Dear God Page #5

Well, do you mind if I join you?

I'll keep score.

Why don't you ask Joey?

- Hello.|- Are you a stranger?

I'm that forgettable?|You remember me!

- Tom?|- Yes. Shall we make it a threesome?

You know how to play?

I used to. Kind of.|I took it up on the weekends

when I got the urge|to wear ridiculous clothing.

To tell the truth, I like baseball|and basketball better.

But with baseball and basketball,|if you gamble, you get big trouble.

So, that's why they invented golf.

Like most miniature golf courses on|Thanksgiving, it's virtually empty.

OK. I'll hold your cotton candy.

- Definitely off his game today.|- He's nervous. Or something.

I think it's too much cotton candy.

There it is! Good job!

Now?

OK. Ready?

OK. Do your thing.

I don't know why|he's playing so badly tonight.

- Get in your proper stance.|- Mom, I'm OK.

- I know.|- Mom, I'm gonna do great this hole.

Mom, I am. I'm going to do so good,|I bet you 50 cents I make it.

- Joe, we don't gamble.|- Come on, Mom!

OK. 50 cents. And that's it.

Get in there! Get in there!

- I did it!|- That is improvement.

Yes!

Great shot.

Probably just kid's luck.|Wanna bet a dollar next hole?

Go get your ball, Joey.

You taught my kid to hustle.

Hustle! Miniature golf.

Miniature golf.|What's next, tether ball?

I don't get it.|Why else would you play the game?

For fun! You know, no salary,|no bets, no angles.

You just play for the pure joy|of playing the game.

- You mean like the Olympics?|- Yes. Didn't you ever do that?

Not that I remember.

Olympic people end up selling|their medals to pawn shops.

You are something else. Always|working something. Like tonight.

- What about tonight?|- You saw Joey's note to his dad.

You decided to come play the hero.|Wasn't that your angle?

- There's no angle.|- Come on.

There was no angle.

It's just not the easiest thing|to be alone on Thanksgiving.

I'm not alone. I have my son, OK?

I wasn't talking about you.

Thanks for joining us tonight.

Why don't you come down the shop|and have a latte? On me.

Thanks again and happy Thanksgiving.

So we're gonna try again, Tom.

- No.|- Nine for God.

I am not in charge|of the loony bin, alright? I'm not!

"I'm not." He's not in charge|of the loony bin!

OK, fine.|Just so I'm absolutely clear,

this is about everybody|wanting to be a hero, right?

Better than sorting.

When I get my audition, I'm gone.|Till then...

The have-nots have got to do it.

The haves haven't helped anybody|but themselves since the '70s!

And you all realise|we can get in trouble for this.

How many laws does this violate,|Rebecca?

- A lot.|- Hear that? A lot. Correct.

- Tom...|- What?

- More volunteers for God's work.|- You've got to be kidding me!

Alright, we do one.|But we've got to keep this quiet.

It would be really bad|if I lost my job.

- Who's this?|- She's Jane. She's hearing impaired.

Tom!

Hi. OK.

Mary, can you distract today's spy?

Distract?|I am good distraction! OK.

Has anyone ever actually met|the spies?

Hope we never do.

Idris, you pray the most.|You pick one.

No. I'm one month away|from the Promised Land,

and I'm taking no chances,|thank you.

Let me do it, Captain.

My mother was a bingo caller|at church. It's in my genes.

Our first miracle!

Let Lucille read it.|She is the closest to God.

Lucille?

Out loud.

"Dear God, living alone|this past year has been hell

and that's probably where I'll end up|if you don't forgive me

for what I'm about to do."

"I know it's a sin to take|your own life." Yes, it is.

"But honest, God, I feel my life|is meaningless to everyone."

"So on Sunday, I shall go|to your place of worship

and then a final plunge at noon."

Signed...

Jammy? Janey? Jean?

Let me see it. Let me see.|Look how shaky the handwriting is.

It could be Jimmy, Jenny...

- Juanita.|- Jose.

- Hymie.|- Hymie?

So, we know it's either|a man or a woman.

That's good. At least|we know it's not a giraffe.

This one's too hard. Get an easy one.

Great.

The deaf girl wants quiet.

She's right. She said you tell us|what to do, Tom,

- since you did it before.|- No, I didn't do it.

Here, Tom.

I can't even... Wendy, can you...?

Can you decipher this?

It's a man. Jemi. He's older.

I think she said older man.|Check the postmark.

Yep. 90401.|That's Santa Monica district.

There's a cemetery there.|There should be a place of worship.

- Good. We show this to the clergy...|- Could be a mosque, synagogue.

- Right. Mosque, synagogue.|- Write it down. Write it down!

You got your Baptist, Our Lady|of Grace, Christian Science...

- Dooly, you were in the military.|- Right.

Get one of those Santa Monica maps,|coordinate everybody.

Reconnaissance.

An assignment. Right.

Temples and mosques on Saturday,|then we do churches Sunday morning.

- I think I care again.|- Are you gonna be alright?

One of our postal customers|is in danger.

Thanks, Mrs Alcot, for letting us|use your coffee shop.

Listen up, everybody. Alright. OK.

807,

Santa Monica, 9:
30am.

At 9:
40am, 672,

Wilshire.

are we not, in truth,

in the highest sense,|serving ourselves?

Jemi. Is there a Jemi something or|someone Jemi in your congregation?

There'll be a day you need a saviour.

You think you don't need a master|but you do!

And yet we don't need to see our|eyebrows to know that they are there.

And we don't need to see the light|to know that it is there.

And as we approach the holidays,|we come closer to our families...

- Hang on! What?|- People here want to contemplate.

You got it, Mrs Alcot.

Handsome, listen, I can't talk loud.|People here wanna contemplate.

Contemplate!

Yeah! They buy one of them|latte things and stare at each other.

When you go to sleep at night,

you believe you'll wake up|in the morning.

What if you went to sleep and began|to wonder whether you'd wake up?

Which brings me to Doubting Thomas.|Our old friend Doubting Thomas.

He was lost...

Tom, listen. Wendy's got something.

Tom, you gotta hurry back here.

so speak up.

- What did you find here?|- The letter has an S I didn't see.

- What did she say?|- She found Jemi's ass.

He did a unique thing on the tail|on "place". It's places of worship.

I didn't see the S because I didn't|have my glass. Not place, places.

Several religious places in|one compact area. Like the Vatican.

Does it even make any difference?|We got 45 minutes.

Then somebody's just gonna die|because we lost him.

I got it. But I'm not helping,|I'm just hanging out.

three-dimensional tableaux

in Santa Monica. Religious places.

They're right there.

Alright, Wendy, Rebecca, we'll check|it out. You guys watch the phones.

Stop the car! Behind the manger,|that's Look Out Point.

- We've no time to sightsee.|- That's where people jump from!

- How do you know that?|- Cos I dated a guy that jumped.

- What time is it?|- Is it noon yet?

We blew it.

We blew our first miracle.

Is there a splattered body anywhere|or has a car flattened the sucker?

I can't look.

No, I will look.|I am good enough to look.

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