Dean Page #4

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I'll just write it out,

20th century style.

Tiny, little pad.

Yeah, for just little drawings

or phone numbers.

It's, like, a mini pad...

- As opposed to a maxi pad.

- That was good, right?

- That was good.

Is this the way

back to my hotel?

I don't know. Is it?

So where are we?

This is my place.

- Oh.

- Look, I know you want to

come up and everything,

but you can't.

I'm sorry.

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry if I gave you

that impression.

Yeah, I have a boyfriend, so...

- Yeah, I know, the vampire.

- Shh.

Look, what you think

is gonna happen right now

is not gonna happen

right now unless...

You can keep a secret.

I'm not good at keeping secrets.

Ow.

That really hurt.

Don't pretend you didn't

f***ing love that.

I'm not pretending.

Come here.

Look at me.

Oh, my god, not like that.

Don't look at me like that.

Okay, hey, Becca,

you're scaring me.

I know.

I'm scaring myself.

But you can't look at me

like that, okay?

You don't get to

look at me like that.

Okay, but you're

hurting my neck.

Oh, my god, it's part of it.

- Ow.

- You got to go, okay?

You just got to go.

Yeah, I should get back.

Yeah.

You need to leave.

- Oh. Can I get a ride?

- Get out of my car.

- No, you can't get a ride.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- After that you want a ride?

Okay, good seeing you.

- Good night.

- Carol?

- Hey.

Oh, hi.

I thought I was

in the wrong house.

Is it okay?

Has everyone left?

Uh, yeah, yeah, all gone.

Coast is clear.

How did we do?

Did any... we did okay?

Yeah, we do have

two very serious

- potential buyers.

- Wow.

Yeah, I think your home is gonna

sell a lot faster than I thought.

- Wow. Great.

- Yeah.

Well, it'll be thanks to you.

Where do you find

all this stuff?

It's, like, do you...

Do you and Patrick travel a lot?

- Patrick?

- Your husband.

No, um, he is not my husband.

- He's my colleague.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- You thought, uh...

- I assume everyone's married.

- No. No, no, no, no, no.

- If they're together...

- Stupid. Sorry.

- Um, no.

No, it's...

No, it's fine.

Um, well, let's see

if we got any more,

uh, potential bidders.

Wait, wait, wait, what was that?

- That looked like you.

- Uh, you don't want to...

That's embarrassing.

- What is that?

- My charming sister

decided to create an online

dating profile for me,

and I spent, um,

much of yesterday

trying to take a usable photo

to throw myself

at strangers online.

I'm just curious.

"I like listening to jazz..."

oh, sophisticated.

"Taking long walks..."

Forests, one of

your interests is "forests"?

- I've... well, I like...

- You're interested in forests?

Well, I like nature and trees

and, like, being out in nature.

Oh, I see. Yeah, of course.

Well, sure.

- Does that sound weird?

- No, I-i just don't...

- Should I just have said trees?

- No, no, forests... I see.

I just did... you...

The wording.

You don't want to attract, like,

a lumberjack or a hermit or a...

A lumberjack

who's online dating?

I don't think I have

to worry about that.

If you said, "I like

taking long, shady walks,"

- that implies forests.

- That sounds threatening,

like I'm a mugger or something.

I think I'm gonna

sell your house

and leave the online dating

to someone else.

I'm sorry.

Let me see if we got you

any more offers or...

- Okay.

- Interests or calls.

Look, it was a free trip,

so I sat through one meeting.

Exactly, free day in L.A.

You've got me as your guide.

We're gonna do some cool sh*t.

I got some plans.

Cool.

Have you had smoothie king?

Huh?

- It's funny. It's always a king.

- What?

You know, smoothie king,

burger king, mattress king.

If you're selling something,

it has to be a king.

Smoothie Duke?

Nope.

Burger prime minister?

You can't do it.

What about dairy queen?

That works.

Yeah, okay, that's one.

Hold up.

I left my phone in the car.

- So?

- I want to get my phone.

Yeah, we're going in here for,

like, ten minutes.

Yeah, I want to get my phone.

I need it.

- Great, great, let's do that.

- Thank you.

Heads up.

Thanks, a**hole.

Would it kill you to be present

for, like, 30 seconds?

Uh-huh.

Oh, there she is, coming back.

Oh, f***.

Waiting for party girl to call?

No.

It's not gonna happen, man.

You screwed up.

- She'll call me.

- No, she won't.

Shithead.

You gave her your number

instead of getting her number,

so now she has all the power,

she gets to mess with your head

- instead of you messing with her.

- Yeah, right.

- Uh-huh.

- Right?

You're leaving tomorrow anyway,

so who gives a sh*t?

You leave tomorrow anyways,

so let's just put her aside.

You and me, tonight, we go out,

and I show you what

you've missed in Brooklyn.

What's that, bar, club?

- A club, yes.

I can't, man.

I got plans.

- Doing what?

- I'm supposed to be...

Hi.

Bye.

I like that shirt.

It's really brave.

Brave?

What does that mean?

Well, I mean, it's just not the

most flattering shirt on you,

but I think it's really cool

that you don't care

about that kind of thing.

It's awesome.

Yeah, it gives you

bigger hips, a little bit.

He's kidding. He's joking.

A joke.

- Shut up.

Wow.

Yeah. Okay.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Really good.

- Cool.

- Yeah.

Your hair looks a little weird.

Excuse me?

- Excuse me?

- My...

Has anybody ever told you that

you look very attracted to me?

No, not yet.

Well, they have now.

Just did.

- Yeah, you did.

- Cheers.

- Oh, cheers, yeah.

- Cheers.

What are you guys

doing after this?

Um, I don't think...

I don't know.

- After party at our place?

- Who are you doing after this?

- Who are you doing after this?

- What?

Nothing.

Listen, I just want

to apologize again for...

What?

- You know, the ladies.

- Oh, shut up. You're fine.

You're in a funk right now.

I get it, you know?

- I've been there. I can spot it.

- Yeah.

And, honestly, I think

you're over-thinking it.

You just got to do

something spontaneous.

Be a spontaneous person.

Get out of it.

Okay, you know what?

Let me make it up to you.

Why don't I take you out?

- Okay?

- Okay.

Where do you want to go?

You know what we could do?

We could drive

to Vegas right now.

Okay.

- Yeah? You want to do this?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- You're into going to Vegas?

- Totally.

'Cause I'm down.

I'm not saying it like,

"hey, let's just talk about it."

I'm saying let's go and do it.

- We're going to Vegas.

- We're going to Vegas.

- We'll get there.

- Okay.

- I'll show you the ropes.

- All right.

- I'm gonna lay it out there. You'll see what's going on.

- All right.

- You know Vegas?

- Of course I know Vegas.

It's the best.

I love it.

It's just such a hassle.

I mean, it's

four-and-a-half hours away.

Yeah. Want to

get some sleep?

Yeah.

Hey, man, it was

great seeing you.

- Cheers, buddy.

- Cheers.

You going home or on a trip?

- I'm going home.

- Oh, me too, thank god.

- You live in the city?

- Brooklyn.

Oh, good.

I'm on Dekalb and Washington.

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