Deck the Halls

Better here?

Or better here?

Better here?

Or better here? You don't want to be blind

at Christmas, Mrs Ryor. Help me out.

- I don't need glasses.

- You need binoculars.

We're settling for glasses.

- Better one?

- Glasses will make me look old.

Try these.

I look hot.

- Evening, Father Bruce.

- Hello, Dr Finch.

- Hello, Mrs Patterson.

- Hello, Dr Finch.

- Dr Finch.

- Hello, Gustave, Gerta.

I'd love to chat and so, but you know

how focused Gerta gets on our runs.

You should maybe get that looked at.

And start wearing some padding.

Well, I'm sure

it's more fun your way, Arturo,

but hang the decorations, don'tjust

chuck 'em up and hope they stick.

- Hey, Steve.

- Mayor Young.

- What do you think?

- Looking good.

- Thank you.

- Is that an angel on top?

It should be,

but we couldn't find one big enough.

But my wife has a doll collection,

so she lent us her Marilyn Monroe.

Nice touch. It looks good. Don't go

overboard with the lights, though.

- We don't want to seem tacky.

- As you say. Winterfest is your baby.

Have we got any big surprises this year?

Come on, nobody keeps a secret

better than me. For instance...

I know for a fact

that Sheriff Dave is a cross-dresser.

I never told a soul.

Until today.

Hi, honey. I'm home.

It's the raw quail eggs, isn't it? It's the

texture, right? The grainy, slimy, milky...

- Can you taste the curry?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Gee, I sure hope there's more of that.

You are such a bad liar.

I knew it was awful. It's awful, right?

- Yeah.

- Who wants pizza?

My life just isn't working out

the way I thought it would.

- Excuse me?

- Oh, honey, you don't mean that.

I'm ten and what have I really accomplished?

A half-season of soccer.

Cleared legendary mode of Halo.

A lacklustre stint in the Cub Scouts.

Hey.

Hey, guess what day it is? Come on, guess.

- Maddy?

- I don't know and I don't care.

Wrong.

It's December 1st.

Time to break out the Christmas calendar.

Yes, this is a busy time of year,

so you have to have a game plan.

OK. December 3rd, we hang the wreath.

- You get so intense about Christmas.

- I'm not intense, just extremely organised.

When talking about caroling,

you shouldn't say "flanking manoeuvre".

Look, I know it's only December 1st, but I

have all the planning to do for the Winterfest.

You have a cookbook to write,

the kids have school.

It all goes by so quickly. Before

you know it, Christmas will be over.

That doesn't mean

we have to plan every second.

Look, my dad dragged me

from one air force base to another.

Christmas was not a priority for him.

We didn't even have a tree.

I want things to be different for my kids.

I want them to have

big family traditions year after year

that they can count on and look forward to.

You're right.

- I'm gonna try to be more supportive.

- Well, you should be.

Madison is a loner.

She has hardly any friends.

Carter's a ten-year-old boy

with a midlife crisis.

Let's face it, our kids are a little weird.

This year they need Christmas

more than ever.

You're right.

I'm sorry. You're right.

Snowmen, eggnog, caroling -

we're gonna do it all, OK?

OK.

- And I don't write cookbooks.

- What?

You always say that I write cookbooks,

but I don't.

I just edit other people's recipes and

compile them into cookbooks that nobody buys.

Then write your own.

So the rejection would be more personal?

No, thank you.

- I think you should.

- Really?

- Yeah. I think you could.

- Really?

Sure.

What is that?

- Is it a truck?

- I don't know.

Looks like we have new neighbours.

Who moves in the middle of the night?

A meth lab?

How bad could it be?

Here we go. OK.

Hot!

Whoa, big guy. Take it easy.

You're spazzing out on me.

Look like you're having a seizure.

I got Tasered once.

It looked exactly like that.

- And I'm man enough to say I wet myself.

- Who are you?

I'm Buddy Hall.

We just moved in across the street.

- You don't happen to have a cat, do you?

- No.

Good. I was moving in last night,

I accidentally dropped a fridge on one.

- Thank God most of it got away.

- Buddy!

Tia, come on over and meet...

What's your name?

- Steve Finch. But this isn't a good time.

- Come and meet Steve.

- Good morning.

- Oh, well.

Steve, you have a way with the ladies.

Oh, thank you.

Kelly, this is Buddy,

our next-door neighbour.

Honey, I measured and

the ceiling's too low in the bedroom.

We're gonna have to get a shorter pole.

Morning. Oh, what did he do?

Try to steal your paper?

- No, I was just being neighbourly.

- Leave you alone for five minutes...

Looks like we got a visitor.

Don't put the little guy away on my account.

Tia, this is Kelly. Kelly, this is Tia.

- Hi, so nice to meet you.

- You too.

- You have kids, right?

- We do.

Why don't you come over?

We should talk about starting a car pool.

- That sounds great. Welcome. Bye.

- Thank you.

Watch out, it's hot. Hot, hot, hot.

Mm, it's good.

- I can't believe this.

- We're just saying hello.

Come on in, it's open.

- Hello.

- Oh, good.

Could you come over here

and give me a little boost?

Oh, sure.

Seriously, I'm about to break my neck.

Just yank it up there.

Yeah, just a little bit harder.

More. Up.

There you go.

That's one way to get acquainted, huh?

- Oh, these are for you.

- Oh, thank you.

I love blueberry.

Right to the hip.

- And who do we have here?

- This is Madison. Say hello, Madison.

Hello, Madison.

- She's 15. You know how they get.

- You're kidding me? 15? My girls are 15.

Girls! Get your butts down here!

We've got company.

Carter. Carter!

- You're staring.

- Oh. Oh. Sorry about that.

I used to do some modelling, mostly

for art classes at the community college.

- That's how I met Buddy.

- Really? Was he an artist?

No, they caught him peeking

in through the windows.

- That's such a sweet story.

- I just got so tired of dating boys.

No offence.

Then one day I met Buddy and

he just swept me right off my feet.

Oh, there you are.

These are my babies, Ashley and Emily.

- Hi, girls.

- Hi.

- This is Madison and this is Carter.

- Hi.

You girls will probably

be in a lot of the same classes.

Great. Are there any hot guys?

Yeah, but, you know,

they're all enormous tools.

Really? Will you introduce us?

Kelly, thank you.

That has been in my family for years.

- It's beautiful.

- It ought to be.

It's worth more than

this entire house put together.

I'll find a safe place

and we'll get to school.

I can drop them all at school

if you want to unpack.

- Really?

- Sure.

- You'd do that for me?

- No problem.

I'll get the car while they get dressed.

They are dressed. This is more clothes

than they've worn in months.

- Can I live here?

- Get in the car.

- You got a fake ID?

- No.

- Don't worry. We can make you one.

- Nice girls.

You kidding me? I pray every day for the

strength not to run over them with the truck.

Have a nice day.

All right, listen up, you guys.

We just got in a new shipment of Aspens.

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