Death Race 2050 Page #3

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What are they doing?

Trying to boost test scores.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Don't move,

boys and girls, stay still.

Easy pickings.

(BODIES THUDDING, SQUELCHING)

(SCREAMING)

(THUDDING)

No soft spots, huh?

Wheelchairs f***

up my paint job.

Hmm.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, that Frankenstein.

He sure has a sense of humor.

(LAUGHING)

And now he's got

a real doozy of points!

(BEEPING)

(BEEPING)

Hmm. Left turn here.

ABE:
Left turn.

Pedestrian sighted.

(GASPS, WHIMPERING)

(SIGHS) Only one year

short of the bonus.

ABE:
He will suffice.

Crank me up.

ABE:
Increasing stimulation.

Is this is the right spot?

Yes, yes,

yes,yes!

Yeah, yeah! Kill him!

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

ABE:
It's a trap.

Rerouting.

Sorry.

(ENGINES REVVING)

(POUNDING)

(ALL YELLING)

What the f***?

Hey,hey,hey,

back,back!

People of America!

We address you in your home

via the vile

Virtual Reality plague!

(INDEEP VOICE)

We can rise up!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEEPING)

We can overthrow the government!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

The people's voice will...

What?

The camera isn't running.

Are you kidding me?

Well, I'm sorry, I'm ruining your

speech, but the light went off.

Oh, sh*t.

Kill her, I guess.

ABE:
Hello and goodbye.

Ten points.

Toaster...

It's raining in my mind...

Have a nice day.

You've got mail.

Kill, kill,

kill, points, ten points.

Butterflies...

Steaming... Gerbils.

Ten points.

Hey, babe.

ABE:
Ten points.

Kill.

Hey, are you okay?

You remember me, don't you?

I'm your girlfriend.

ABE:
Tens... You look sexy.

You're my shiny sex machine.

ABE:
Ten points...

Searching, searching.

Do you want me to

make love to you?

ABE:
Scanning face...

No match.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

ABE:
Ten points.

Well, we're back, and who

could have seen that coming!

I mean,

scoring your own proxy.

Does it count? I don't

even know if it counts!

It counts! Wow!

Nobody is safe

anymore and I love it!

What?

It looks like Abe

has abandoned the race.

ABE:
Why am I here?

Why am I programmed to hate?

So much for GPS.

Don't tell me you

were cheering for Abe.

Everybody's got a favorite.

Just because

The Chairman loves you.

Come on, everybody knows you play

golf together in the off-season.

Really? You two probably

race around in golf carts.

The Chairman

wouldn't like that.

Too much wind.

(AUTOMATED HAND SQUEAKING)

(AUTOMATED HAND SQUEAKING)

Too much wind.

Too much wind.

Oh, my dear friend,

you have grown so bold.

Hmm.

Why today, Larry? It really pisses

me off, you know what I mean?

What are you gonna do

about it? We're lucky.

I got two bottles of sunblock

with my last paycheck.

Sunblock?

Like I'm all fancy and stuff.

We're out here in the middle of

the motherfucking Death Race,

and you're talking

to me about sunblock?

That's the price we pay

for being middle class.

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

Give me a break!

I'm just an ordinary guy.

Looks like we got

a real tough guy.

(THUDDING)

(BEEPING)

Am I not tough?

Am I not a guy?

Of course, you are, baby,

but you need clean kills if you

want to beat Frankenstein.

You said his name.

Take it back.

Take it back,

it's still in the air!

(HUFFING)

Frankenstein! (GASPS)

Yo, B, we recycle this.

We're running the lumber

on this hand, you know?

We gotta kick some wheelers.

Tell me something

I don't know, man.

This f***ing road is empty!

(ENGINES REVVING)

Whoa!

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

What the f***!

Who are these fags?

Some fool crackers

trying to be part of the show.

This ain't open mic night,

motherfuckers!

(GRUNTS, LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, fellas!

(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)

(CRASHING)

F*** you.

I can do this all day!

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Kill the motherf***er!

Whoo! Oh, oh, oh!

Bump that sh*t, Chi Wapp!

Yeah!

(MINERVA SCATTING) (SINGING)

Kill, drive, kill, drive

Kill, kill,

drive, drive, drive

(BOTH WHOOPING)

(GEARS SHIFTING)

ANNIE:
Whoo!

Whoo!Whoo!

Yeah, it tasted so good!

(PEOPLE CLAMORING) Make some

comments on getting passed today.

Day one comes to a close and all

of our racers are on the board,

with Tammy the Terrorist

out to an early lead.

You want proof

of the power of the Almighty?

Just look at that scoreboard.

My bumper is

a magnet for heathens.

I'm running on the truth,

the power, the glory,

and I got one Goodyear in the back.

(LAUGHING)

Tammy, any messages for the

families of the scored?

Religious law mandates a quick burial.

Five, 10 minutes, max.

Meanwhile, frustration

for Team Jefferson.

Drive, Drive, Kill, Kill

may be

making its way to

the top of the charts,

but today's

slow start may mean

a 187 on Minerva's

chances for victory.

Tell me who!

Tell me the f*** who!

B*tch been stealing my scores

like white people been stealing

from us since the beginning.

Ain't nothing new here.

I'm gonna tell you

what I'm gonna do though.

I'mma grab her blonde hair and rip

it out of her cracker-ass skull,

'cause I'm Minerva!

I'mma f*** her on two...

(LOUD BEEPING)

After a long day of racing,

drivers and proxies will enjoy

a night of pampered luxury

here at the

Three Seasons Columbus.

That's the Three Seasons,

because comfort matters

and winter was just a myth.

I could lead every stage.

I could lead every mile.

But Perfectus gives you more.

He gives you theater.

As you know, Jed, race rules

prohibit cameras after hours.

But since we're besties,

tell me, what really goes on

when the cameras go off?

Jed has 500 times the

testosterone of a normal man.

It's like having sex

with 500 men at once.

Awesome.

CROWD:
Frankenstein!

Frankenstein!

Frankenstein, Frankenstein, why

did you take off your mask?

Tell us more

about your scan

Frankenstein, do you have any

ideas about Abe's whereabouts?

It's been a long day, folks,

we just wanna get some rest.

Always let your lady do the talking?

(LAUGHING)

You got past me today.

But sooner or later,

I'm gonna get

my hook in you

and reel you in.

Couldn't they

engineer you any clothes?

How'd you get so

ridiculously handsome?

(MICROPHONE BEEPS)

I'll drink your tears,

Frankenstein!

I'll lick them off

your handsome face.

(WHIRRING, BEEPING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, uh,

ladies and gentlemen,

I want to take you on a little

stroll down memory lane.

Uh, back,

I'm talking, way, way back,

when Jim was just a skinny kid

and Laura wasn't such a b*tch.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

Does anybody

remember salespeople?

Huh? How about waitresses?

You know, little blondes

in aprons about this big.

Jim, how many people

have you got working for you?

I'm talking about human people.

How many? A dozen?

Less.

Less. Wow.

So, the only thing rarer than the

black rhino that we're about to eat,

is a person that

you actually pay.

Which makes us the richest

motherfuckers on the planet.

(CROWD CHEERING, LAUGHING)

But also, that gives us

a 99.993% unemployment rate.

So, that's an awful lot of people

with an awful lot of time.

So, what do they do?

The screw? They multiply?

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