Dead of Night Page #6

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like rabbits out of a hat.

I am not accustomed

to solving complex problems

with the careless ease

of your Brains Trust.

Sounds to me as though you're

completely stumped this time.

Joan saw the room in the mirror

as well as Peter.

The witness

I couldn't supply you with.

Very well. You asked for it.

This was a case of crypto-amnesia.

The transmissibility of an illusion by

one person to one or more other persons

who are emotionally cohesive,

is well established.

- Do I make myself clear?

- I'm totally at sea.

You wouldn't like to start again

very slowly, in words of one syllable?

Hamlet was right, Doctor.

There are more things

in heaven and earth

than are dreamed of

in your philosophy.

And my recurring dream isn't just

a meaningless trick of the mind.

It was sent to me as a warning.

A warning against the terror

that's waiting for me in this house.

Well, I'm like Grainger.

I'm going to act on the warning.

I'm going to leave here now,

this instant.

Craig, if you go now,

you'll be making a profound mistake.

You'll be delivering yourself

into the hands of your obsession.

I beg you to stay,

and see it through.

Whatever happens,

if anything happens,

the reality can't be possibly be as bad

as your imagination has painted it.

Why not? I tell you, Doctor, there's

something horrible awaiting for me here.

- Perhaps even death itself.

- Craig!

An hour ago, you asked me

to help you. I think I can.

But only if you want me to,

only if you do what I beg you to do.

While every minute brings

the horror closer? No, Doctor.

I won't submit my will to yours.

I'm going to leave this place now,

before it's too late.

What's your tipple by the way?

Scotch?

No, thanks, I'm going.

I can't face it.

Oh, I'm sorry, my dear fellow.

However, I don't blame you a bit.

Oh, yes, you do. You despise me.

You think I'm a contemptible coward.

Nothing of the kind, honestly.

I'm sorry because a fellow would like

to rally round, lend a helping hand.

- Nobody can help me.

- Tell you what, have one for the road.

- Well...

- Matter of fact, I know just how you feel.

Jolly unpleasant, when you come

slap up against the supernatural.

I still get a shiver when I think of what

happened to a couple of friends of mine.

Ghastly business.

'It was when I was staying

at my golf club at Wittlesham.

'The stars of the club were

George Parratt and Larry Potter.

'Nothing could keep them

from their game.

'They were both pretty good,

and they were deadly rivals,

'but only on the links.

'In all other respects, they were

the best of friends, until... '

'Mary seemed to look on them

with equal favour,

'and the result, of course,

was complete deadlock.'

We can't go on like this, old man.

She's ruining my game.

Mine, too.

Every time I take a stroke,

I see her wretched face.

I keep on hearing her tiresome voice,

just as I'm swinging.

- They'll be raising our handicaps soon.

- Yeah...

She must choose one of us.

But there's nothing to choose.

We're both as good as Bobby Jones.

Very nearly.

Wish you were dead, old man.

It'd be just as good, if you were.

- George, I've got it!

- What?

- We'll play for her.

- Tomorrow morning. 18 holes.

- Match play.

- Loser to vanish from the scene.

- Forever.

- Put it there, old man.

Of course!

Why didn't we think of it sooner?

'It was a terrific game.

They halved the first four holes.

'Then Parratt sliced his drive

and Potter took the lead.

'But at the long 13th,

Parratt got a wonderful four,

'and after that,

it was ding-dong all the way.

'Parratt - Potter. Potter - Parratt.

'When they reached the last hole,

they were square once more.

'This hole for Mary Lee... '

- How many, old man?

- Three.

- And you?

- Two.

- Two?

- Yes. Didn't you see my spoon shot?

- Oh, beautiful shot, wasn't it, Smithers?

- Ooh, a lovely shot, sir.

But nobody's ever reached

this green in two before.

- I don't believe it's possible.

- There it is.

- No mistake, is there, Smithers?

- No, sir. Quite right, sir. Only 2 strokes.

Hmm... Seems as if I've got

my work cut out then.

Ho-ho! Jolly good putt, old man.

Well, here's for it...

Well, that's that!

- Grand finish and grand game.

- An almost incredible finish.

'With Mary in the bag,

'Parratt realised it was time to turn

his mind once more to serious things.

'He hadn't touched his clubs

since the Potter tragedy,

'and he needed practice.

'I offered to give him a game.

'I soon found to my cost

he was playing better than ever.

'Life obviously seemed

very good to him.

'And then...

we reached the lake.'

'Good morning, George, old man.

'Still cheating?

'Oh, yes, it's me all right.

'I've returned from my watery grave

to haunt you.

'Cheat!

'Cad! Twister!

'Worm! Skunk! Rat!

'Rabbit!

'Ho-ho-ho!

'Oh, I'll teach you

that crime doesn't pay.

'Unconditional surrender, old man.

Those are my terms.

'May the Lord have mercy

on your handicap.

'Ouch! '

- I say, Eliot...

- Yes, old man?

- Do you believe in ghosts?

- Ghosts?

- Good Lord, no.

- Neither do I.

'That was only the beginning.

'For this poor, stricken, shadow of a man,

there was only one relief.'

Another whiskey, Fred. A large one.

Make it two.

Heavens!

I thought you were dead.

So I am, old man,

as dead as a stymie.

- Two large whiskeys, Fred.

- A quadruple, sir?

No, no, no. Separate glasses,

of course. One for him.

Fred can't see me or hear me.

Nobody else can either.

It's only you I'm haunting.

Well, it's time you gave

somebody else a turn. I've had it.

Not bad, am I, for a beginner?

George Parratt, handicap 18!

- I think it's perfectly despicable.

- Not as despicable as cheating at golf.

- You haven't a vestige of proof.

- It's on the record.

- What record?

- The recording angel's record.

- It shows there you took 5 for the 18th.

- Five shillings, please, sir.

Recording angel! He can't count.

Listen, you're going too far,

it was bad enough on the links.

Don't expect me to stop there.

All that invisible stuff was elementary.

Any rabbit could do it.

A ghost must better himself.

You're going to hang around me

for the rest of my life?

I most certainly am.

Unless of course, you care to lay me.

- How? -

- First of all, you must give up Mary.

Give up Mary? Certainly not!

I'll not have a fine young girl like that

married to a cheat and a liar.

I suppose I've got it coming to me.

It'll break my heart of course.

Listen, if you promise to let me alone,

I'll step out of Mary's life.

Well, that's my first condition.

The second is...

- You'll have to give up golf.

- Give up golf?

- Never!

- Don't you realise what you've done?

You've disgraced this club,

besmirched the greatest of all games,

dragged the name of St Andrew

in the dust.

Heavens, man, you should be

drummed out of the Royal & Ancient.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, I admit all of this.

I'm a cad, a rat and a worm.

I agree with everything you've called me.

But you can't punish me like this.

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