Dating My Mother Page #2
afford to exist.
Ah, I feel you.
My mom and the librarian
go way back, so...
Yeah, I've been interviewing
for weeks.
The grind is killing me.
Oh. Right. Hence the blazer.
I hate Skype interviews,
they're so awkward.
I'm better in the room,
you know?
Totes.
Uh, hey, I don't think
I have your number anymore.
Oh, yeah, um...
Oh.
[gasps]
[cooing]
Come here! Come here,
come here, come here.
[sneezes]
- [Lisa laughing]
- He's cute.
I don't mind
the Bermuda shorts.
- Hey, Lisa.
- Hey, honey.
What are you guys doing?
We are trying
to find your mother
a proper male escort.
- [Lisa giggling]
- Oh, my God.
She's a stalker.
She's literally found
their addresses.
Mm-hmm. Everything.
Their measurements...
[Danny] I don't doubt it.
[Joan]
Wait. Oh!
Now, he's cute.
He is foxy.
[Lisa]
Look, Joanie.
And he's a CEO.
- How do you know that?
- Hello.
Psychic and LinkedIn.
It's right there.
[Lisa]
Wait. Hold on. Let me just...
Oh, my God.
Is that his Facebook page?
Mm-hmm. And that's his...
wife? No, daughter.
Oh, God. I'm out.
No, honey, stay with us.
Drink with us.
- Hmm.
- Okay.
Mm-hmm. No.
No. One earring does not do it.
Do two or forget it. Next.
No. Bow tie. Go.
- He's cute. He's very cute.
- Hmm.
Oh, send him a message
or a poke or a prick.
[Joan laughs]
What do I say.
I don't know. I feel like
maybe you should just wait
for him to message you.
- [Lisa] Oh, wow!
- Play it cool.
Come on.
What happened
to Wild Lady Gaga Danny?
When did you become
Conservative Danny Duggart?
- [laughing]
- [Danny] I'm just saying.
I feel like straight people
are into gender roles
or whatever.
[Lisa] Well, I'm saying
break that rule,
break and bury
that outdated sexist rule,
and you are a catch,
and you should message him.
He'd be lucky to have you.
Isn't that right, Danny?
I mean, isn't your mom's hole
a total ace?
- Eww!
- [giggling] Lisa!
What? What?
I said she's...
- she's a ace in the hole.
- No.
You didn't say that though.
- That is not what you said.
- No.
- All right.
- Oh!
My hole is an ace.
[laughing]
[Lisa]
Totally.
Oh, God.
[coughs]
Oh, Lord almighty,
I've killed my bestie.
Are you okay?
Drink. Breathe. Breathe.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'm gonna do this.
I'm gonna do it!
Yeah. Hashtag feminism.
Exactly, hashtag feminism.
- I'm too old for this.
- No, you are not too old.
And old is good, by the way.
I love getting old.
The older you get, the less
and less you give a sh*t
about anyone or anything.
- Clearly.
- Mm-hmm.
All right, look at that.
"Nice to meet
your virtual acquaintance."
- Mom!
- What? I haven't met him yet.
You cannot say that.
Come on.
[keyboard clacking]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, you're good.
- It's good.
- I try.
- Yeah.
- [phone dings]
- Oh.
- Oh.
Somebody sexting you?
Come on.
[Lisa] Oh, look at that
little sly smirk.
- Hmm?
- [Joan sighs]
- Uh, is it a fella?
- A fella?
It's no one. He's from LA.
Oh, sorry.
Excuse me, California.
- Is it your ex?
- No.
No. It...
Okay, it's Khris.
- Khris? As in Khris Restrepo?
- Hmm.
But he was just at the party?
How could he be in Los Angeles?
Mom, I was lying.
Is he even gay, honey?
[Lisa]
It doesn't matter anymore?
As long as he has a huge dick?
[all laughing]
Amen.
[Joan]
Oh, my God.
[sighs]
- Lisa's a nutjob.
- [Joan] I know.
I love it.
She's already sent me
three Facebooks today.
- She's like a spy.
- Are you serious?
I think she's enjoying this
more than me even.
I mean, she has been married
to the same man for 30 years.
She's probably pretty bored.
[Joan] I suppose.
So, what are you doing today?
[woman on TV]
Big toes together.
Just a little bit of space
between your heels.
Lower your hips.
Lift your belly.
- Arms high...
- [dogs barking]
And then join your hands...
[barking, growling]
- What's up?
- Sorry!
There you are.
You're writing?
Barely.
I wanted to give
the b*tches some air.
Guess what?
I have a date tonight.
Oh, that's... that's great.
Uh, with the CEO?
Someone else.
That's exciting.
I'm freaking out.
What am I gonna wear?
I feel frumpy.
That's because
you wear loose things.
You gotta keep it tight.
Then he'll see my stomach.
Yeah, whatever.
[sighs]
Here, try this.
I'm so glad you're gay.
You know I don't like that.
- What?
- Stereotypes.
Well, if the heel fits.
I'll let you change.
What?
That was funny.
[TV playing indistinctly]
[sighs]
So?
Holy sh*t, you look
like a MILF.
- Really?
- Uh, like a classy one.
I regret calling you a MILF.
If for some reason I disappear,
his name is Chester Patterson,
and we're meeting at Brenda's,
so you can start
the search there.
Mom, I think if he was going
to murder you,
he'd use, like,
an alias or something.
Oh, my God, you're right.
- Oh, my God.
- You're gonna be fine.
Just go have fun.
Okay. Okay.
This is exciting.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
[door closes]
[sighs]
Uh, so who you buying weed from
in these parts?
Oh, dude, I don't even know.
This is from a homie at school.
I could hook you up
with someone though.
I mean, like,
he's kind of local.
Oh, no, that's okay.
I got into a really bad habit
of smoking, like, once a day.
Maybe twice.
- Three times, max.
- [chuckles]
- But... this is pretty dank.
- [chuckles]
Oh. It's all right.
Yo, where are your dogs?
I can't believe they're just,
like, cooped up in here all day.
I know. Uh, but I got like...
pretty allergic to them
when I went away.
[Khris]
Oh, dude, that sucks.
Yeah, I feel bad, but...
you know,
they're like rabid now.
[laughing]
Oh, man, I love playing
with dogs when I'm high.
Same.
Oh, yo, dude.
This is retro.
Uh, yeah.
Remember playing Battlefront,
like, all the time
in eight grade?
- It was so fire.
- Yeah.
Fire.
[chuckles]
So, "Star Wars" is what made me
wanna make movies
in the first place actually.
It's so cool that
you're doing that.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't know. I mean, hopefully,
one day it will be cool.
I feel like right now
I'm just, like... floundering.
Uh, but you're working
on something?
Yeah, uh, a spec.
It's a script.
Um, but hopefully that
plus the TV job will...
get me into a writer's room.
Yeah, that's sick.
Uh, what's your script about?
Oh, I don't actually like
to, like,
talk about it till I'm done.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
It's fine.
Yeah, it's a gay marriage movie
called "He Said Yes."
It's pretty stupid actually.
Nah, it's nice.
I don't even wanna get married.
Why not?
I don't know. I mean...
is it natural for two people
to wanna be together
for the rest of their life?
Oh, well, I mean,
my parents are still together.
Yours are an exception.
I mean, look, I don't know.
I... I guess I just feel guilty
that I don't wanna get married
now that we, like, can.
We fought so hard for it.
Now, I just feel, like, ambivalent
about the whole situation.
- Word.
- Yeah.
You know, it's really cool
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Dating My Mother" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dating_my_mother_6401>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In