Davy Crockett and the River Pirates Page #5

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Hide this below where

we can get it in a hurry.

- What's so heavy in that sack?

- Rocks.

Rocks? You featherheaded idiot!

I'll find out what's going on here.

- What in thunderation you up to?

- You're a banker, ain't you?

Yes, sir.

King of the bankers, that's me.

On my way up to Shawnee Town

to open a new establishment.

But what's these rocks

got to do with that?

- Can't run a bank without money.

- No. Don't reckon.

That's your capital.

Genuine Spanish gold.

Say.

We're rich, ain't we?

That's what we hope

them pirates will think.

I figure if we stop in a couple of towns,

they'll hear about our rich cargo.

Word'll get up river faster than we can.

Oh, the river is long

And the moon is high

And I want a gal before I die

Pretty little gal

With a turned-up nose

And dancin' music

In her twinkling toes

Oh, her cheeks is pink

And her smile is shy

And her hair's the color of midnight

Midnight sky

Set 'em up again.

Midnight sky

- [applause]

- That banjo player's got real talent.

Oh, yes. He hits this town

every once in a while.

- Plays to drum up business for himself.

- Who is he?

A peddler from back East.

Calls himself Colonel Plug.

I sure do admire classical music.

[Gags]

- What the devil is in this?

- Just your usual sarsaparilla, sir.

Delicious, ain't it?

I don't believe

I got your name, stranger.

J.J. McGillicuddy, on my way to

Shawnee Town to open up a new bank.

I feel it my duty to inform you that

river travel is not safe anymore here.

If you're referring to them pirates,

we ain't carrying nothing they'd want.

No guns, no powder.

Not even no whiskey.

Just a cargo of old Spanish gold.

[String twangs]

A cargo of gold?

I'm surprised that your captain

would risk that.

- Well, you ain't scared any, are you, Cap?

- Not about the gold.

- We'll believe them when we see 'em.

- Those butchers are real.

- Wrecks of boats drift by all the time.

- And their crews?

Dead men don't talk, but bodies

are fished out scalped and in pieces.

No use trying to scare us.

We heard them Indian stories

from New Orleans.

Listen, you know who

Mike Fink is, don't you?

- Who is he?

- Mike Fink, the keelboat man.

Calls himself King of the River.

[George] Oh, that big blowhard.

What about him?

Yeah. What about him?

I've heard that even he's

going to quit the river.

- You heard what?

- Yes, sir.

Even that brained jackass

is too wise to risk it.

Jackass?

[Straining]

[Wood cracking]

Mind your manners, Mr. McGillicuddy.

I'm okay, boys.

Just one of my seizures.

Excuse me, Mr. McGillicuddy.

I couldn't help overhearing.

But do you really intend

going on up river?

You think I'd go this far

if I wasn't?

Well, I admire a man of courage.

Just so happens that I'm mighty anxious

to get to Shawnee Town myself.

- We're pretty crowded already.

- Shucks, I don't take up much room.

All I got is my sample case

and my banjo.

A little music wouldn't hurt none,

would it?

- This ain't no pleasure cruise.

- Listen.

You may be the captain,

but I'm the boss banker of this outfit.

What I say goes.

- Did he get aboard this one?

- Yeah, just went into the cabin.

B-O-N-A-N-Z-A.

- You ever hear of her?

- You know I can't spell.

Well, hello there, fellas.

Say, I got a new verse

I want to try out on Mr. McGillicuddy.

[Whistling]

Something mighty fishy

about that peddler.

Why'd you let Mike

bring him aboard?

'Cause he's the first sucker

that nibbled at our bait.

Hello. Nice day.

- Mighty pretty, this Ohio River country.

- La belle rivire.

That's what the Frenchmen used to call it.

Parlez-vous franais?

Huh?

- You speak French?

- Oh, sure.

[ banjo plays]

I've been saving this song

for a time just like this.

There was a widow

In New Madrid

A'smokin' a pipe

And a'chawin' on a quid

When she puckered up her lips

I run for my life

But she run me down

And now she is my wife

Oh, her lips is red

And her eyes is bold

And her hair's

The color of yeller

Yeller gold

The color of yeller, yeller

[shouting] Yeller gold!

[Soundtrack] The river is long,

And the moon is high

I want a gal

Afore I die

A pretty little gal

With a turned-up nose

And dancin' music

In her twinkling toes

Oh, her lips is red

And her eyes is bold

Her hair's like yeller, yeller

Yeller gold

The color of yeller, yeller

Yeller gold

[loud music and chatter]

[Man laughs]

[ fiddle plays]

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute here.

[Man cackling]

What you doing, Mason?

Smokin' up a new batch?

- Won't keep if I don't.

- You got your mattress stuffed.

- What you want with more scalps?

- Got to keep folks thinkin' we're Injuns.

[Man] Hey, the Harpes is coming.

Did you hear that, Mason?

The Harpes just come in.

Yeah.

- More business for us?

- Yeah, and a fat one this time.

- And the Colonel's aboard.

- Good. What's the cargo?

- Gold.

- Yeller, yeller gold.

Mighty obligin' to ship it our way.

[Chuckles]

This waiting's making me nervous.

Time's getting short.

- That moon was half full last night.

- We still got a few days.

It'll take a few days

to get word back to Chickasaw.

Reckon we ain't got long to wait.

My boys is ready.

Full of fighting and itching to get at 'em.

Not so loud.

Don't want Colonel Plug to hear.

- He's still sleeping.

- Better make sure.

Take over, Mr. McGillicuddy.

This is called a tiller.

[Snoring]

[Laughs]

This is just about the place

they jumped us afore.

I've worn this monkey suit long enough.

[Grunts]

[Chuckling]

Uh...

Rocks. Just plain rocks.

Mike Fink.

Davy Crockett?

Oh, excuse me, boys. I was having

a little difficulty getting to sleep.

I thought you might like to hear

a little music.

It's Crockett and Fink

And down in the hold

There's a cannon instead

[muffled] Of yeller, yeller gold.

That sounded like Plug.

But what's he singing about this time?

What difference does it make now?

He'll be skulling 'em pretty soon.

[Chuckles]

You can't do this to me!

Hey, Davy.

Bring up my cannon when you come.

[Grunts]

If I'd knowed I'd have to tote this thing,

I'd have argued for a pistol.

Hey, Moose.

Come aft and be gunner.

[Wood creaking]

[Groaning sound]

Why'd you slow her down?

Lay them poles!

What do you think we're doing!

[Muffled shouting]

- Mike, we're dragging bottom!

- It's them rocks! Get 'em out!

We're sinking!

We're sinking, Mike!

- Sinking? We're sunk!

- [Whooping]

Grab your pods boys,

and let 'em have it!

You can't do this to me.

I'll have the law on you.

They're attacking us from the rear!

Get the powder!

Come on, fill her up!

I scalped him!

- What's holding them up?

- That boat's putting up a fight.

Get my powder and canoe in the water.

Give me a hand.

Hey! I'm on your side.

[George cackling]

We got 'em on the run!

No wonder, look what's coming.

Somebody's playing awful rough.

That's Sam Mason and the

Harpe brothers. The orneriest skunks.

- They're getting away!

- No, they ain't.

You take the rest of them in.

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