Dark Star Page #4

the path of the beams.

Thank you for observing

all safety precautions.

Well then, everything sounds fine.

Dropping you off in 75 seconds.

Good luck.

Thanks.

I've got a quantum reading of 35-er.

3-5-er.

I read the same here.

Doolittle. Doolittle?

I don't know if you can hear me.

But I'm going to try to adjust

the cue switch in the laser.

Well... here it goes...

Oh my god, my eyes!

I can't see!

Attention. Attention.

- The laser has malfunctioned.

- My eyes!!

Under no circumstances

enter the path of the beams.

To do so will cause immediate...

Begin primary sequence.

Mark at 10-9-8-7-6-

5-4-3-2-1-drop.

Negative drop.

It's just sittin' there

in the bomb bay.

Try it again, Pinback.

Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-drop.

Negative drop!

Rechannel all safety relays!

- Open quantum latches!

- Open circuit breakers!

- Remove thrust drive repellent!

- Automatic channels open!

75-15 Going to operation position!

Remark.

Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-

drop,... drop!... drop!!!

Sittin' there.

The damn thing's just sittin' there.

This is Lieutenant Doolittle

Calling Bomb #20.

I repeat previous order,

you are to disarm yourself and

return to the bomb bay immediately!

Do you understand?

I am programmed to detonate in

14 minutes 30 seconds.

Detonation will occur at the

programmed time.

What!? This is Doolittle.

You are not to detonate, repeat, you

are not to detonate in the bomb bay.

Disarm yourself. This is an order.

I read you, Lieutenant Doolittle,

but I am programmed

to detonate in 14 minutes.

Detonation will occur at

the programmed time.

14 minutes to detonation.

Attention. Attention.

I have sustained serious damage.

Please pay close attention.

The bomb has malfunctioned.

I have activated automatic dampers,

which will confine the explosion to

an area one mile in diameter.

This is all I can do at this time.

It's up to you now.

There's only one thing I can do.

I have to ask Commander Powell.

I have to ask him what to do.

Commander Powell?

Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.

Can you read me?

Commander Powell, this is Doolittle.

Something serious has come up,

I have to ask you a question.

I'm glad you've come to talk

With me, Doolittle.

It's been so long since anyone

has come to talk with me.

Commander, sir, we have

a big problem.

The uh, Veil Nebula bomb,

Bomb Number 20, it's uh,

It's stuck.

It won't drop out of the bomb bay.

It refuses to listen and it.

It plans on detonating in...

less than eleven minutes.

Doolittle,

you must tell me one thing.

What's that, sir?

Tell me, Doolittle,

How are the Dodgers doing?

Well, the Dodgers uh...

They broke up, they disbanded

over 15 years ago!

- Ah... pity, pity...

- But you don't understand, sir!

We can't get the bomb to drop.

Ah, so many malfunctions...

Why don't you have anything nice

to tell me when you activate me?

Oh well,... did you try

the azimuth clutch?

Yes sir. Negative effect.

- What was that, Doolittle?

- Negative effect!

- It didn't work?

- That's correct, sir.

Sony, Doolittle.

I've forgotten so much

since I've been in here.

So much.

What should we do, sir?

The time is running out!

Well, what you might try is.

Commander? Hello... Comman...

Commander Powell?! Hello!

Doolittle?... Hello?

Sorry, sir, you faded out there

for a little while.

Sorry.

What was that you were

saying about the bomb?

Ah... it seems to me...

Sony, I've drawn a blank.

Hold if.

I'll have it again in just a minute.

I forget so many things in here,

... so many things.

Hold on, just a minute,

let me think...

But you can't explode

in the bomb bay.

It's foolish.

You'll kill us all.

There's no reason for it.

I am programmed to detonate

in 9 minutes.

Detonation will occur at

the programmed time.

Would you consider another course

of action?

For example, just waiting around

awhile so we can disarm you?

No.

I can tell, that damn thing

Just doesn't understand.

Look, bomb!...

Commander, Sir? You still there?

Oh, yes, Doolittle,

I'm thinking.

We're running out of time, sir.

Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle,

if you can't get it to drop

you'll have to talk to it.

Sir?

- Talk to the bomb.

- But I have been talking to it, sir!

And Pinback's talking

to it right now!

No, no, Doolittle,

... you talk to it.

Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle.

Sir?

Phenomenology...

Doolittle!

6 minutes to detonation!

Doolittle!

Doolittle! Doolittle,

what the hell are you doing?!

Hello, bomb, are you with me?

Of course.

Are you willing to entertain

a few concepts?

I am always receptive to suggestions.

Fine. Think about this one, then:

How do you know you exist?

What the hell is he doin'?

I think he's talking to it.

Well of course I exist.

But how do you know you exist?

- It is intuitively obvious.

- Intuition is no proof.

What concrete evidence do you

have that you exist?

Hmm...

Well, I think, therefore I am.

That's good.

That's very good.

But how do you know that

anything else exists?

- My sensory apparatus reveals it to me.

- Ah, Right!

This is fun.

Now, listen, listen...

here's the big question.

How do you know... that the

evidence your sensory apparatus

reveals to you is correct?

- The gun!

- Gun?! Gun?

The support pins on the bomb!

- Shoot the pins off!

- No, Boiler, you're out of your mind!

We can stop the bomb!

Get out of my way, you idiot!

I can shoot the support pins out and the

bomb will fall away from the ship!

Get out of my way or

I'll kick your teeth in!

I can shoot those pins out and

it will fall away from the ship!

Get out the way!

I can save the ship!

Don't do it, Boiler!

You're a bad shot!

You'll hit the bomb!

Doolittle's talkin' to the bomb.

You're a bad shot! He'll save us,

you can't do that!

What I'm getting at is this:

The only experience that is directly

available to you is your sensory data.

And this sensory data is merely

A stream of electrical impulses which

stimulate your computing center.

In other words, all I really know

about the outside world

is relayed to me through

my electrical connections.

Exactly.

Why,... that would mean that...

I really don't know what the outside

universe is like at all, for certain.

That's it! That's it!

Intriguing.

I wish I had more time

to discuss this matter.

Why don't you have more time?

Because I must detonate in 75 seconds.

No, no, now, put it back!

Put the gun back!

You don't know what you are doing!

Now, now give me the gun!

You fool! I'm gonna shoot

the pins out of the bomb

and it will fall away from the ship

and we'll be saved!

Give me the gun, you don't know what

you are doing? You're...

You could have killed me...

Now bomb,

consider this next question,

very carefully.

- What is your one purpose in life?

- To explode, of course.

- And you can only do it once, right?

- That is correct.

And you wouldn't want to explode on

the basis of false data, would you?

Of course not.

Well then, you've already admitted

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