Dead of Night Page #8

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is there a Frenchman in the house?

'I am told that one or two

have been seen in Paris lately... '

- Sylvester Kee!

- Well, hello, Beulah.

I haven't seen you for years.

Where've you been?

Oh, back in the States.

I just hit town.

- Well, how's business?

- Mighty fine, honey child, mighty fine.

Hey, you old war horse.

You look terrific.

Just like the lights of Broadway

on a dark night.

Say, Beulah, this guy Frere,

they tell me he's pretty good.

- I'll say he is.

- What's he got that I haven't got?

His dummy.

Don't say you haven't seen him?

Well, what are we waiting for?

Come on, let's go in.

If we had to do this routine in

the Coliseum, the act would be in ruins.

Coliseum? Ruins?

I kill myself sometimes!

Hey, Maxwell, not this one.

Not this one.

Don't be shy, Hugo,

the lady won't bite you.

No, but you know me.

I might bite the lady!

Tell me, my little lotus blossom,

where have I been all your life?

Comment?

Uh-oh, one of the natives.

Didn't I see you working your head off

in the Folies Bergres?

I'm sure I saw her

in the Folies Bergres.

Oh, the lady's face is familiar, is it?

What would I be doing in

the Folies Bergres looking at faces?

Oh, la-la!

Oh, la-la-la-la-lah!

Hey, Maxwell, we don't have

to wake these two up.

Besides, I can read her thoughts.

Read her thoughts?

Why, Hugo, that's clairvoyance.

Clairvoyance?

Oh, good evening, Claire!

Maxwell, we must be a riot.

First of tomorrow night's audience

just came in.

See who I mean,

the dumb looking one?

Why, Hugo, he doesn't look

any more dumb than I do.

Don't ask the impossible!

Hello, stranger.

One of our American friends,

strong, speechless type.

Well, Mr Dumb Cluck,

you as dumb as you look,

or do you cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck,

cock-a-doodle-doo?

- Did you mislay that egg?

- No, Hugo, I didn't do a thing.

Will someone please tell me

what's going on around here?

Hugo, I think we'd better move along.

He's a ventriloquist.

- He doesn't look like a trick cyclist.

- No, no, I said ventriloquist.

What, the chap who makes a voice

come out of a stuffed dummy?

- The way I do out of you?

- That's about it.

Well, well, well...

Is it true what he said?

- I guess so.

- You interest me, my man.

You interest me quite a lot.

We two could make

beautiful music together.

That's fine, Hugo, but how about making

a little music with Frank, eh? Frank!

Maxwell,

I don't think I feel like singing.

Come, come, Hugo.

Mustn't disappoint your public.

Just a bird in a gilded cage, that's me.

Oh, to hell with it!

Oh, come on, now.

Are you ready? One, two, three.

Four, five, six!

Let's sit this one out, shall we?

- Hugo, everybody's waiting.

- My, my, so they are.

Tell you what,

you be the canary tonight.

I'm going to talk to the ventriloquist.

Mind if I join you?

Sure, come on over.

Come on, sour puss.

Sit down.

Now, either of you gentlemen

care for a glass of champagne?

What do you think I am,

a battleship?

Do you know something? I like you.

What's your name?

The name is Kee, Sylvester Kee.

- Sylvester, you may call me Hugo.

- Oh, thanks, Hugo.

- That is my assistant.

- Oh, glad to know you, Mr Frere.

A very uncouth character, I'm afraid.

I say, Sylvester,

how'd you like to work with me?

I'd like it fine, Hugo, but...

- But what?

- Well, how about Mr Frere?

You're sort of teamed up with him,

aren't you?

Him?

My good man, think nothing of it.

I'm just about through

with that cheap ham, anyway.

Ooh!

Temper, temper.

You'll be sorry for this later, you know.

Yes, I suppose I will.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Hugo and I are old friends.

Dear old pals,

Jolly old pals

Exactly. But every now and then,

we have our little disagreements.

You certainly disagree with me.

Would you believe it?

This guy thinks he carries the act.

Well, in one way, maybe he does.

Come, come, Hugo,

we must be going.

Sure, sure. But there won't be

much room in the dressing room.

Not much room? Why not?

I told the waiter to bring up two side-cars

and he brought two motorcycles as well!

Side-cars! Motorcycles!

Well, goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.

Bonsoir, mesdames.

Bonsoir, messieurs.

- Say goodnight, Hugo.

- Goodnight, sleep tight, wake up sober.

Sylvester?

Sylvester! I'll be waiting for you

in my dressing room.

You and I have got to talk business.

In far lands,

where hazy mountains never end...

- Maxwell Frere's dressing room?

- That door, monsieur.

Thank you.

... the hulla, hulla, hulla-loobah

Dreamy tune,

the boys are riding and they croon

Love comes on like a falling star

It's hulla, hulla, hulla-loobah

Saddle your horse

And hulla-loobah-loobah

come across

The hulla-loobah-loobah way

and sing

In hulla-loobah-loobah swing...

- Who is it?

- It's Sylvester Kee.

Come in!

Glad to see you, Sylvester.

Mix yourself a drink

and let's get down to business, eh?

Well, thanks, brother. I will.

But suppose you tell me,

where I can find Mr Frere.

I guess he can't be very far away.

Oh, so you won't talk, eh?

- You want to see me?

- Well, er...

I rather thought I had an invite

from our young friend here.

After all, Mr Frere,

I'm a ventriloquist myself, you know...

Hell, I'm soaking.

- There's a clean towel in here.

- Thanks.

Sorry, but I can't bear

anyone touching him.

Oh, that's all right. Forget it.

Say, I sure liked it

how you pulled that gag.

What gag?

I don't quite follow you.

The one I saw before you came in.

For a moment, I could've sworn

it was the dummy speaking.

And me a pro.

- What did he say?

- No, don't let's start that all over again.

- About you and him?

- Yes, but you know that.

You wouldn't...

- You wouldn't ever do that, would you?

- Do what? I don't get you.

- Do what he was asking.

- Say, are you nuts or something?

How in heck could I team up

with Hugo? He's yours, isn't he?

Yes, that's right, he's mine.

What kind of heel do you think I am

that I'd try to steal another guy's act?

Please don't misunderstand me.

I don't distrust you.

- You don't know what Hugo's capable of.

- Oh, I don't know about that,

I've had a pretty good demonstration.

Say, who runs this act anyway?

This fellow's almost human.

- Did you say "almost"?

- That's right.

As if you've got a mind of your own.

Maxwell, this fellow is as stupid

as you are.

- Perhaps, I better explain my position.

- No, no, no.

Kee, if you don't mind...

I'm rather tired.

Why, sure, I understand.

Ignore him, Sylvester.

Just ignore him.

I'm the one who gives orders

around here...

- Hugo, please...

- Pipe down, you!

- Listen, my friend...

- No! No!

Say, what kind of a routine is this,

anyway?

Go away, will you? Leave us alone.

Go away. Get out of here.

OK, OK, I'm going.

You ought to get your head examined.

Goodnight!

Kee, my friend, don't leave me,

take me with you.

Maxwell, let go of me!

Kee, get me out of here.

Kee! Kee! Kee!

Hey, that guy there's nuts, huh?

But nuts!

Let go your rein,

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