Deadpool

OVER BLACK. Low volume, through a tinny speaker, JUICENEWTON’S ‘ANGEL OF THE MORNING.’

FADE UP ON:

1 EXT./INT. TAXI CAB - MORNING 1

DEADPOOL, in full DRESS REDS and MASK, quietly FIDGETS in theBACK SEAT of a TAXI CAB as it proceeds along a CITY FREEWAY.

Deadpool adjusts the two KATANAS strapped to his back. Rolls

the WINDOWS up, down, up. Tries futilely to untwist theseatbelt, then LUNGES forward, locking it up. Rifles througha tourist booklet and tears out a HAUNTED SEGWAY TOUR coupon.

The CABBIE, young, thin, brown, glances back and forth fromthe rear view to the road to the rear view.

DEADPOOL:

Kinda lonesome back here.

CUT TO:
DEADPOOL, WEDGING himself through the openingbetween the back seat and front. His two katanas don’t

cooperate, catching on the Plexiglas, stalling him mid-torso.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Little help?

The cabbie grabs Deadpool’s hand and pulls him through to thefront. Deadpool’s head rests upside down on the bench seatas he maneuvers his legs through. The cabbie turns the

helping hand into a HANDSHAKE, then turns down the Juice.

CABBIE:

Dopinder.

DEADPOOL:

(still upside-down)

Pool. Deadpool.

Dopinder is remarkably UNAFFECTED by the lunatic in his cab.

DOPINDER:

Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?

DEADPOOL:

It’s like Christmas Day, Dopinder. Been

waiting one thousand eight hundred twenty-

two days, three hours...

(checks ‘Adventure Time’watch)

...and thirty-six minutes for this sh*t.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 2.

1 CONTINUED:
1

DEADPOOL turns himself RIGHT-SIDE-UP in the front seat. He

is YOKED to the gills and ARMED to the teeth. TWIN KATANAS.

TWIN DESERT EAGLE .50 CALIBER PISTOLS.

Deadpool grabs Dopinder’s OPEN BAG of CORN NUTS. Dopinderisn’t quick enough to stop him. Deadpool gazes out thewindow onto the city - a teeming, sooty urban sprawl thatlooks almost... pre-post-apocalyptic.

Deadpool turns up his MASK. Dopinder catches a GLIMPSE ofthe bottom of a SCARRED face. And quickly looks AWAY.

Deadpool eats the CORN NUTS. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. Points.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Nice.

Dopinder eyes his DAFFODIL DAYDREAM AIR FRESHENER and takes adeep breath through his nose.

DOPINDER:

Smells good, no?

DEADPOOL:

Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.

A PICTURE of a young INDIAN WOMAN is taped to the dash.

DOPINDER:

Ah yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She

was supposed to make me a very agreeablewife. Mom and Dad chose her rather

excellently. But Gita’s heart has been

stolen by my cousin Bandhu. Bandhu is as

dishonorable as he is attractive.

DEADPOOL:

Dopinder, I’m starting to think I’m inthis cab for a reason.

DOPINDER:

Because you hailed it?

DEADPOOL:

No, my slender brown friend... to giveyou one crucial piece of advice: Love...

is a beautiful thing. When it finds you,

the whole world smells like Daffodil

Daydream.

Deadpool’s own heartbreak is palpable. He takes another

deep, cleansing BREATH.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 3.

1 CONTINUED:
(2) 1

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

So hold onto love tight. Go at Bandhu

hard. Get Gita back. Or else... the

whole world will taste like Mama June

after hot yoga.

DOPINDER:

And how does Ms. Mama June taste?

DEADPOOL:

Like two hobos making love under adrizzle of Limburger- I could go all daylike this. Point is, bad.

Deadpool chucks the bag of Corn Nuts into the back seat and

pulls out his PISTOLS. He starts CHAMBERING shells into two

magazines.

Suddenly, he frantically pats himself down, like a Hollywoodagent who can’t find his phone.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Shiiiit. My extra mags! I usually leavethem right by the door so I’ll trip overthem! Someone must’ve moved them...

