Deadpool 2 Page #2

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An ocean is water.

More importantly, I liked her.

I really liked her, you know?

George Michael was right.

I'm never

gonna dance again. F***!

He's dead, too.

At least we still have Bowie.

Yeah. We still have Bowie.

I'm sorry.

Shot after shot,

it's not gonna change the fact

that I think you're...

Are you pissing? Are you

urinating right now?

You're making the face that

you make when you urinate.

- Is he pissing?

- I'm on it!

There you go, Dopinder.

If you want to be

a contract killer...

you gotta handle a mop

before you handle a gun.

Although I don't

quite understand

how they are at all similar.

Well, they both have handles.

Now, leave me.

Go home, Wade.

I don't have a home,

Weas, you know. I got a...

F***! Okay, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

You know what "fine"

stands for, Wade?

F***ed up, insecure,

needy, and emotional.

According to the...

- Kubler-Ross.

- Yeah.

According to

the Kubler-Ross model...

denial is just one of

the five stages of grief.

Jesus Christ, Buck!

No more speaking lines for you.

"I'm thinking it over!"

Motherfuck!

F***!

The hell you doin' here?

Don't you know how to knock?

I thought you saw me...

with your ears.

You're lucky I didn't

shoot you in the...

The wall?

The refrigerator?

I'm in so much pain.

I heard the news, sweetie.

I'm very sorry. I am.

What am I gonna do, Al?

Probably something terrible.

Knowing you.

It was my fault.

I f***ing did this.

And all I wanna do

is grab her and see her

and tell her that I'm sorry,

and I can't.

She's gone.

Sweetheart, can you speak up?

It's a little hard to hear you

with that pity dick

in your mouth.

Now, look, sugar.

You need to just keep living.

Thank you...

Matthew McConaughey,

your words are a treasure.

Listen to the pain.

It's both history teacher

and fortune teller.

Pain teaches us

who we are, Wade.

Sometimes, it's so bad,

we feel like we're dying.

But we can't really live till

we've died a little, can we?

Wade?

- Wade?

- I'm right here, Althea.

And that is

the most beautiful thing

I've ever heard.

You're absolutely right.

I'm about to do

something terrible.

There. All caught up.

You can't really live

until you've died a little.

Let's test that theory,

shall we?

Baby factory's open

for business.

Your crazy matches my crazy.

I will never, ever

let our child be named Todd.

Skee-Ball token.

Happy International Women's Day.

Listen,

I've been thinking a lot.

Really?

About why

we're so good together.

I love you, Wade Wilson.

Ness?

Ness?

Ness.

Ness, there's something here.

I can't get to you.

Your heart's not

in the right place.

Wait, hold on. What?

Your heart's not

in the right place.

Wait. What do you mean

my heart's not in the right

place? What does it...

I'm terribly sorry

for your loss, Wade.

You're broken.

Oh, God. I know that voice.

"Heart's in the right place."

"Heart's in the right..."

What does that mean?

You've been sleep

for three days.

I took the liberty

of dressing you.

No sh*t.

Why can't I f***ing die?

Take your mask off, Wade.

We must talk.

You need fresh start.

With training, you can be X-Man.

You're wasting your time,

Shiny Jesus.

I'm not X-Man material.

Understatement of the year.

Wade, Yukio.

Yukio, Wade.

What in the f*** knuckles

is this?

She's my girlfriend,

you intolerant sh*t.

Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,

Fox & Friends.

I'm just surprised

anyone would date you.

Especially Pinkie Pie

from My Little Pony.

I like this guy.

Give him a chance.

It's great seeing you like this.

Yeah.

Bye, Wade!

Now, some ground rules

while under our roof.

"Rule number one. No killing...

"anyone ever, no matter how bad.

"Rule two. Label everything

in refrigerator."

Wade?

Wade?

Wade!

Don't try to chase me.

I'm not ready

to be touched again.

All these elderly white men

on the walls...

Should have brought

my rape whistle.

Hi.

Those were already damaged

after they fell there!

What am I supposed

to do around here, anyway?

Sit in a share circle,

talk about my feelings?

And how would I do that exactly?

'Cause where the f***

is everyone?

It's always just you

and Negasonic Teenage

Longest Name Ever...

Enough!

I said no touching!

What the f***?

You'd think the studio

would throw us a bone.

They can't just dust off

one of the famous X-Men?

How 'bout that putz

with the giant pigeon wings?

What do those do anyway, huh?

Carry him

three feet off the ground

to snatch up

the nearest muffin crumb?

No, no, no!

I am not X-Man material at all.

First off...

I'm not even a virgin.

Second and more...

I should have left you

in the self-pitying mess

I found you in.

But this is what friends do.

They show up!

Not when convenient or easy.

When hard,

and you always make it hard.

You are unwell.

I'm sticking my neck out

bringing you here.

Wait. One of the a**holes

who killed Vanessa got away.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Wade, whoever they are...

we track them down

and bring them to justice.

It was me.

I'm the a**hole who got away.

I killed every last one

of them, except me.

Couldn't kill me.

We were gonna start a family.

We were, uh...

We were gonna be a family.

Wade...

Vanessa is gone.

She's not coming back.

This may not be

family you want...

but it's family you need.

You have a good heart.

It belongs here

where it can grow.

What did you say?

About my heart?

I think I'm in the right place.

Wade.

Wade!

Hey, I was just taking Cerebro

for a spin here...

looking deep into the future.

Phew. This thing...

- That's not how Cerebro works.

- That's not how Cerebro works.

Yes. Yes, it is.

- We have mission.

- We have mission.

We do. You do.

You guys be safe out there.

- No, I want you to join.

- No, you want me to join.

I'm sorry, what?

You are ready.

That's a terrible idea,

and it's gonna end badly.

You wanna know how I know?

I'll give you a hint.

It's on my head

and smells like Patrick Stewart.

Be at the X-Jet in five.

Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.

Live here

at a breaking news situation

at the Essex House

for Mutant Rehabilitation.

A mutant boy

is appearing to have

some sort of an incident...

- with police here behind me.

- Get away from me!

There are two police vehicles

that are overturned.

- There are open fires.

- F*** off! Stay back!

A scene of absolute chaos here.

Calm down.

I'll burn you! You stay back!

Get away from me!

You wanna f***ing die?

And it appears as if the X-Men

are arriving...

Scatter!

With what appears

to be a trainee.

Everyone, calm down!

The pros are here. I...

We're the X-Men!

A dated metaphor for racism

in the '60s.

So, respect.

At ease, Officer.

What are you doing?

My job!

You're the one who said

I was ready,

and I frankly disagreed

with you.

But here we are, trying to

overcome our differences.

Like Beyonce says, "Please...

"Please, stop cheating on me."

Hey!

This is the fifth incident.

This kid needs to be

in the Ice Box, not here.

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