Deathtrap Page #8

I mean, your idea will

start coming in a minute.

"Deathtrap.

"A thriller in 2 acts

by clifford anderson.

"Characters.

Julian crane,

"A playwright.

Doris crane, his wife.

"Victor madison,

crane's protg.

"Inga van bronk,

a psychic.

"The action takes place

in julian crane's study

In the crane home in

easthampton, new york."

How the hell did you--

"Stage left.

A brick fireplace,

"Practical

to the extent

"That paper

can be burned in it.

"Center stage,

french doors,

"A post-Colonial

modification,

"Opening out to

a shrubbery-Flanked patio.

"The room is decorated

with a collection

Of antique weapons

and shackles."

A nice selection

of which

I'm about to use

any minute, clifford.

Would you like me

to explain?

What? That you're a lunatic

with a death wish?

Ha ha ha.

I've got the same wish

you have, sidney.

A success wish!

This is not going

to bring you success!

This, you a**hole,

Is going to bring you 20 to life

in maximum security!

Listen to me.

Come on.

It hit me that night

When you were

looking for the key.

This can make

a terrific thriller.

It will make a

terrific thriller.

In which someone like me

and someone like you

Give someone like myra

a fatal heart attack?!

Absolutely right.

At the end of act one.

Clifford,

i hate to ask this,

But could you give me

Your own special

definition of success?!

Being gangbanged in a shower

in the state penitentiary?!

Oh, jeez, i knew

You were going to have

reservations about it.

Reservations?!

I am standing here petrified,

stupefied, horrified!

How's that for

bloody reservations?!

Come on, sidney, listen.

Look, there is no way

for anybody to prove

What did or did not cause

myra to have a heart attack.

Ha ha!

A--A playwright,

A writer of thrillers,

And living

in long island!

Sidney, come on,

babe, babe, babe,

If i could change things,

i would, but i can't.

Now, look, it's got

to be a playwright.

Who else can pretend

to be about to receive

A finished work that

can make a ton of money?

Uh, a composer,

a novel--

Why am i

discussing this?!

Oh, check.

A surefire, smash-Hit

symphony. Uh-Huh.

And does a novelist

or a composer know

Where to get a chain

that squirts blood

Or how to stage

a convincing murder?

It's got to be a playwright

who writes thrillers,

'Cause, i mean,

i don't know,

Arthur miller probably

has old sample cases

Hanging on the wall.

Uh...

I can make it bridgehampton,

not easthampton.

Why make it anywhere?!

Why make it?!

Ha ha! Because

it's there, sidney.

That's mountains,

not plays!

Plays are not there until

some a**hole writes them!

Oh, oh, come on.

Oh, hey, hey, come on.

It's all right. Sh-Shh.

Just sit down. Sit down.

Come on, sit down.

Come on.

It's all right.

Hey, sh-Shh.

Listen to me.

Sh-Shh. Ok? Now, think

for a minute, all right?

Just think

about everything

That happened

that night.

Now, try to see it

From an audience's

point of view.

See, everything that

we did to convince myra

That she was seeing

a real murder

Would have exactly

the same effect

On an audience,

wouldn't it?

Didn't we write a play?

Didn't we rehearse a play?

Didn't we plan it?

Didn't we execute it?

Wasn't she the audience?

We did it!

And it worked.

It worked perfectly,

And nobody can prove

What really happened

here, nobody!

And what are you

going to say

To the men from the times

when they ask you,

"Didn't you work

for sidney bruhl,

"And didn't his wife

have a heart attack

At about the same time

you came here?"

Uh...no comment.

Well, i have a comment.

No! Absolutely

and definitely no!

I have a name

and a reputation.

Somewhat tattered,

perhaps,

But still good

for dinner invitations

And summer seminars.

And i wish

to live out my years

As the man who wrote

the murder game,

Not as the f*ggot

who knocked off his wife.

Why, look!

A brick fireplace!

I wonder

if it is practical

To the extent that

paper can burn in it.

Stop right where

you are, fella.

You burn that and i'll

go right out of here

And write it

someplace else.

Now, you give it to me.

Give it to me!

Thank you.

You know, we really,

Really shouldn't get angry

with each other, sidney.

You see, that's--That's

not what i want.

Of course not.

Let's, uh...talk about

exactly what it is...

You do want.

Certainly.

I want a shortcut, and i

really don't give a sh*t

Whose property

it cuts through,

If you understand me.

And you think that that play,

that wild concoction of...

Of truth, of fact.

Clifford, my dear,

Those facts are the most

outlandish and preposterous...

Set of circumstances

entertaining enough

To persuade an audience

to suspend its disbelief.

Opening lecture.

You're an excellent

student, clifford.

Student, companion,

Lover...

collaborator.

We're going to write

deathtrap, sidney,

You and me. I mean,

it's perfect.

Ha! Oh, christ, what

the hell do you care

If the publicity

gets a little sticky?

Come on, don't be

such an old nellie.

I mean, just look around

you! Jesus christ,

You don't have to read

hustler. You know?

Just read, uh...

Village voice,

people magazine.

Sidney, i'll

tell you something.

Everything that you

have ever thought of

And a hell of a lot

that you haven't

Is in print

and on the screen.

I mean, babe,

it is a tidal wave.

All the news is fit

to print and show.

Sidney,

nobody gives a sh*t

Who did what or

who they did it to.

All they want

is to be in on it.

I mean, you

killed your wife?

That's ok. Why don't you

abuse your kids,

Poison the well,

flog bats?

As long as you

get on television,

Talk about it

afterwards.

You know i'm right,

don't you?

Sidney, you ever

hear of somebody

Turning down a party

Where they think they

can meet nixon or vesco

Or any one of those big guys

that got away with it?

Now, listen.

I've given this a lot

of serious thought,

And i really think if

there's some talk about us

And about myra,

it can help the play.

Well...

You really have given it

some thought, haven't you?

Who knows? You, uh,

you may be right, but, uh...

But what?

Let's be honest,

clifford, and i mean...

Really honest.

If you had the choice between

turning out just a hit play

And turning out a hit play

with dangerous origins,

You'd choose

the latter, right?

Clever old sid.

Now, level with me,

luv.

Those little brushes

with the authorities--

In your infancy,

as it were,

Before you matured and

settled down, so to speak--

Did any of

the--The courts

Or the social workers

or the shrinks...

Did anybody

ever use the word...

What word, luv?

"Sociopath."

I-Isn't that

what it's called?

That's what it's called.

Does that word...

frighten you, sidney?

Oh, no, it doesn't

frighten me.

It does, however...

Give me pause.

Clinically, it means,

as i'm sure you know,

It means one who has no sense

of moral obligation whatsoever.

Now, if, and i repeat, if

I decide to kick

over the traces

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