2 INT. DEADPOOL’S LAIR - DAY 2

A blind late-70’s AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMAN in a purple floraldress enters the front door, falls as she trips over an ‘I*HEART* HELLO KITTY’ DUFFEL BAG of AMMUNITION, PICKS it UP,

and CARRIES it OFF.

3 INT./EXT. TAXI CAB - MORNING 3

DOPINDER:

Shall we turn back?

DEADPOOL:

No time. Not today.

(slides in last bullets)

Ten, eleven, twelve... or bust.

(chambers a shell into eachgun, looks up)

Right here!

The cab SCREECHES to a stop on the shoulder of the highest

FREEWAY in a massive INTERCHANGE of freeways. Dopinder haltsthe meter and hands Deadpool his CARD.

DOPINDER:

My card. That’s $27.50.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 4.

3 CONTINUED:
3

DEADPOOL:

Oooo. I never carry a wallet when I'm

working. Ruins the lines of my suit.

How 'bout a crisp high five?

Dopinder stares as he and Deadpool slap skin. Deadpool GETSOUT of the cab.

DOPINDER:

Be sure to... ask for me again?

DEADPOOL:

I owe you one. Merry Christmas,

Dopinder.

DOPINDER:

And a convivial... Tuesday in April to

you, Pool... Guy.

Deadpool closes the door with a flourish. Boom.

4 EXT./INT. ‘THE RAFT’ PRISON - MORNING 4

A bone-white ISLAND PRISON, affectionately nicknamed ‘TheRaft,’ looms ominously in a CITY HARBOR.

Etched in helvetica into the prison wall: ‘No punishment hasever possessed enough power of deterrence to prevent thecommission of crimes.’ - Hannah Arendt. Below it, GRAFFITIED

in RED SPRAY PAINT: ‘Until NOW’

The prison’s FRONT DOORS OPEN, and out steps a handcuffedPRISONER, 30’s, ORANGE JUMPSUIT, broad shoulders, whip-smart,

tightly coiled, with cool, dead-blue eyes. BURLY GUARDS

guide him across a CAUSEWAY toward a CONVOY of Escalades andDucatis on shore.

The middle Escalade’s door opens. The prisoner stops. The

guards unlock his CUFFS.

GUARD:

You’re someone else’s problem now.

The ex-prisoner STRETCHES his arms and strides TOWARD the

convoy.

PRISONER:

Yes. I. Am.

CUE SALT & PEPA’S ‘SHOOP:’

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 5.

5 EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 5

DEADPOOL sits on the edge of the highest freeway on theoverpass, legs dangling over the side like Huck Finn.

DEADPOOL:

Can I get some fries with that shake-

shake boobie? If looks could kill you

would be an uzi.

Deadpool is using some broken CRAYONS to draw something on ascrap of paper. REVERSE ANGLE to REVEAL a childish drawingof Deadpool SHOOTING another man in the head, brains blowing

out.

The victim’s thought bubble reads: ‘OUCHIE!!!’ Even throughthe mask, Deadpool looks pleased by this.

He turns to CAMERA:

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Oh, hello, Deadpool here. You may be

wondering whose balls I had to fondle to

get my own movie. Rhymes with

‘Polverine.’ Couple’a smooth criminals.

(ALT:
)

In a word, gorgeous.

(ALT:
)

Surprisingly little hair down there.

(ALT:
)

It’s a jungle down there.

(ALT:
)

Thick underbrush.

(beat)

Anyway, I smell Oscar. The suit’s gonna

match the carpet. Now... places to be...

faces to fix... bad guys to kill...

ANGLE ON a distant BIRD’S EYE VIEW of the freewayinterchange: an interwoven tangle of ramps.

6 EXT. REMOTE AIRFIELD - MORNING 6

AJAX, 30’s, dead-blue eyes, broad shoulders, whip-smart,

tightly coiled stands at ease on a cracked and blistered

tarmac. Behind him, a HEAVILY ARMED CONVOY OF DUCATIS and

ESCALADES. FOUR LARGE ALUMINUM CARGO CRATES sit beside him.

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