Dear White People Page #5

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SAM:

On behalf of the colored folks in

the room, let me apologize for all

the better qualified white students

whose place we’re taking up.

Kurt chuckles - a bit turned on by the argument.

SAM (CONT’D)

You get lost? Bechet is that way.

KURT:

Yeah but what other dining hall

gives you chicken and waffles? Dear

White People right? Funny stuff.

How haven’t we staffed you yet?

SAM:

On Pastiche? Your uninspired humor

magazine?

KURT:

We’re a lot more than a magazine

sweetie. SNL staff is basically

half Lampoon, half Pastiche. Just

like the network comedies.

A flash of envy comes over Troy and Coco.

24.

SAM:

What gives you Clubhouse kids the

right to come to our Dining Hall?

Kurt eats an exaggerated scoop of mac and cheese.

SAM (CONT’D)

You don’t live here.

MARTIN:

Sam? What are you doing?

SAM:

You can’t eat here.

Kurt eyes this new adversary. Enjoys a good challenge.

TROY:

Chill Sam damn. Let the man-

KURT & SAM

-- I got this.

KURT:

Who are you to put me out?

SAM:

(realizing)

I’m the Head of this house. And I’m

doing things my way.

Sam shoots this last one to Martin. Kurt rolls his eyes to

which Sam slams his tray to the ground.

Lionel scribbles down notes furiously on a notepad.

KURT:

You got any idea who you’re -

SAM:

-- Yeah, I know who your daddy is.

The same one who’s been pushing to

break up this House for a decade.

What’s wrong? Is he scared letting

the Negroes gather in groups might

start a rebellion on the

plantation? You tell him from

me...he should be.

Kurt looks into Sam’s eyes and then his crew. They want out.

KURT:

Bad move.

25.

Kurt leads his crew out of the dining hall drawing a slight

snicker from Lionel which draws Sam’s eyes right to him.

Something sparks in Lionel. He takes out his phone and texts

to GEORGE:
“I’ve got the angle. I’m in.”

SAM:

You too.

LIONEL:

Me?

SAM:

Is this your house?

Lionel sinks - the eyes of everyone in the room on him.

Sam sits back down as a trickle of claps grow to a steady

applause. Troy and his table look around baffled.

By the caution on Sam’s face it seems the first time she’s

ever heard this sound directed at her.

A slight envy boils in Coco.

One last look to the room from Lionel before he slips out.

Locked out again.

23 INT. COCO’S ROOM - DAY 23

Coco scrolls Sam’s “Dear White People” Youtube page. 75K

Subscribers. She presses play on the latest video.

SAM (O.S.)

Dear White People, stop dancing.

Two seconds. 600K views.

COCO:

The f***?

Coco exits and opens her own “TIME AT AN IVY LEAGUE” page. 2K

subscribers. Her latest video is at 10K views. Alright... She

presses record. Let’s the camera rest on her briefly...

COCO (CONT’D)

Muffins. I hate to do it, but Imma

have to get real Black with you.

(comes to mind)

So the other day, a girl had the

nerve to fix her mouth and ask me

if my hair was weaved.

(after a moment)

Weaved. Weaved b*tch?

(MORE)

26.

COCO (CONT’D)

First of all if you’re going to fix

your mouth to ask me something like

that, say it right please? It’s

weave. Noun. Present tense. Second

of all don’t assume just because

you see a sister with some hair

it’s a weave. Is it? Clearly. If a

b*tch could grow straight Indian

hair directly out her own head I

wouldn’t have just overdrafted my

account paying for this sh*t but

that ain’t your business. Are those

your lips sweetie? Sweet heart is

that really your skin? These white

girls and these tans I swear to

God, they’re starting to look

darker than me.

Coco pauses it. Her mouse hovers over the check box next to

“private.” Instead she plays it back...and hits “publish.”

She clicks back through to Sam’s last video and hits “reply.”

As the red light on her computer’s web cam turns green...

COCO (CONT’D)

Dear White People. What do I think

about it?

24 INT. SCREENING ROOM - DAY 24

Sam with arms folded watches as Gabe (Sam’s caller from

earlier) presses play on a DVD. Horrified students watch...

...a Black and white 1920’s style silent movie, complete with

Dialogue Cards and dramatic PIANO MUSIC.

SERIES OF SHOTS - ON THE SCREEN

A) OBAMA speaks at a debate

B) DIALOGUE CARD: “We are the change that we seek.”

C) A FAMILY in white-face go ape-sh*t

D) DIALOGUE CARD: “HE’S READING OFF A TELEPROMPTER!!!!!!”

E) More intercut footage of Obama speaking with actors in

white-face reacting. Until...

F) DIALOGUE CARD: OBAMA WINS A SECOND TERM!

G) A WHITE-FACE CROWD goes nuts in the streets - scream into

camera - loot buildings and shoot themselves in the head.

27.

H) Dialogue Card: “FIN”

PROFESSOR BODKIN, late 40s, with a “seen it all before”

demeanor hides a grin and lets the room settle.

PROFESSOR BODKIN

Okay. Does anyone have any comments

for Sam’s “Rebirth of a Nation?”

All of the kids are too scared to comment. Except...

PROFESSOR BODKIN (CONT’D)

Gabe, go ahead.

GABE:

I dig the “silent movie” thing, but

it’s a little self-congratulatory.

Light on story and frankly

thematically dubious.

PROFESSOR BODKIN

Okay. Anybody else?

SAM:

What?

SAME PLACE - MOMENTS LATER

As students filter out of the class...

PROFESSOR BODKIN

Sam?

SAM:

Before you say anything might I

remind you that I sat through Birth

of A Nation, Gone With The Wind,

and Tarantino week without protest.

PROFESSOR BODKIN

And might I remind you that I read

all fifteen pages of your

unsolicited essay on why Gremlins

is actually about suburban white

fear of Black culture.

SAM:

The Gremlins are loud, talk in

slang, are addicted to fried

chicken and freak out when you get

their hair wet.

28.

PRESIDENT BODKIN

My only problem with your movie is

that it was late. The silent

projects were last semester Sam.

You were supposed to have emailed

your sound treatment over Summer.

SAM:

I’ve been getting footage.

PROFESSOR BODKIN

This is your senior thesis Sam,

where the hell is your head at?

SAM:

I’ve got Radio, BSU, this Head of

House thing -

PROFESSOR BODKIN

-- Do you want this? Cause if not,

don’t waste my time here -

Sam pulls out the Super 8 camera from her satchel.

SAM:

-- Look this thing might as well be

my right hand Professor. I was busy

this summer that’s all.

PROFESSOR BODKIN

With everything but your major?

While your peers are taking

internships, making short films...

SAM:

My dad. He’s sick. Had to go home.

PROFESSOR BODKIN

If you need some time off, take it.

But if you want to make it to next

semester --

SAM:

-- I do --

PROFESSOR BODKIN

-- Pull it together. This is

Manchester.

Sam wants this. It’s in her eyes as she holds her tongue.

25 EXT. MANCHESTER UNIVERSITY - DAY 25

Sam exits the theater and spots Gabe talking to some guys.

29.

SAM:

Thematically dubious?

GABE:

Well what was that supposed to be

about exactly?

SAM:

You’re thematically dubious!

Gabe rolls his eyes and catches up with her.

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