Deck the Halls Page #2

And I want you to sell three for me

by lunchtime. All right.

- What? Are you kidding?

- Hey! We got a new salesman.

Buddy Hall over here.

Let's make him feel welcome.

All right, all right, all right.

Welcome aboard. Sell, sell, sell. All right.

This is gonna be good.

Buddy, hey.

So, are you ready to sell some cars?

Me? I'm a born car salesman.

But I was thinking today that maybe I would just

kinda ease into it, get a feel for the place.

Yeah, well, you see that tyre-kicker

right there? He's all yours.

- I don't know.

- I got 1,000 bucks says you can't sell him.

- Let me in on that action.

- Let's just make it three.

- Three?

- Three Gs.

All right. You guys are asking for it.

There's one born every minute. Come on.

Ted, this is genius.

You can't let these new guys

get into a rhythm.

I'm telling you, boys,

from this day forward, we own that guy.

Here we go.

The brush-off, the brush-off.

OK, here he comes.

- We got you.

- Are you OK?

You walked facefirst into that, Buzzo.

Money on my desk by the end of the day.

No cheques.

- That's not possible.

- Mr Murray owns the dealership.

I just bought one of my own cars.

And the worst part is

I paid sticker.

- Hey, girls.

- Hey, Dad.

And?

- Sold a car the first five minutes.

- Buddy, no? Oh, my God!

Things are gonna work out

great this time, baby.

- I'm so proud of you.

- Great, great, great, great. Yeah.

- It's great.

- Buddy?

Buddy?

- Buddy? Bud?

- Yeah.

- I know.

- Don't you even.

You always do this.

You start out great, you lose interest.

And the next thing you know,

I'm up to my neck in cardboard boxes.

No, it's great. I'm a car salesman.

Hey, that's a good job.

It's a greatjob. Greatjob.

Car salesman, carpets, copiers.

Futons.

It's all the same.

I don't know, I was just hoping

that one day I'd do something big.

Something important.

Something monumental.

You are. You're going to pay off

our monumental debt.

Buddy, you promised me.

Well, I will keep my promise.

Everything's going to be great.

Daddy, Daddy, come look.

We got something real cool.

The honeys.

Hey, Dad.

- What do you got going here?

- It's MyEarth. You type in an address

and you can see every house

in the country from space.

Really?

Emily's used it to track

the five hottest guys in school.

Yeah. Three of them live two blocks away.

Wow. That's more math

than you've done in years. Did it hurt?

Loser.

Easy. You can see every house from space?

- Yeah.

- Let's see.

- Where's our house?

- Oh, you can't see our house.

But you can see the neighbour's.

- That figures. We're invisible.

- Buddy. Trash.

Space, huh?

Of course, you can see the big house.

See it from space?

I'll light it up.

Not gonna be invisible any more.

Three o'clock in the morning. Unbelievable.

Oh, man.

Buddy.

- Buddy.

- Hey, Steve.

Do you have any idea what time it is?

Are all the clocks in your house busted?

No. I know what time it is.

Oh, did you just need an excuse

to come over here in your underwear?

No, I was being sarcastic.

You gotta know that stuff like that

just goes right over my head.

- Hold these things. I'll strand them out.

- I will not.

That's why I came over here.

You're making all kinds of noise.

Do you have any idea

how bright your house is?

Yeah, it's pretty damn bright.

Look at that.

Oh, is that what's bothering you? The lights?

- Yes, that's right.

- I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'll turn them off.

Thank you. Thank you.

Steve.

Are we gonna be friends? Because

we just moved into the neighbourhood

and, boy, it would be bad

if I ticked off the only guy I know.

- That would kill me.

- Well, maybe I overreacted a little bit.

Well, you know,

I can be a real jerk sometimes.

Maybe we should just start completely over.

Buddy Hall. And you are?

No, I didn't mean we should literally...

I was speaking metaphorically.

That's it. I don't...

Sometimes, my stupidity astounds me.

I got an idea. How about if you and I

come up with a series of hand signals

so I'll know when you're gonna talk weird?

I'll see you tomorrow.

This is gonna be good. Get that

satellite image up that you had before.

Go on. Here, honey, you sit here.

Yeah, sit right there and watch.

- There's so many buttons.

- I'll do it. Move.

OK, you do it. Where are you going?

Stick around. I want you to see this.

- You still can't see it.

- You're gonna miss it.

What? You can't see it? It's impossible.

I put so many more lights on.

Honey, you're gonna get it. You'll get it.

I gotta go bigger.

- Oh, hi.

- Can you order me more of these?

- Sure.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- What's that?

You're gonna love this.

It's a horse-drawn sleigh.

- You don't see many of these around.

- No, you don't.

Nice.

I'll take it.

- No!

- Come on. Why?

Get away from me with that.

I'll call Child Services.

One look at that and they will put you away.

Maddy. Maddy.

We always wear matching sweaters for the

family Christmas card. It's all right.

Please?

Look, huh?

Please.

- Are we ready?

- You see, Mom's wearing hers.

OK, Mom's old and married.

She doesn't need the self-esteem.

- I still have something to live for.

- It's true.

Madison's right.

She's got her whole life ahead of her.

It's more than I can say for some of us.

He does this every year.

He starts acting all depressed

so people feel bad

and buy him bigger presents.

- Hey! The new neighbours have reindeer.

- Reindeer?

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Hey, Steve, what do you think?

Oh, my God.

It's so cute.

Where in the world did you find it?

Eugene Young down at the hardware store

sold it to him. Isn't it beautiful?

Beautiful.

Yes, and these horses... these horses...

I especially like the way you've

duct-taped the antlers to their heads.

Yeah, well, apparently reindeer

are not indigenous to the region.

- That sweater is really cool.

- Yeah, is it Marc Jacobs?

I'm not sure. I have so many, it's

kind of hard to keep track these days.

Well, this has been fun.

So let's go take the picture, huh?

Wait, what picture? Your Christmas picture?

You should take it here in the sleigh.

- That's a great idea.

- No, that's a horrible idea,

because we take our picture in front

of the fireplace. It's a tradition.

- Wouldn't it be nice to try something new?

- No, I don't think so.

Here's a hat. Take the picture in

the sleigh. You put the Santa suit on.

- You'll take the picture in the sleigh.

- That's silly.

- It's adorable.

- Carter, get out of there. Right now.

We should keep our voices down,

because I found these horses

on the outskirts of town

and, between you and me,

they look a little skittish.

You found these horses?

Carter, out of that deathtrap now!

- OK, Carter, give me your hand.

- Carter, let's go. Give me the reins.

Let go. Let go of the

reins. Let go of the reins!

- Oh, my God. Steve!

- Honey! Honey!

- Daddy!

- Honey!

- Run, run, run, run!

- Daddy!

Whoa, stop, horsey!

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