Deadpool Page #2

Ajax squints into the sun as A BELL HELICOPTER thrashes the

air above him, kicking up dust as it lands.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 6.

6 CONTINUED:
6

A SERBIAN WARLORD, mid-50’s, sharply dressed, armoredBRIEFCASE in hand, climbs out. He is surrounded by ARMEDGUARDS.

The Warlord places the BRIEFCASE on the FOREMOST CRATE. Ajaxpops the case... to find STACKS upon STACKS of THOUSANDDOLLAR BILLS. Satisfied, he closes the briefcase and hands

it to one of his men.

AJAX:

(bangs crate)

They won’t disappoint.

WARLORD:

They’d better not. And next month’s

shipment?

AJAX:

There won’t be one. Demand is high. You

aren’t the only one with a war to win.

WARLORD:

(steps forward)

That won’t do.

Both sets of armed thugs shift to ready positions.

Ajax smiles calmly, but his free hand DARTS OUT and CASUALLYLIFTS the warlord into the air by the THROAT. Fingers findtriggers on both sides.

AJAX:

There’s been a small... disruption in oursupply chain. We’ll deliver in full the

following month. Say, ten percent offfor the inconvenience?

The Warlord manages to nod in acquiescence. Ajax smilesagain, lowers him gasping to the ground.

AJAX (CONT’D)

We appreciate your business.

Ajax spins and walks purposefully toward the line of waitingSUV’s.

The warlord angrily motions for his men to begin loading thecrates into the helicopter, which they do.

WARLORD:

(sotto voce)

F***ing mutant.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 7.

6 CONTINUED:
(2) 6

Behind him the convoy of SUV’s and motorcycles pull out,

falling into line as they accelerate past the rows ofderelict aircraft.

7 EXT. FREEWAY OVERPASS - DAY 7

DEADPOOL watches as the convoy approaches. He CASUALLY getsup as if standing up out of an easy chair...

DEADPOOL:

On your mark, get set, go, let me go, let

me shoop...

He PIROUETTES, and DROPS an entire level DOWN...

8 INT. ESCALADE - MORNING 8

THROUGH the SUNROOF of an ESCALADE. SMASH!

There are FOUR HUGE BAD-ASSES inside the S.U.V., two in

front, two behind. Deadpool lands back-middle in a HAILSTORMof GLASS. He stuns the men to both sides with elbows to the

face as he raises his arms in greeting.

DEADPOOL:

¡Hola! ¡Me llamo Piscina De La Muerte!

(subtitled, in YELLOW:)

Hello! My name is the Pool of Death.

There’s no easy way to say this. I’m

pregnant, Trevor.

(ALT:
)

Any of you seen Green Lantern? Me

neither.

BOOM! MAYHEM ERUPTS as the two men in back find themselves

sharing a phone booth with the TASMANIAN DEVIL: ELBOWS.

FOREARMS. KNEES. CRACKING. CRUNCHING. SCREAMING.

From BEHIND, the Escalade BUCKS and BOUNCES down the road on

its suspension, almost CARTOON-LIKE.

A brutal punch spins Deadpool UPSIDE-DOWN, and he rolls withit, uses his FEET to BREAK the man’s NECK. The other man

stomps on his head, then drags him up and SMUSHES Deadpool’sface into the seat’s premium trim.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Rich... Corinthian... Leather.

Deadpool HURLS the man through THROUGH the TAILGATE WINDOW.

The man clutches the TAILGATE, DRAGGED behind the S.U.V.

Deadpool sticks his head between the two guys in FRONT.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 8.

8 CONTINUED:
8

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Scuse, por favor!

The DRIVER SLAMS Deadpool’s head into the console repeatedly.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Deadpool squirms away and WRESTLES VIOLENTLY with the guy inthe PASSENGER SEAT.

He GRABS the PASSENGER SEAT-BELT, TIES it around the guy’sANKLE, and KICKS him out the PASSENGER SIDE DOOR. The guy’sHEAD and SHOULDERS SMACK pavement, where he’s DRAGGEDmercilessly by his ANKLE - a modern COWBOY whose boot justgot stuck in his horse’s STIRRUP.

