Death Proof Page #2

or Marcy over here,

who is an incredible actress,

could act it out for you,

which I think will give you a better idea

what you have in store for you tonight.

Okay, so just tell me your way.

- So we'll act it out with Marcy?

- Sure.

Okay, give Marcy your drink.

Okay, so you 're

in a club or a bar,

and Marcy's a kind of cute

or kind of hot or kind of sexy

or better be

f***ing hysterically funny,

but not-funny-looking guy

who you could f***.

Got it.

Okay, Marcy, take it.

Howdy.

Hi, there.

Excuse me, but...

your name wouldn't be

"Butterfly," would it?

Yes, it is, and it seems

you have me at a disadvantage.

Barry.

Pleased to meet you, Barry.

Y'all are gettin' me hot!

Shh!

So is, uh...

"Butterfly" your real name?

Yes, it is.

And how'd you know

my name, Barry?

I listened to Jungle Julia's show

this mornin'.

Oh, you did, did you?

Oh, yeah, I listen to her show

every morning.

Oh, you do, do you?

Yeah, she's like

the coolest lady in town.

Don't you think

she's got a big ass?

Nah, man!

I like her ass that way.

She got a black girl's ass.

Well, that's what she always says,

but in actual fact, she doesn't

really have a black girl's ass.

She's got a big ass.

Okay, what the f***

are you doing?

Look who wants

to get to the point all of a sudden.

Okay, we'll get to the point,

but for your information,

skinny b*tch,

black men and a whole lot

of motherfuckin' white men

have had plenty of fun

adoring my ass.

I don't wear their teeth marks

on my butt for nothing.

If you 're not gonna buy me a drink,

can I have mine back?

No, okay, okay, okay, okay.

So, Butterfly...

can I buy you a drink?

I'd love one.

What can I get ya?

I'll take a margarita.

Here ya go.

So, after they buy you a drink

when they raise

their glass to toast,

they look you dead in the eye

and repeat this poem...

"The woods are lovely,

dark and deep

And I have promises to keep

and miles to go before I sleep. "

Did you hear me, Butterfly?

"Miles to go before you sleep. "

And then, if they say that...

you gotta give 'em a lap dance.

What?

If they call you "Butterfly,"

buy you a drink, repeat that poem,

you gotta give 'em a lap dance.

That's bullshit.

I ain't giving them nothin'.

Well, you can do it or not,

but if you don't,

everybody in Austin

is gonna think you a chicken sh*t.

And I don't think you want

everybody in Austin

thinking you 're a chicken sh*t.

I ain't giving nobody no lap dance

'cause of what you said.

Oh, come on!

It's gonna be funny!

Yeah, everything's funny to you two

when it's happening to me.

Look. You don't have to do it

for anybody you don't want.

I said you'd do it

for the first guy who says it.

So, some geek comes over

trying to be cool,

just tell him you already did it

at another place earlier.

No harm, no foul,

but you get a free drink out of it.

But maybe a little later

in the evening,

you've had a few drinks,

you 're kind of loosey-goosey,

you 're safe with your girls,

then some kind of cute,

kind of hot, kind of sexy,

hysterically funny, but not-funny-looking guy

comes up and says it...

then maybe you did it earlier,

maybe you didn't.

She's making me trip.

Shut the f*** up.

You made me trip, dumb b*tch!

You f***in' idiot!

Any dead soldiers here?

Uh, these two. Thank you.

Where the hell is Lanna-Frank?

That's a good f***ing question.

Lanna-Frank!

Where are you?

Well, come over already.

We're waiting for you.

Sh*t! Hold on!

So, where are you?

Come over already.

We're waiting for you.

No. We're not coming over there.

You come over here

like you said you would.

So, is it Shauna and the girls

at the lake house this weekend?

- Shauna?

- Oh, f***. I...

No.

Now, there is one thing

that every girl in the whole world

whose name is Shanna

has in common with each other.

We all hate the name "Shauna,"

and we really hate it

when people call us "Shauna. "

Just remember...

it's "Shanna Banana,"

not "Shauna Banauna. "

Okay, but at some point in the evening,

I had fuckability stock.

Yeah, I mean, it wasn't bullish, but...

Okay... Warren's sending over shots,

and you know the house rules.

If he sends over shots,

you gotta do them.

- What?

- Hey, them's the rules, baby.

- Warren says it, we do it!

I love that philosophy!

"Warren says it, we do it. "

So let's do it!

What is it?

Hey, shot first, questions later.

Here we go. Post time!

Mmm!

Whoo-hoo!

Now, is that a tasty beverage

or is that a tasty beverage?

What the f*** is it?!

Chartreuse.

The only liquor so good

they named a color after it.

Who's down for dos Chartreuse?

Not me.

I'm going out for a smoke.

Okay, but careful where you keep

that hot flame, all right?

You'll blow up the joint.

Drinks.

What can we get you?

Shanna Banana?

Another big-ass

Long Island iced tea.

Bombay Sapphire

and tonic with no ice.

Good boy.

Oh, hey, Punky.

Uh, one of the lights

is off in the parking lot. Flip it.

- Oh! Jesus Christ!

- Whoa-ho!

You scared the f*** out of me,

you shitty a**hole!

I swear, Arlene.

I was not trying to scare you.

I just... got lucky.

Oh, hardee-f***ing-har.

- Let's go inside.

- Wait a minute.

- Why?

- I was thinkin' we could make out.

What, on a porch?

Not even in the bar,

but in front of the entrance?

- Forget it.

- No, in my car.

What, out there?

It's wet as f***ing 'Nam out there.

Not in my car it's not.

Look, you won't get wet.

I promise you.

You know, most guys

wouldn't brag about that.

Ha ha ha.

I mean...

you know what I mean.

Look, I know you guys

are going to Lake L.B.J.

and we can't come.

I wanna make out...

Okay, just stop with the whining.

It's not attractive.

I don't want it super f***ing obvious

to everybody in the bar we've been gone,

- so we'll make out for six minutes, deal?

- Great.

No, no, no.

Deal or no deal?

If you 're gonna whine

when I pull the plug in six minutes,

we could just walk back

inside the f***ing bar right now.

- Deal. No whining.

- And no begging.

And no begging.

When you say "done," it's done.

I'm gonna remember

you said that.

Okay, let's go.

Oh, you got two jobs... kiss good

and make sure my hair don't get wet.

Now, look, you can't look like

you 're trying to get her out of here

before Christian Simonson shows up,

but you've got to get her out of here

before Christian Simonson shows up.

Yeah, but what's the point?

They're going to Shanna's

daddy's house at Lake L.B.J.,

and it's no guys.

Absolutely no guys.

Okay. So after we bring

the girls' drinks,

in fairly rapid order, but not obvious,

we order two more rounds of shots.

You think they're gonna fall for that?

We'll be very convincing.

Now it's time to turn up the volume.

No more f***ing around.

We go to Jger shots.

Man, they're not gonna drink Jger shots.

Dude, as long as

a guy's buying the booze,

a f***ing b*tch

will drink anything.

Come on, dude, we can

at least get one shot of Jger

down these

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