De-Lovely Page #5

-If Mae West you like

Or me undressed you like

l'll give this to you now in case...

Monty has more producers for you to visit.

The set that's smart is intruding on

nudist parties in studios

Anything goes

Anything goes

Anything goes

-By the way, do you want one?

-No, thank you.

-That's beautiful. From Linda?

-Yeah, of course, opening night.

Linda must be keeping Cartier in business

all by herself.

-She does spoil me. l don't deserve it.

-No, you probably don't.

Which reminds me, how's Linda?

She's all right.

A bit more fragile than usual,

but all right. How's Patrick?

There's a doctor in Zurich

who may give us more time.

They don't give you much hope

with tuberculosis.

So sorry.

Does Linda know? She hasn't said anything.

Yeah.

She said, ''We live in castles built on sand.''

l just think that life has been

one great carnival...

and now we're teetering on the high wire.

Yes, but you've got Sara to catch you,

and l have Linda.

Ever wonder who's there to catch them?

When they begin

The beguine

It brings back the sound

Of music so tender

It brings back a night

Of tropical splendor

It brings back a memory

evergreen

I'm with you once more

under the stars

And down by the shore

an orchestra's playing

And even the palms

seem to be swaying

When they begin

the beguine

To live it again

is past all endeavor

Except when that tune

clutches my heart

And there we are

Swearing to love forever

Promising never

Never to part

What moments divine

What rapture serene

Till clouds came along to disperse

the joys we had tasted

And now when I hear people curse

the chance that was wasted

I know but too well

what they mean

So don't let them begin

the beguine

Let the love that was once a fire

remain an ember

Let it sleep like the dead desire

I only remember

When they begin

the beguine

When they begin

the beguine

l am so terribly sorry, darling.

l know how late l must be.

Late?

-Linda, you missed the whole thing.

-l misplaced the cigarette case.

l'd rather have had you.

lt would have been bad luck.

To hell with luck.

This feels very wrong.

l don't like bringing up this whole thing.

lt happened and it was over,

and that was that.

We never brought it up again.

Finished, done.

Done, maybe. Finished?

-l won't have it.

-lt's not your choice.

Anyway, l hope you like it.

Linda, what were you thinking?

You wouldn't have lost it.

l had hoped not.

-What are you talking about?

-Nothing!

Absolutely nothing. Definitively nothing.

Shall we go now?

l would hate to compound the felony

by making us late for the party.

That would be terrible, dreadful.

A tragedy too great to bear.

God, Linda, what's happened?

Nothing, just a small thing. lt's just not like

being late or missing an opening.

A very small thing...

that stopped growing.

My sweet girl, l'm so sorry.

l didn't want to tell you like this.

l just went to the doctor,

he said l should rest, and it got so late.

l'm sorry.

l wanted it so, Cole.

l wanted it for us.

l know.

-l want to take you home now. All right?

-l don't want to go home.

l don't even feel like we have a home.

Then we'll find a new one.

We'll get out of town, we'll travel.

We'll find a new place.

Some place good for you and good for me.

lf everyone's moved to Hollywood,

then we'll go there, too. We'll try it.

We'll make a fresh start.

Let's just get the doctor in tonight,

just to make sure you're all right.

No more doctors.

l already know l'm not all right.

Linda, then it wasn't meant to be, that's all.

So, fine, we'll be all right.

We'll be just fine with what was meant to be.

That's you and that's me.

That's what was meant to be.

l love you, Linda Porter.

l love you so much.

-Okay, darling, don't cheat.

-lt's not in my nature to cheat.

All right, okay.

-All right. Ready?

-l'm ready.

My goodness.

ls it all right?

No, l'd like something a little bigger, please.

lt's Hollywood, darling,

we do things big out here.

This is beautiful. Look at the bow.

Richard!

Let me show you the inside.

All of Metro is proud to have you

as part of our family, Cole.

You said that, L.B.

Thank you, l appreciate it.

l wanted to tell you again,

just to be sure you know.

-We know you'll be happy here.

-l'm already happy.

Swell. That makes me happy, you're happy.

You know who else makes me happy?

lrving Berlin.

Every song lrving Berlin writes, l love.

You know why?

Because his songs sound like

what people who aren't clever...

say to each other when they're in love.

Real love songs.

Not clever love songs.

Could you write real love songs?

When you write funny songs,

l want funny-funny, not clever-funny.

Could you do that for me?

You're stronger if you're not angry.

Tickle their ribs as you slide in the knife.

Try it.

I'll remember forever

when I was but three

Mama, who was clever, remarking to me

If, son, when you're grown up

you want everything nice

I've got your future sewn up

if you take this advice

Be a clown

Be a clown

All the world loves a clown

Act the fool, play the calf

And you'll always have the last laugh

Wear the cap and the bells

And you'll rate with all the great swells

If you become a doctor,

folks'll face you with dread

And if you become a dentist,

they'll be glad when you're dead

You'll get a bigger hand

if you can stand on your head

Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown

-Be a clown

-Be a clown

-All the world

-Loves a clown

-Show 'em tricks

-Tell 'em jokes

And you'll only stop with top folks

Be a crack jackanapes

And they'll imitate you like apes

Why be a great composer

with your rent in arrears?

Why be a major poet

and you'll owe it for years

When crowds will pay to giggle

if you wiggle your ears?

Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown

Be a clown, be a clown

All the world loves a clown

If you just make them roar

Watch your mountebank account soar

Wear a painted mustache

And you're sure to make a big splash

A college education I should never propose

A bachelor's degree

won't even keep you in clothes

But millions you will win

if you can spin on your nose

Be a clown, be a clown, be a clown

-Give 'em quips

-Give 'em quips

-Give 'em fun

-Give 'em fun

And they'll pay to say you're A-one

If you become a farmer,

you've the weather to buck

If you become a gambler,

you'll be stuck with your luck

But, Jack, you'll never lack

if you can quack like a duck

Be a clown

Be a clown

Be a clown

Jesus, though, it was a relief

just to have fun and...

do something trite and not care a damn...

and get paid a hundred times

what you'd be paid for something good.

I love you under my skin

They'll never know the difference.

What's it going to be called?

What's the dreariest title ever?

l bet Coley $5...

that he could never write a song called

I Love You.

Get your money out. l'm telling you,

Louis B. Mayer is going to love this.

He's going to weep.

l need a time of year. A month.

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