Dear Dictator

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1

Coup d'tat, coup d'tat

Coup d'tat

Coup d'tat

Coup d'tat

The government

Gets overthrown

A sudden force, a major stroke

Over out

New comes in

Coup d'tat

Give me a bomb

Generalissimo sets up shop

Step out of line,

your neck's on a block

Armies marching

through the streets

Dressed real sharp,

dressed real neat

Tatiana!

Coup d'tat

Tatiana, hustle your ass down here!

Tatiana, now!

Hey, sexpot.

I just wanted to say

I had a really nice time last night.

And, um...

I'm sorry about what I said in the car.

I know how mad it makes you,

and I promise I won't say it again.

It's just... it's true,

I couldn't help myself. I...

I think I am in love with you.

I thought I threw

those boots in the trash.

You did.

If you keep fishing them out,

you're gonna break your neck.

I got better things to do

than push you around in a wheelchair

the rest of my life.

Morning.

You should've seen the way

he was looking at me last night.

I mean, it's real. And he's so smart.

I shouldn't have said it.

I shouldn't have said it.

You never tell 'em you love 'em.

Everybody knows. It's textbook.

- Everyone except you, apparently.

- I deserve a little respect.

No, you're right on track,

sleeping with a married man.

- A soon-to-be divorced married man.

- OK, sure.

Could you at least try to fix your hair?

I am fixing it.

I'm fixing it to cover my face.

Not that you give a sh*t,

but you look pretty cute

when people can actually see your face.

Ditching that thing

in your nose wouldn't hurt either.

- You're the one who took me to get it.

- What can I say? I'm an idiot.

No comment.

Walk much?

I think I might yark.

1975 Mustang Stocker,

blue and red tampo.

Original package. Never played with.

Wow.

That is so... neat.

I always said when I was a dentist,

I'd have the coolest waiting room.

Well, you succeeded.

Hey, so, um... Did you get my message?

I had a really good time last night.

Not here, Darlene.

There's a cleaning in Exam 4.

Hey, Tats.

- What's up?

- Hey.

So, did you read it?

Yeah, I have to be honest.

I'm not sure those books are religious.

I get them from my church.

It's basically torture porn.

That chapter on the left leg of hell,

with the demon making

that other guy drink molten lead.

- That was disgusting.

- Right.

Who knew that hell

was divided into parts of the body?

You haven't even gotten to

the best chapter yet.

- The bowels.

- Mm.

When people are in there,

it's like they're swimming in acid.

Their skin burns off. It's awesome.

Yeah, I'll take your word for it.

It's just not that fun

to read about the place

where my skanky mom's

probably going to end up.

Happens to everyone

who commits sins of the flesh.

That's her. Biggest slut in the game.

It's true.

Here. This one's even sicker.

It's the next one in the series.

The Devil's a parasite

that eats a person from the inside out.

Put Post-It notes on all the good parts.

- Catch you later.

- Thank you.

Hmm!

Sophomores, you have proven

that teenagers can in fact survive

the ancient art of letter writing.

You have personally corresponded

with luminaries who have inspired you.

Does anyone care to share whom,

not "who", "whom", you selected?

I wrote to Mark Zuckerberg,

'cause he's so rich.

Inspiring choice. Anyone else?

Miss Miles,

care to tell us who you wrote to?

- Anton Vincent.

- The dictator?

Miss Miles, the assignment

was to write to a role model.

- Someone you admire.

- I admire his style.

You shouldn't admire anything about him.

He's evil.

OK, well, so were the Khmer Rouge,

and they had good style.

Well...

I certainly appreciate

the shock and awe, Tatiana,

but honestly,

you're smarter than that.

There is a reason

27 countries have united

to overthrow Anton Vincent.

- He's a horrible person.

- Who looks cool.

You found the evidence

on their computers, yes?

They did not have computers.

Then how did you know

they were traitors?

You said they were, sir.

You ordered their executions.

If they had evidence on their computers!

- But they didn't have computers.

- Fire!

Sir, I'm sorry.

I thought you said you had the evidence.

I am so sorry, sir. I misunderstood.

Sir, I'm sorry!

Sir, I misunderstood what you said!

Sir! Please!

Please forgive me, sir. Please!

Sir! Sir!

Oh. Oh!

Charles!

Charles, stop it. You're...

Ooh! Oh! That feels so good.

Ah! You are so sexy.

Oh, my God. Dr Charles...

Patty won't let me do this to her.

She thinks it's strange.

Oh, my God. She's strange.

It's liberating, right?

Here.

- Ah!

- Keep recording.

I'll watch it again later at home.

Oh, my God. You're amazing.

Christ's sake.

Hold that thought. Darlene Miles.

What?

- So what are you gonna do?

- Who knows?

Maybe we'll be pen pals.

Right. You can ask him

his favourite colour,

his favourite movie,

and how many people

he's tortured this week.

- Dictators get such a bad rep.

- I wonder why.

Look, he mailed me his armband, OK?

He can't be that horrible.

When we freed our country

from the dirty capitalist swine,

we expected a better life.

Yet I regret to say

there are still challenges.

The surpluses we expected

in milk production were ill-considered.

There are critical shortages

of gas, bread and soap.

- I ask that you please try harder.

- We are trying harder!

I, too, must sacrifice. This morning,

I learned that my brother-in-arms

sold military secrets

to the United States.

Oh, my God!

For this, I blame the enemy.

They can take away our friends,

but they cannot take away our spirit.

Homeland... or death!

Homeland or death!

You don't belong here!

Put your sunblock on and go home!

Shoot this guy.

Did I tell you I can't practise

next week?

- Oh, yeah. The Bible retreat.

- Hm-hmm.

What exactly do you do on those things?

We worship. It's rad.

I... I'm sorry.

I don't know why I did that.

It's OK. It's OK.

Um, it's just temptation.

You can shun it.

You're right.

I feel like such a reject.

The Lord will show you the way.

Repent

Repent, repent, repent

Repent

Repent, repent, repent

Repent

Repent, repent, repent

Tatiana!

What the hell is wrong with you?

Your forehead vein looks like

it's gonna pop. You should chill.

How am I supposed to chill

when I get a call

from the high school principal

saying my kid's a total f***-up?

- I'm sure she used those exact words.

- She did.

And then she says

that you need more guidance.

Like it's my fault.

You try having a kid

when you're in high school,

- and you see how well you do.

- No, thank you.

You don't think I want

to be some smart-ass

writing letters to a dictator

for a school project?

I don't even know what that means!

- I used to be a rebel once.

- No.

That's fine. That's fine.

Put it away. OK, I get it.

No, you can stop now.

You're not funny.

You're disgusting.

Get away from me. Stop!

I'm just saying, look where it got me.

I got you extra Sriracha.

You're welcome very much.

- Hey. I need you to come with me.

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