Death Do Us Part

1

They just found her like this?

Yeah. She was wandering down

the highway in a daze.

Hasn't said a word?

Nothing so far.

What the hell do you

think happened?

No idea.

One way to find out.

Hey, I got to hit the road.

Are you going to be okay here?

Yeah. I called the sheriff.

He's on his way.

You sure?

I think I can handle her.

My name is Harry Simpson.

Do you know where you are?

Can you tell me your name?

Kennedy.

Kennedy, that's...

that's nice.

Can you tell me

what happened, Kennedy?

Whoo! Let's do this!

Can't wait to get you hammered.

It's been way too long.

Okay, let's not get carried away.

That's the whole point.

We're supposed to get carried away.

Hon, we need to have a stag.

The wedding's not gonna fall

apart if you're gone for two days.

It's just a party. Loosen up.

Oh, and for the record,

I'd just like to say

that a joint stag

is a very bad idea.

And for the record,

nobody cares what you think.

Okay. All right, good.

Keep that up, and I won't

strip for you later.

You know what?

I think we'll take our chances.

I'm really excited about

hanging out with all you guys.

Yeah, Kennedy has told me

so much about you.

Really?

What has Kennedy said about me?

Hey, Derrick, I'm glad

you could make it, man.

I was surprised to hear from you.

You kidding me? I wouldn't

miss it for the world, cuz.

Oh, sh*t. Hannah, give it back!

You need to relax.

You have a wedding planner.

- Let her do her job.

- What if she has questions?

Everything will be fine.

It always is.

It's going to be perfect,

Kennedy, okay,

and you're going to look amazing.

Oh, my God, the dress.

I can't wait to show you the dress.

- You brought the dress up here?

- Yeah. I picked it up last night.

- You brought the dress?

- Wow.

Okay, this is officially the gayest

bachelor party of all time.

This old road

This dirty road

It's all I know...

Chet, where are we going?

You booked a dump, didn't you?

Relax, sweetheart.

It's going to be perfect.

Found it on craigslist.

Looked cozy.

- Cozy?

- Yeah, cozy.

It's amazing.

It's totally isolated,

which means we can party all

night long, right, guys? Whoo!

You know you're not

in a fraternity anymore, right?

Yeah, but when do we all

get together like this, huh?

I think the last time was actually

when Chet got arrested

for indecent exposure.

Actually not my fault.

That place used to be

a nude beach, I think.

Pretty sure it wasn't.

No, used to be nude.

There were nakeds everywhere.

Never was, so...

This old road -'

This dirty road

It's all I know

I keep going...

Are you ready to party tonight?

Yeah, sure.

Good, 'cause I brought some treats.

Hey, Derrick, how's Rebecca?

I wouldn't know. She dumped me.

Surprise.

You seem like such a catch.

Sh*t, man, I'm sorry to hear that.

It sucks.

Actually, I think it's...

better to be single.

So, Chet,

other than being a jackass,

what do you do?

I'm this guy's best man.

Easy, easy, easy, tiger, all right?

Chet and I were in the same

fraternity back in college.

I actually hooked them up.

You know, it was kind of

a funny story.

Couple years ago,

I'm banging Hannah,

and it's how these guys met.

Yeah. It was the worst year

of my life.

Yeah, it's hard to believe

being set up by this retard

would lead to marriage.

Shut up. Beer me.

You're not drinking and driving.

As fascinating

as this pantie party is,

I need to take a piss.

Can't you just wait

till we get there?

Nope.

Oh, f***ing hell.

Seriously, Ryan?

Sorry, hon.

- She's uptight.

- Yeah.

You have no idea.

Look at us, huh,

hanging, you know,

just like old times.

Hey, what the f***

are you doing here?

I thought it was time to reconnect.

I miss you, buddy.

Don't f*** this up for me.

You understand me?

Come on. You know

I'm not going to do that.

So hostile.

Keep your f***ing mouth shut.

She's got you tense.

It's not good for your health.

Did you hear that?

What was that?

Jesus Christ.

You're such a loser.

- That, that was funny.

- Not funny.

Not really.

Ah, it was kind of funny.

Dude, just take it down

a notch, all right?

Wow. This whole

Jack-and-Jill stag thing

is going to be way better

than Vegas.

All right, just get

in the truck, dumb-ass.

Get in the truck. Let's go.

Wow. This is fun.

All right, kids, here we are.

Now what?

We're supposed to meet

the guy that owns this place...

here.

His name's Bo.

Is that him?

Hello.

Guy looks like a real winner.

We're here for the cabin.

Y'all having a party?

I don't want my place wrecked.

Buddy, we're not going

to wreck your pad.

It's going to be fine.

How you doing?

Honestly, man,

we'll take good care of it.

I'm Ryan.

Okay.

I'll unlock the gate,

and you head on down.

- Sweet bones.

- Great. Thanks a lot, man.

- Do it.

- Holy creepy.

Did you see

how he was staring at her?

Jesus, Chet.

Wow.

It's all right, huh?

We should have gone to the spa.

I'll give you a facial, babe.

Yeah, thanks. I'll pass.

Chicks.

If they didn't have tits,

we'd throw rocks at 'em.

- Ryan!

- Yeah? Hold up, Ken.

- Oh, my God.

- What is it?

Holy sh*t.

This place is disgusting.

You mean the birds?

Yes, I mean the birds.

It's dead.

Yeah, we got that.

You mind cleaning it up?

I don't know.

I don't know about this place.

Oh, Kennedy, come on.

It's going to be fine.

- We're going to have fun.

- Yeah, she's right.

He'll get it cleaned up.

It'll be fine.

You know what's interesting?

A lot of hotels

go for the whole

swan-on-the-pillow thing,

but you went for actual carcasses.

It's nice. Nice touch.

- What's wrong with you?

- Nothing.

Just want to smack her sometimes.

Who?

Kennedy.

I bet. I just met her.

I want to smack her.

Done.

Great. Let's do this.

It's all right.

So this is it. Plumbing's no good.

We're on a septic,

so only flush if you

have to take a sh*t.

Did he really just say that?

Pretty sure, yeah.

So you going to take it?

Yeah. Heck, yeah.

It's all there.

Now, don't think you can go

and wreck the place.

I live close by, and I'm going

to keep my eye on you.

All right, just give me

the f***ing keys. Come on.

Great, thanks.

I mean it.

Okay.

Ow.

He's charming.

Okay, could I get an arm brace?

Come on,

let's go get the bags, okay?

Okay. Let's do it.

Come on, hon.

Come on, let's go.

Come on.

All right, how about Chet

and Derrick take the trailer,

and the four of us can have

the cabin? Sound good?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- That means we're roomies.

- Yay.

Yeah. I have these great audiotapes

that you... thanks...

that you can listen to.

It really helps you fall asleep.

Strange place to bring a dress.

I'm...

I'm getting married

next week, so...

I should get inside.

Miss.

Yes?

You'll make a lovely bride.

Thanks.

Yeah!

Place sucks.

What are you talking about?

It's perfect.

It's the f***ing boonies.

What, are you afraid

of the outdoors?

No, I just prefer to sh*t inside.

F***.

I'm f***ing getting it, you f***.

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