Deadpool grabs the driver by the HAIR on the BACK of his HEADand BANGS his FOREHEAD into:

The horn. HONK. HONK. The stereo. Every time the driver’sforehead SMACKS the face of the stereo, the RADIO STATION

CHANGES:

MARIACHI. DR. DREW. MONSTER TRUCK COMMERCIAL (’SUNDAY,

SUNDAY, SUNDAY!’). One more SMACK to get us back toMARIACHI.

Deadpool looks in the REAR VIEW MIRROR to see the man in backCRAWL up the tailgate.

Deadpool PUSHES in the Cadillac’s CIGARETTE LIGHTER.

Back to the DRIVER. Deadpool BASHES his face into theDRIVER’s SIDE WINDOW. THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

We’re now OUTSIDE the Escalade, seeing the driver’sexpression take on a ridiculous silly-putty-esque grimace ofpain every time it’s MUSHED into the glass.

The man in back scrambles forward. The CIGARETTE LIGHTER

POPS OUT. Deadpool YANKS the EMERGENCY BRAKE. The man in

back LAUNCHES forward and SMACKS the DASHBOARD.

Deadpool STABS the now ORANGE-HOT lighter into the man’sforehead, burning the COIL PATTERN into his skin. The man

SCREAMS.

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Loved your work in Daredevil.

Deadpool stuffs the lighter INTO the man’s mouth and CLAMPShis hand over it.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 9.

8 CONTINUED:
(2) 8

The man hollers in muffled agony. A MOTORCYCLE has pulledAHEAD of the ESCALADE and now sits, STOPPED, in its path.

The helmeted RIDER OPENS FIRE with a SUB-MACHINE GUN.

Deadpool has one hand grasped on the back of the driver’sneck, still mashing his face into the window glass, and theOTHER hand still clamped over the second man’s mouth. He

plants both FEET on the steering wheel and ‘drives,’ spinningthe wheel, sending the S.U.V. into...

...a ROLL. The Escalade goes ENDO, SOMERSAULTING WILDLY.

Suddenly, the ACTION BEGINS TO SLOW...

The motorcycle RIDER tries to bail out. NO LUCK. The

tumbling Escalade PLOWS RIGHT INTO him AND his bike.

Parts scatter off the motorcycle, including its CHAIN. The

RIDER continues to SQUEEZE off ROUNDS as he goes FLYING.

Inside the Escalade, Deadpool goes SPIN-CYCLE. The DRIVER

flies through the sunroof, tearing out its remaining glass.

BLOOD spatters. The other man spits out the glowingCIGARETTE LIGHTER. The guy whose ankle is still tangled inthe seat-belt FLAILS through the air like a rag-doll, AHABtied to MOBY DICK.

The action CONTINUES to SLOW... until it FREEZES.

The camera swoops in to Deadpool’s face, upside down.

HE TURNS HIS HEAD TO CAMERA FOR THE FIRST TIME, BREAKING THE

FOURTH WALL, THE ONLY THING IN THE SCENE THAT’S MOVING:

DEADPOOL (CONT’D)

Sh*t. Did I leave the stove on?

We RAMP back UP to FULL SPEED. The S.U.V. CARTWHEELS. The

guy’s ankle untangles from the seat-belt. He FLIES hightoward a big HIGHWAY EXIT SIGN and... SPLAT... out of frame.

The RIDER’s NECK is SLICED by the flying MOTORCYCLE CHAIN.

The DRIVER is half-way out the SUNROOF when the S.U.V. rollsover him. SQUISH.

The man who ate the CIGARETTE LIGHTER now eats pavement.

VX8 EXT. X-MANSION - DAY VX8

A sign reads ‘PROFESSOR XAVIER’S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED

YOUNGSTERS.

(CONTINUED)

Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 10.

VX8 CONTINUED:
VX8

REPORTER (O.S.)

Breaking news. A multicar collision

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote