Dark Tide Page #4

We don't need the tanks.

I thought we were going underwater.

You're going in a cage,

so I'll send you down a line.

And if I let you out of the cage,

you're gonna free dive.

Sharks don't like bubbles.

Okay. Cool.

Well, I'm good to hold my breath

for about three minutes.

How about you?

I don't know.

He's been practicing in the bath.

Let's go.

Dick.

- Hey. Tommy.

- Hey. William.

- Nice to meet you.

- Hey.

- Hi. Tommy.

- Hi.

- Hi, guys. Good to see you again.

- Hi, Jeff. How are you?

Did you tell him he could smoke?

No smoking on the boat.

- Hmm?

- No smoking.

I paid to dive with sharks,

not to quit smoking, right?

Come on. Didn't you fly here...

- for 12 hours?

- Mm-hmm.

- Did you smoke?

- Mm-hmm.

Got my own plane, honey.

I smoke on my own plane, okay?

Well, I got my own boat, honey.

No smoking.

- Mm. Mm-mm...

- Whoa, whoa. Please.

- Ask nicely.

- Dad, come on.

Don't be a dick.

Dad, don't be a dick.

Just put it out.

Oh, my God.

Look, okay.

If it means so much to you all,

there you go.

Okay? But I'm warning you all,

I'm gonna get cranky.

Breakfast!

Hey, Jeff!

- Hey, you want a beer? You want one?

- No, thanks.

I'll have one.

- You want one?

- Yeah.

Go on then.

Don't drink it all at once.

Here you go, mate.

Thank you.

Cheers. Whoo-hoo-hoo.

Cheers. Here's to

swimming with sharks.

Ah.

All right. Here's one.

Think before you answer.

How do you outswim a shark?

You don't. You just have to outswim

the chap next to you.

Ah.

- You heard that one.

- Who hasn't?

Yeah. Right.

Jeff, this cage...

it's pretty sturdy, right?

Yeah.

What about this?

What's this for?

Just in case?

Well, you know,

sometimes sh*t happens.

Well, does sh*t happen a lot?

You mean with Kate?

Sh*t is happening all the time, my friend.

Tommy, the head is clogged.

Take care of it, please.

- Got it, skipper.

- Thanks.

- Go. Go, go, go, go.

- Whoa!

Turn the whole pad. You'll clear it.

Turn it towards you,

like the reins of a horse.

Aah!

- Give me a turn.

- No! No! Wait!

- It's mine!

- I got it. Please.

Luke, get out here! Dolphins!

Look here.

How's that?

Oh, man. Are there always so many?

No. This is rare. This is good.

- They're so close.

- Yeah.

They love surfing the wake.

Does the boat ever hit them?

Only the dumb ones.

How do you make a woman

make a noise like a dolphin?

- How?

- You stick your willy

just near her bum,

and she goes, "Aa-ah, ah-ah".

That's terrible.

Kate doesn't laugh at that either.

Don't laugh. Not funny.

This is good.

Okay. Ready? Go.

Oh. Ohh.

Want a taste? Try it.

No. I'm good.

Sharkies love it.

Kate's been talking to them

for years in sharkie language,

asking what they're favorite flavor is,

and this, my friend, is it.

Yeah. Blood. That's beautiful.

Chunks. Yeah. If you want,

we can keep the leftovers,

have a romantic candlelit dinner

for two later.

As appealing as that is,

I'll pass, thanks.

Where are the sharks?

I thought they were guaranteed.

Well, sharks

are extremely intelligent,

but they haven't quite

figured out how to RSVP.

But what I did guarantee you were seals.

There you go.

You sure delivered there.

I did. 47,000 of them.

Well, 100K to swim with a seal.

Lucky me.

Nice.

How you like the 5D?

- I like it.

- Can I have a look?

Yeah. Definitely. Here.

I'll just go and get changed.

I've got my eye on it,

but a bit pricey.

Oh, yeah. I know.

You've got a good eye.

Thanks.

Shall I have a go?

S'il vous plat.

Merci.

Oh, did I pay for this?

Right. So I'll take

a thousand pictures, yeah?

I get one in focus,

and ya-da, I'm a photographer.

Is that it?

A bit more complicated than that.

Yeah? You think?

Here you go.

There you are.

Check them out.

Hang on a minute.

How come you get to smoke?

I know the owner.

Give us one, then?

Come on, mate.

- Promise him more.

- Yeah, man.

He's a funny guy.

- Can I say something?

- Yeah.

When you're shooting with backlight,

you need to change some settings.

- Yeah?

- And as for composition, you've got none.

Nice. What do you wanna do?

You wanna score the goal,

or do you want to be the guy who takes

the picture of the guy scoring the goal?

- Save it.

- Live a bit, babe.

This kid, right?

You take him to a hooker,

he'd take photographs of the hooker.

My fault. It's the way I brought them up.

They're all spoiled rotten.

That's what happens when you bring up

kids who don't need to earn a living.

Bullshit. I grew up with no money,

and I'm a photographer.

Yeah? Okay.

Luke, tell the frog prince here

how much money you think

you can actually make...

- What did you just call me?

- from this hobby photography?

- Sorry?

- I didn't hear it.

Hey, hey.

I'm just joking, mate.

Don't start this sh*t with me.

There's no sh*t.

I'm just having a laugh.

Don't talk like that.

It's about respect, okay?

I apologize. Yeah?

I'm just making a stupid joke.

I'm stupid, making a stupid joke.

I don't like your joke.

Wow.

Is he always like that?

This is a good day.

He usually is a ten-out-of-ten prick.

Lucky you.

- Why the tapping?

- They like the sound.

They'll come, and you'll see.

Keep going.

Open ocean,

you, me...

Brings back good memories.

Hmm?

The funny thing about memories is...

you remember the good ones

and forget the shitty.

Yeah?

And there were a lot

of shitty ones, huh?

I think... That pan again?

What, shitty?

No. I mean...

You know what I mean.

You know what I mean.

Where's your ring?

Sorry. I was broke.

Oh, gosh.

Where's your ring?

Incoming!

Incoming.

Bring him back.

How big do you think he is?

About three meters.

- Are you seeing this?

- Yeah, I got him.

Come on, boy!

- Big, man. She's big.

- Look at her mouth!

Wow!

God, she's gorgeous.

- She's beautiful.

- She's a he.

How do you know it's a male?

'Cause I can see claspers

on his anal fins.

Essentially, that's like two penises.

All right!

This isn't the one.

So sharks have really sensitive snouts.

So they can actually

feel your heart rate.

So they sense nervousness.

Wow! Look at those teeth!

She's beautiful.

Look at her fins.

- Let's go!

- Let's do it.

Hey.

No pressure, huh?

If you want,

I can go in the water first,

just to check things out.

I'm good.

It's gonna be fine.

Aren't you scared

they're gonna mistake you for food?

Here you go.

Have fun down there.

Welcome back, my wealthy friends.

Step inside, step inside.

Mind your head on here.

Have hands and feet

in the cage at all times...

in case our friends get curious.

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm fine.

Was it nice?

Shark's gone.

- Up with the cage.

- All right.

Oh, I'm freezing!

That was amazing.

- Hey.

- I got good shots.

- Kate, that was great. Thanks.

- Good.

Okay. Great.

Ah. What happened to that shark?

Well, we just call them in.

Whether or not they stay is up to them.

- Why not feeding them?

- No, we don't feed sharks.

Huh? No sh*t.

That's why they're not hanging around.

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