Decoys 2: Alien Seduction

- What the hell?

- Oh, it's hurting my eyes.

Everything all right here?

Yeah, we're fine.

How about you, miss? Everything all right?

No one forcing you to do

anything against your will?

No, Officer.

No one's forcing me to do

anything I don't want to do.

Well, all right then.

- We have to ask. You understand?

- I understand.

Hey, she's the one forcing me.

Well, you have a nice evening now.

Stay warm.

He likes me.

You better be nice or I'll have him book you.

- On what charge?

- For being a hard-ass.

Aren't you gonna do up the window?

It's cold in here.

I think it's hot.

Who are you?

Evolution is the cornerstone

of modern biology.

Species can be arranged

on an evolutionary ladder

from bacteria and lower animals,

to higher animals

and finally up to man.

But it's not really that simple,

because nature is full of mistakes.

Any class at 8:
00 in the morning

is a huge mistake.

And what if today's mistake is

tomorrow's new dominant species?

Just because humans

are at the top of the ladder today

does not mean that we can't just be

pushed aside by a superior species.

Yes? Question?

If a higher species is threatened

with extinction, are they doomed?

Or can they survive by adapting?

If mankind was threatened by

a reduced gene pool, less genes,

less reproductive diversity,

what adaptive measures could we take

to ensure our survival?

We could mate a lot more.

In evolutionary terms,

quantity is no substitute for quality.

Ladies and gentlemen, our time is up.

We have exams next week

as all of you know,

but don't despair.

I have prevailed upon one of

my most brilliant grad students,

Luke Callahan, to leave the lab temporarily

and make himself available 24/7

for the rest of this week

to help any of you out that needs it.

24/7 is a figure of speech.

You call me after midnight

and you're gonna need some serious

adaptive survival strategies.

I have never seen him before.

He's way too gorgeous to be a grad student.

- And he's too old for you, Steph.

- Old isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Thanks.

So why didn't you talk to him?

Because I didn't come to college

to flirt with cute TAs.

I came to prepare myself

for life's challenges.

Well, isn't that life's biggest challenge?

I mean, you finding your ideal mate?

That one person that you're destined for?

You're the one who needs a cute TA.

Female, of course.

Yeah, I know. There's no such thing.

But I wouldn't mind

a lonely, well-endowed faculty wife...

No. Never work.

You're not an older woman

kind of guy, Sam.

- And how would you know?

- You need someone our age, and...

- Sexy.

- I was gonna say smart.

- And...

- Uninhibited.

No! Thoughtful. Sensitive.

She wants to jump your bones, Sam.

What're you waiting for?

You don't get it. Steph and I

are just friends, okay?

No such thing.

A guy and a girl can never just be friends.

Sure they can. Steph and I have

been best buds since middle school.

It is theoretically possible to hang out

with a chick and not want to bang her.

There is nothing more important than sex.

That's the whole point of college!

- Getting laid?

- Think about it.

College is the only time in our lives

when we will have such a

large pool of available babes.

Out in the real world our choices will be

limited, but here the odds are in our favor.

The odds?

You guys make it sound like

it's some sort of competition.

- That's not a bad idea.

- Just grow up, Nick.

Sam, think about it.

What do you guys think?

Now that your visions have come back,

how does that make you feel, Luke?

Terrified.

I'm really scared. I thought this was over.

I thought I'd put it all behind me.

That's common after severe trauma.

Can you tell me about them? Your visions?

Yeah, they're beautiful alien

females from another planet

with no bellybuttons.

Go on.

They're trying to reproduce.

They implant alien life forms,

spores maybe,

inside human males to incubate them.

Their gene pool is shrinking,

and they need new mates, homo sapiens,

but during the reproductive act, their

body temperatures drop below freezing

and their partners freeze to death.

And these visions, you...

You still believe they could be true?

Look, these women were a cult.

They were real sickos,

killing the guys they had sex with.

- Were they aliens also?

- No. Of course not. No.

What about the blonde you saw today?

Or thought you saw?

Constance, Connie.

She... Yeah, she was one of them.

From the murders at St. John's College.

She was blonde and very pretty.

I remember I was with my friend

Alex just before the holidays.

Oh, God...

- And...

- Not you, too.

...she turned into one of them.

- And then what happened?

- And then I woke up in the hospital.

And they brought in the shrink.

Why? Why is this happening to me?

Why can't I just get on with my life?

I'm afraid your visions are

part of a much deeper malaise, Luke.

Look.

I'm gonna give you something

to help you relax.

Okay?

Now...

- These will help stop the visions.

- Thank you,

Dr. Geisner.

- A competition? You're kidding.

- No! No kidding.

- This is real.

- We have very strict criteria.

Check this out.

There's a handicapping system.

Every girl on campus gets a ranking.

Mega bonus points if you score

with a dime, a perfect 10.

Look, I hate to tell you guys this, but

women might just find this offensive.

I mean, being categorized and handicapped.

They won't know if we don't tell 'em.

If you guys think that I'm gonna participate

in this juvenile...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait! You got to.

There's only 2 exceptions.

- One, is if you're gay...

- It's way too easy to score if you're gay.

Or have a steady girlfriend.

Then you got no choice, hombre.

This is exam week

when everyone goes home.

But most people are sticking

around for the party first.

The mother of all parties.

More hotties in one place

than anyone has ever seen.

Last chance to rack up points.

And may the best man win.

Is there a problem, Officer?

This is a 25-mile-an-hour zone.

You were going over 40.

Oh, my...

That is fast, isn't it?

I'm... I'm afraid I'm gonna have to

write you up a citation.

Oh, Officer. Do you have to?

Can I have your license, please?

This'll just take a moment.

Miss, you can't do that.

Civilians are not allowed in.

Officer, I'm a new transfer at the college

and I just can't afford a ticket right now.

You can go to traffic school.

The truth is I just don't

want it on my record.

There must be

some

other

way

we can settle this?

I'm... I'm afraid that I'm...

You're gonna run down the battery.

My baby's never let me down before.

Yeah, well, Nick, do I really need to stress

how important it is

we get your baby going here?

I mean, this party we're going to

has a higher ratio of girls to guys

than any other place in town. This is like...

Hank? You okay?

What the... He's frozen stiff.

What the hell happened here?

Holy mackinaw!

Oh, boys, 9 o'clock.

- You see the way she smiled at me?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes