Delirious Page #2

---

and still sexy as sh*t I might add.

Yeah, I want her autograph.

Autographs are for peons.

Try it out. Get in.

- How's that feel?

- This is perfect.

- Comfortable?

- This is great, man.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Feels good, right?

- Yeah.

Now you got your own private room.

Les, I don't know how to thank you.

- I really appreciate it.

- It's alright. Come on!

We got work to do. Come on.

- Hey Trudy, it's Galantine.

- Hey.

I'm just confirming,

you put me on the list, right?

- Yeah.

- Great. Under your name, right?

I got all the gear in the back.

Get the camera out of the bag.

Alright, we take this bad boy

in case we need it later.

Put that in there.

Be very careful.

Tailgate party.

Hey, that's not a toy.

Let me show you something.

Let's say I need to get into one

of these f***in' ritzy parties.

All I got to do is I put this on.

I pour a little water in here

and I get to stroll right in

past these f***in' a**holes.

And I look like a real guest.

That's great.

All right.

Look, rule number one...

don't let anybody crowd me.

Alright?

Use your elbows if you have to.

Give them a little thing.

- All right.

- Show me. Let me see you do it.

Use your elbows.

Do it!

Just f***in' do it!

Let me see how you do it.

Alright! Good.

You ready, assistant?

- Yeah.

- Ready? Let's go.

Get in there.

- Yo, Les. How you doing, man?

- Good.

- I got your spot right here.

- Thanks.

That's my assistant!

- Well, stay the f*** off my foot.

- They're all inside.

Del Toro, Sara Jessica's in the

house, all the f***in' Sopranos...

Yeah. Diddy's in there too.

Oh, hey, check it out!

Chuck Sirloin!

What's up guys?

Eyes here!

Who's the arm candy?

Gang, I got to go to work.

You guys, easy on the carbs.

Stick with The Beef.

Where you going?

Les Galantine. People Magazine.

How you doing? I'm on the list.

- What list are you on?

- I'm sorry. I'm on Trudi's list.

- Right there. Plus one. Alright?

- Follow me.

Listen, don't lose me.

Alright? Stick close.

Don't get distracted by all these

hot chicks. They're useless to us.

Help me spot people,

you know, the money shots.

Like Lil Kim,

Chuck Sirloin, Diddy...

First chance you get find out

where they keep the Goody Bags.

Cameron Diaz?

No! The gift bags.

You know, where they keep

all the great stuff.

Oh, the gift bags.

I don't see anybody out here.

VIP room. That's

where they are. Come on.

Step back.

What up, dog?

How you doing, man? I'm sorry.

Les Galantine. I'm on the list.

No, you're not.

Sweetheart, I know you're doing your

job. I'm just trying to do my job.

- Can you just take another look?

- I don't need to. You're not on.

What's Feldman doing inside?

Anybody inside is on the list.

Hi, it's Megan.

Hey, it's Gabi.

Listen. has Jace come in yet?

Okay, because we're here. Yeah.

He's not here.

I don't care. Okay?

I'm not going in.

That shithead!

I can't believe it.

Give me my phone.

I'm going to call him.

No. You are not going

to call him. Get off!

- Listen to me.

- Just forget him.

The best thing for you to do

right now is to go out there

and you show everybody

how OK you really are.

E, Entertainment Tonight,

you show them how strong you are.

No Access Hollywood?

Yes, Access Hollywood at

the after-after-Party. Huh?

Now, where's

my little Booboo's smile?

See.

Look. will you just go get Trudy?

Tell her I'm on the list.

She's busy.

Step aside, please.

Everyone, please step aside.

Excuse me.

K'harma, this way please!

I see Trudy in there.

Can you just please

walk in, point

to me and she'll say...

Are you f***ing deaf?! You're not on

the list! what don't you understand?

What don't I understand?

I don't understand why I have to

talk to a f***in' peon like you!

Get out!

Get your hands off me, man!

One scumfuck coming out!

Les, come on back.

I saved your spot.

You got yourself a lawsuit, pal!

You just broke my thumb.

Your thumb's not broken.

Beat it before I call the cops.

Call the cops,

you f***in' Nazi bastard!

- Where's my assistant?!

- I'm right here.

Get this f***er's name.

We'll see you in court, tough guy!

Alright, tough guy.

What's your name?

Sieg Heil, motherf***er,

that's my name.

Hey, get your f***in' hands off me!

Get out of here.

F***! Dammit!

It's scratched, man.

Les, I'm sorry.

A good assistant

would've caught this stuff.

I'm sorry.

I was trying to catch it.

- That guy just came...

- Give me the Palm.

- Goddammit! Give me the Palm.

- What?

The stylus just fell out.

You gave it to me upside down.

- What's the?

- The thing you write on.

F***. Just look for it.

It's the thin thing.

Did you get the Goody Bags?

Oh sh*t. No. I forgot.

What did I?!

You know what?

I don't know

if this is going to work out.

What you busting my balls for?

I told you I got to stay

in the city tonight.

'Cause I got to take him to the

plastic surgeon in the morning.

'Cause he's Chuck Sirloin,

that's why.

He's getting an operation.

On his wang.

He's got a hook to the right in it

and he's getting it

straightened out.

I'm not lying.

He's very concerned about this, OK?

I'm going to be at 131 Lex.

Listen, Deedee,

I can't take it anymore.

It's a red f***in' door!

We're getting that shot.

We'll stay up all night

if we have to. You with me?

Yeah.

Beef, we're going

to get you tonight!

Coming to get you, Beef.

- There it is.

- The red f***in' door.

Listen, he comes out that door

we got about 5 seconds to get him.

And it's totally legal.

He's on a public sidewalk

and I just happen

to be sitting here with a camera.

Yeah, right.

It's totally legal.

Watch that door.

Watching the door.

Watching the door.

You like being an assistant?

It's kind of fun, right?

Yeah, I like it.

It's fun.

Alright.

Come on, you got to keep

your eye on that door, right?

Alright.

We're going to

get ourselves a picture.

F***!

Turn around.

- There he is!

- Easy!

All right, all right.

Come on.

Come on.

I can't find the phone!

Hold on, baby, I'm coming.

Get him up, get him up.

Move your ass!

F***!

Yo Beef!

Okay.

Yo, Beef, you want to turn around

while I do this. A little privacy?

Oh, sorry.

I just can't wait

to see this picture.

Chuck Sirloin.

I used to watch his show.

Alright, turn around.

Grab a chair.

Watch and learn.

- What's that thing?

- That's the disk.

Ok, there's the shots.

It's so good!

- Watch this.

- Oh, my god!

There it is. The shot heard

'round the world. Right there.

- That shot is awesome, Les!

- Isn't it?

- It's so good.

- You know why?

I've got the laser eye.

- Yeah, you do.

- It's a blessing.

It's also a curse,

because sometimes I see too much.

Yeah.

Cool.

Hey, don't touch anything!

You're here to learn. Okay?

- I was just wondering...

- Well, I'm showing you. Okay?

Take it easy.

Alright, we send it

to my friend Betsey

at Looking Glass.

Send. There it goes.

What do we do now?

Now we sit and wait

for the offers to come in.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes