Dead of Night Page #7

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Listen, Larry,

you're a golfer yourself.

You must realise what it means.

I should have nothing left to live for.

Nothing.

You can't be such a skunk!

Perhaps, you're right, old man.

I mustn't lower myself to your level.

Dear old Larry.

I knew you'd see it the right way.

- But you've got to break with Mary.

- And if I do, you'll never haunt me again?

- I'll disappear here and now, forever.

- Ah, it's a deal.

Well, one for the sky.

No, thanks, I've got a date

with St Andrew at four o'clock.

Goodbye, old boy.

Good luck. Hope you win.

Thanks, George. Goodbye.

What's the matter?

Got the passes wrong.

I'd better try again.

- George...

- Yes?

- I've forgotten how to vanish.

- Look here, old man. This is shocking.

I can get as far as this,

then I can't remember what I do next.

You must remember. Don't forget

you've been well and truly laid.

I know I've got to hold my breath

and do this...

- But then I get stuck.

- Well, what about that?

No good? Well, try this...

No good. No good.

Oh, I am sorry.

It is a bit thick, a ghost shouldn't

be allowed to go haunting

until he's properly qualified.

It's all my fault. I should've spent

longer on the materialisation course.

But you would insist

on getting married on Saturday.

- I still intend to get married on Saturday.

- Oh, but you promised.

If you can't keep your side of the bargain,

why should I keep mine?

I see your point.

You realise what it will mean?

- What?

- I'll have to stick to you, everywhere.

- Everywhere?

- Yes.

Always remain within 6 foot of you.

That's the official ruling.

Because a chap becomes a ghost,

it surely doesn't mean that

he ceases to be a gentleman.

Don't worry, old chap, it's sure

to come back to me before Saturday.

Ha! It was unbelievable!

I was on the green in 2, down in 3.

That's how I collected that one.

- Well, fancy that.

- Now this is the Wackerbath cup.

- Yes, dear?

- I beat poor old Larry Potter 7 and 5.

2 and 1...

Flukiest game you ever played!

7 and 5!

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Now this one... it's a long story.

Darling, you can tell me

all about that tomorrow.

Kiss me.

- George!

- Yes, my pet?

You haven't given me one real kiss

since we left the church!

I know, darling, I know.

We've been very busy.

Get on with it. Get on with it, you mug.

That's what you're here for.

Well, we're not busy now, are we?

Gracious, ten already!

Is it, darling? I didn't count!

Well, I think I'll be turning in, darling.

Yes, I think I'll turn in, too.

I'm feeling rather tired.

So am I.

- Six feet, old man.

- Six feet!

I don't wonder...

I'll just go and count the cups.

- Count the cups?

- I always count the cups before bed.

Look here, this is intolerable!

Yes, I quite agree, but what can I do?

Everything's failed.

Have another go.

Try as you've never tried before.

All right, for what it's worth.

Shut your eyes.

It'll help you to concentrate.

OK, here goes.

Oh, of all the caddish tricks.

I can't think what's come over you.

It's entirely your fault.

You can't cheat a ghost.

What the devil are we going to do now?

I shall have to go on trying, that's all.

Don't you see, you blithering idiot?

There may be millions of combinations,

and all you can do is this.

What comes next? Oh!

What are we going to do?

What are we going to do?

Good heavens, he's gone.

And I wasn't looking.

- What's going to happen now?

- Darling!

Oh, darling?

Do I make passes?

Or do I make passes?

Really, Eliot, that story is totally

incredible and decidedly improper.

Sorry, I had to tell it.

I couldn't bear to be left out in the cold.

That wasn't why you told the story.

You did it to try and help me.

You succeeded, where I failed Eliot.

And in a double sense.

Craig, you said

that the horror started

when Eliot told about the death

of a man you'd never heard of.

- Didn't you?

- That's right.

Well, Eliot just described how

his friend Potter committed suicide.

You'd never heard of Potter before,

had you?

No, I hadn't.

- Yet the horror hasn't started, has it?

- No, it hasn't.

There you are, you see.

I'm so glad.

The spell has been broken at last.

Now, I can go and see about dinner

with an easy mind.

- I'll lend a hand, if I may?

- Thank you, that's very kind of you.

Oh, Mr Craig,

now that you've met us,

I'm sure you wouldn't dream

of dreaming about us again.

Come along, my dear.

Apart from my bit of nonsense,

the curious thing is that

all of you, even Sally,

seems to have had one of these

extraordinary experiences.

Perhaps they aren't so extraordinary.

Perhaps they happen to most people.

Oh, you mean there's a ghost as well

as a skeleton in everyone's cupboard?

- That's a pretty thought.

- What's the ghost in your cupboard?

Well...

There was one occasion

in my professional career

that made me wonder.

Made me wonder quite a lot.

'You may remember the case.

'Maxwell Frere, the ventriloquist,

was charged with the attempted murder

'of a man in the same line of business,

Sylvester Kee, an American.

'My friend Maurice Olcott,

who was defending the case,

'wanted my opinion

on the state of his mind.'

Hello, Frere.

This is Dr Van Straaten.

- He's going to help us with the case.

- How do you do, Mr Frere?

I had the pleasure of seeing your

performance last year at the Hague.

- It was most...

- Doctor, eh? A brain specialist?

Psychiatrist.

I thought as much. You want

to psychoanalyse me, don't you?

Want to look inside my brain

and see how the wheels go around.

- Now wait a moment, Frere...

- Dissect me like a guinea pig.

Then show me off to you distinguished

colleagues as an interesting case.

- Well, that's it, isn't it?

- Hardly...

But it's possible that

I may be able to help you

if you are prepared to help me.

Now, I'd like to ask you

a few questions.

You're wasting your time, Doctor.

I'm not mad.

I don't want your help.

Nor yours, either.

- Hugo's the only one who can help me.

- The dummy?

Yes, the police are holding it

as evidence.

Hugo should be here with me.

You see... he's more to blame

for all this, than I am.

What exactly do you mean by that?

You'd like to know, wouldn't you?

Get Hugo back, and perhaps you will.

Perhaps, you'll have a case history that'll

make your complexes stand on end.

Then you can write a big fat book

all about it, eh? Ha-ha!

Does that tempt you, Doctor?

Very well, then. Get Hugo back!

Now you see what I'm up against.

Very interesting.

I'd like to have a talk

with that other fellow, Kee.

I'm afraid that's out of the question.

He's a witness for the prosecution.

Look at his statement.

I'd like to know what you think.

Seems more like your job than mine.

'I knew Maxwell Frere

by reputation

'as an artiste of the highest standing

in his and my profession.

'I first made his acquaintance

about a year ago

'when he was performing at

the Chez Beulah Night Club in Paris.'

'Ladies and gentlemen,

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