the lights

are on, so yes, I do.

Steve:
Maybe the guy's

taking a sh*t.

Jim:

Must be Free Gas Friday.

No, come on, guys.

Don't screw around.

Steve:
Just go check

around in the office.

Bill:
Hello.

Hello.

(upbeat piano music playing)

Hi. How are you doing?

'78, that's a good year.

"Deer Hunter"

won Best Picture.

Guess you didn't happen

to catch that one.

Yeah, it had this incredible

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